Help with parents!!!!! :(

[jmaxley]

Sadly the VERY WORST thing you could do is show doubt and/or delay. That way lies madness and regret. If you go back on your transition then you signal to them that they can bully you out of it and every time you try again they will be hostile.

I've wondered about this.  One of the fears I have is losing my mom if I transition.  She's firmly stuck in the denial stage, with occasional bouts of hostility.  I had thought about making a deal with her, if I agreed to wait a year or two to transition, would she please read some of the material I've given her and come with me to a therapy session.  I don't know if I can wait that long, but if there was some way I could help her deal with it, I would. 

[Cindy]

Lacey don't sell your self short honey. You have kept me afloat when the black dog was running.

Jenny makes a really good point. Coming out to people when you are in the guise of male when MtF or as female when FtM maybe too much for most people. They can't see past the packaging, they have called the packaging son or daughter all their lives. People who know you have the same problem.

I came out to my Australian family by inviting them to dinner and I was dressed and presented as Cindy. No real warning, they knew I was making a major announcement and that's about it. They met Cindy full on. Not someone saying she was Cindy and asking for acceptance.  They had two choices, stay for dinner or leave. The guys saw me as female andtreated me as such, the women saw me as another female relative and I was instantly in the girls club. I was also instantly out of the guys club , they watched some footy and drank beer as I prepared dinner, the girls chatted and helped out and talked about all the girl stuff we had been up to. When I have come out to people at work, I have done so with a picture on my computer, one of my avatars. God is that you? I'd never have recognised you. My senior scientist (female) You are a really good looking woman. And she was swapping from my picture to me.

I think that does make acceptance easier for some people. You are not telling a story. You are pointing out a fact of life.

Love to you All

Cindy

[rejennyrated]

I don't know if I can wait that long, but if there was some way I could help her deal with it, I would.

Trust me the best way you can help people to cope is to get through the half and half stage as fast as humanly possible and let them see you clearly as happy and well adjusted not some angst ridden confused unsure indeterminate.

The more confidence you project, then happier you seem, and the more convincing you look the easier people will begin to accept you. Slowing up actually makes relatives feel that if they only applied more pressure you would perhaps stop. So they do! Now if the first time and every time someone gives you a hard time you actually seem to accelerate it isn't long before they get the message! Trust me I know, because I did it that way.

Having had an enforced delay in my teens thanks to an unhelpful therapist and the fact that I was not legally of age, by luck I then found the one doctor in the UK who was prepared to allow me to considerably bend the guidelines.  Result was that when, in my twenties, I was able to proceed I managed to accomplish my whole transition from start to fully postop in less than 9 months.

Add in the fact that I didn't tell many of my family what I was doing for 3 to 6 months and for some it seemed to take less than 3 months and it was a done deal. Not one of them rejected me.

[Lacey Lynne]

you're welcome!

It is a friken roller coaster an't it?

Just keep being your gorgeous self!

Welcome to The 3000 Posts Club, oh prolific one!

So, you're getting so amped up about your upcoming GRS/SRS that you've just GOT to chat and chat?  Wahoo!   

Don't blame ya one little bit!   

[Lacey Lynne]

Trust me the best way you can help people to cope is to get through the half and half stage as fast as humanly possible and let them see you clearly as happy and well adjusted not some angst ridden confused unsure indeterminate.

The more confidence you project, then happier you seem, and the more convincing you look the easier people will begin to accept you. Slowing up actually makes relatives feel that if they only applied more pressure you would perhaps stop. So they do! Now if the first time and every time someone gives you a hard time you actually seem to accelerate it isn't long before they get the message! Trust me I know, because I did it that way.

Add in the fact that I didn't tell many of my family what I was doing for 3 to 6 months and for some it seemed to take less than 3 months and it was a done deal. Not one of them rejected me.

This totally bedazzles me!  Jenny is one of my 2 or 3 most-admired people here on Susan's Place.  Things just like this and her quality of mind are why.  She has taught me a HUGE lesson this very day with this very post.

I'm about to go fulltime in less than a week ... and am very thrilled ... but also quite scared.   This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear at exactly the right time.  Maybe it's providence or something.  Whatever it is, all I can say is, "Thanks!"   

@ Cindy James:

Really?  Oh, my!  I really had no idea, but I'm honored that you would say that, girl.  Nothing makes me happier than helping somebody who either needs and/or wants the help.  In our skeptical age, this probably sounds corny and/or phony, but it's true in my case.

Anytime, Cindy, anytime at all.  Ever need encouraged or a kind word or two, just PM me ... don't even hesitate.  The for-now wife has said for 20+ years now that encouraging and inspiring people is what I do best.  Well, it's what I LOVE to do.  If I had major money, I'd set up a trust and help out people who need the help.  There was this multimillionaire, I think his name was Percy Ross or something like that.  Anyway, he actually did this!  I'd LOVE to do that ... Rock on!   

[Britney♥Bieber]

Thanks for the advice girls It really makes me feel better. Good luck Lacey, on going full time etc. The thought of me doing the same in the future scares the hell out of me but excites me even more. I really hope I overcome all my fear and insecurities someday.

[spacial]

Lacey.

Your post #19 reall touched me. I want you to know that I am genuinely sorry that so many negative things have happened to you. In my time on here I've gotten to know a number of people, I think, quite well. All from my own perspective of course.

I really mean this, when you said that in #24, it didn't surprise me one bit. That is what I'd expect from you.

I have my own reasons for waiting. But in my time here, I've gotten to know so much more. I've gotten to know so many people and hear their expereinces. I've really gotten to know more about myself.

I've decided that, when I do start, I'm going to go at my pace. Sidney Tinker made this point as well, in another post.

It's occured to me that, if I'm wearing a clean pair of jeans, a nice sweat shirt and a nice pair of shoes, I'm dressing female. Lots of girls dress that way.

Thank you for being here Lacey. You make a difference for me.

[Lacey Lynne]

@ Britney*Bieber:

Honey, if I can go fulltime, you totally can do it ... when you're ready!  Go at your own pace.  Yeah, you've got to deal with your parents.  True, you may not yet have the financial strength to do your own thing without hassles.  I'd say the best way to deal with your folks is ... shower them with love, girl ... even when it's hard to do.  Let them know how much pain you're in.  Remind them that you'll ALWAYS be THEIR child and you'll love them ... even if they find it hard to love you back.  When it gets to be tough going for you, remember this tune.  It's way before your time, but it's timeless ... appropriate for all people at all times  ... I daresay that it is the very quintessence of beauty by way of aural and visual media kissing our very souls.  Here ya go, hon:



@ Spacial:

Oh, my ... I had no idea, but, yes, thank you! 

From what I've read of your posts (... all of which I love, by the way ...), we're within a few years in age and have similar loner tendencies.  That rocks, and I can so relate.  Yeah, I've had some uncommonly hard times.  Don't know why.  Baffles the hell out of me.  In retrospect, I'm now glad I have.  I would have been insufferably arrogant and elitist had I not.  God, Nature, The Force, The Goddess, whatever ... has providentially kicked my vainglorious ass ... taught me much needed humility ... and set me on my life's course of helping others ... which would never have happened had my butt not been allegorically kicked from here to hell and back. 

Spacial, anytime, girl.  Didn't realize I was helping you, but I'm thrilled that this is so.  Thank you!
   

[Britney♥Bieber]

@ Britney*Bieber:

Honey, if I can go fulltime, you totally can do it ... when you're ready!  Go at your own pace.  Yeah, you've got to deal with your parents.  True, you may not yet have the financial strength to do your own thing without hassles.  I'd say the best way to deal with your folks is ... shower them with love, girl ... even when it's hard to do.  Let them know how much pain you're in.  Remind them that you'll ALWAYS be THEIR child and you'll love them ... even if they find it hard to love you back.  When it gets to be tough going for you, remember this tune.  It's way before your time, but it's timeless ... appropriate for all people at all times  ... I daresay that it is the very quintessence of beauty by way of aural and visual media kissing our very souls.  Here ya go, hon:

Thanks
Nice song, made me cry a little
I really do think I can do this, it's just really weighing down on me, the waiting, the fear, the lack of support and what feels like the lack of love etc I just gotta get through it.

[lilacwoman]

Then start today!  Come out of your room femmed up in say a nice female sweater and touch of lipstick and act as though its nothing unusual.
as they know you've crossdressed and been to a therapist you can tell them the link between the two so you have to show them you are determined to become the person you feel.
If you haven't any nice feminine stuff then ask Mom to go shopping with you to pick something nice.
once you're out of the closet you'll find sister, parents and lady friends will offer clothes and stuff especially at birthdays and xmas.

[Britney♥Bieber]

Then start today!  Come out of your room femmed up in say a nice female sweater and touch of lipstick and act as though its nothing unusual.
as they know you've crossdressed and been to a therapist you can tell them the link between the two so you have to show them you are determined to become the person you feel.
If you haven't any nice feminine stuff then ask Mom to go shopping with you to pick something nice.
once you're out of the closet you'll find sister, parents and lady friends will offer clothes and stuff especially at birthdays and xmas.

Well my parents have seen me in makeup and short shorts with shaved legs. I think once I get boobs I'll be ready to dress more feminine around the house, I already dress super girly anyways haha. And I wanna save up money for some cute clothes. xD I actually feel amazing today like I can do anything.

[Izumi]

Well my parents have seen me in makeup and short shorts with shaved legs. I think once I get boobs I'll be ready to dress more feminine around the house, I already dress super girly anyways haha. And I wanna save up money for some cute clothes. xD I actually feel amazing today like I can do anything.

Yep feels good when you finally accept it doesnt it.  Like a huge weight is lifted.  You got a tough road ahead, my advice is not matter how hard it gets keep going and enjoy being you, if your happy with yourself, other people will eventually be drawn to you just by your upbeat personality and friends and relationships become easier. 

Sigh, i wish i did this at 18 instead of 32.... I am glad you will get to experience the years i never got to.  Enjoy them.

[lilacwoman]

Britney  you're out of the closet and don't know it      Enjoy.

[Britney♥Bieber]

I will Izumi but I don't think I'll be as hot as you =/
But thanks everyone <3