staying on topic with therapist

[Kelly]

Does anyone have any advice as to how I can stay on topic during therapy?  Can I just tell my therapist to not let me run away from the subject?

[Kimberly]

Something that might be worth trying is to slip the therapist a piece of paper (or email ) that mentions what you would like to talk about. If nothing else you could ask your therapist why you are running away from the subjects, that may well be of more value to you than having the normal escape route blocked.

Also, keep in mind that 'normal conversations' could just as easily be the therapist trying to understand you better, or at least that idea.

Luck to you, and I have confidence in you that you can do it

P.s. beautiful name...

[Julie Marie]

If you veer away from what you really want to talk about you could remind yourself you are not just wasting your time but also your money.  Your therapist is your employee.  It's his job to do his best to earn his pay. 

The first time I went into therapy I was 21.  I walked in and said, "I like to dress in women's clothes."  I thought he'd be shocked.  But he didn't even flinch.  He was very helpful and taught me a lot about myself by making me ask myself questions.

Later, when I was in my mid 30's, my wife convinced me I should see a therapist.  Not being connected to the TG community I went to the phone book.  I called a psychiatrist's referral service, told them I wanted to see someone who is experienced in gender issues and they gave me a name.  I called his office, asked if he was experienced in gender issues and his receptionist said yes.  At my first appointment I sat down and told him I like to dress in women's clothing.  The look on his face was one of shock.  The session was a waste and I never returned.  But I did learn to be more careful.

Therapy is what you make it.  Honesty speeds up the process.  You spend time and money to accomplish a goal but if you aren't cooperating your therapist can't help you.

Julie

[tinkerbell]

Kelly,

Sometimes when we are new at therapy, it is quite normal to feel uncomfortable talking to "a complete stranger" about things which are so private and dear to us.  At times, talking about "unimportant issues" serves to "break the ice" between you and your therapist so to speak.  I know exactly how you feel when you look at that clock and that hour of therapy seems endless, and you are faced with a pair of green eyes (in my therapist's case) hidden behind those thick glasses staring back at you!

Like Kimberly has mentioned in her post, write your questions on a piece of paper, perhaps your feelings, goals, expectations, fears, etc... and take that paper to therapy with you.  You and your therapist could also choose a topic for discussion for the next therapy session and focus on that topic entirely on your next visit. 

tinkerbell

[SusanK]

Does anyone have any advice as to how I can stay on topic during therapy?  Can I just tell my therapist to not let me run away from the subject?

Can I turn the question around? Why not wander off topic? Your sense of being (woman) is a part of your whole being and part of your life, so why not include how you think and feel about where you're at and where you're at with your sense of being? Shouldn't you be talking about where you and your transistion fits into your life, with your work, friends and especially family, and with your sense of where you're going?

Sorry if it's counterproductive, therapy should be both about your sense of being and your life, and it may be the discussion wander in, out and around the topic. I'll take my experience. My primary therapist is a practicing buddhist (not your typical gender therapist but she's been doing this a long time) and we often talk about where I'm at in life. My view is that my transistion has to fit into my life, it doesn't pay to get through it and discover you haven't prepared yourself for the rest of your life.

And physician is a hoot. She's also overseen quite a few transistions, and the first question she asks every time (probably to all patients), "So, how's your life going?"  We often spend the first 15-20 minutes talking about life and then getting to the actual reason I'm there. She also says everything fits together, you have to treat the whole person and their life.

Just my thoughts. I would suggest making a short list of topic you want to talk about (I use a 4x6 postit note) and see who many of them you talk about. The idea of therapy isn't to get you cured in so many sessions, much against the health insurance companies who prescribe plans and deadlines for successful treatment, it's about a journey of exploration and discovery, and wandering may lead you places mentally and emotionally you didn't know existed.

And remember it's your dollar. The therapist has goals too, after all they will consent to writing letters for you. So they have to understand and accept who you are as well as you.

--Susan--

[Melissa]

If I may add my thoughts, I understand not getting to the topic you really want to talk about and difficulty saying what you really think without fear of being judged--especially if you've had a previously bad therapy experience. 

In order to have a more productive session, you may actually want to write out something ahead of time about what you want to discuss.  Add any questions you have or issues you want to discuss and then floow your plan.  As to feeling more free to talk about yourself, you may consider keeping a diary the NOBODY else will see and write down your thoughts as they flow through your head.  Consider it a holding place for those thoughts, so you don't have to constantly be having them swim around in your head.  Eventually as you do this more and more, you will become more comfortable at expressing yourself.  I used to have a really hard time with this myself and I employed these techniques and now I can just blabber away about whatever.  I decided to do something cleansing to myself and just get all my secrets out.  If I survived, then I had nothing to hide and I could just be myself.  Occasionally I still have a bit of trouble opening up to people, especially if I am scared they will judge me, but I have a much easier time than I used to have.

Melissa

[LostInTime]

My first therapist had to ask questions in order to draw me out of my shell.

After she gained my trust and I started figuring things out a bit more, we pretty much just talked back and forth much like one would do with a friend.

The second therapist did not have much to deal with due to the fact I had already addressed the major issues.  She would ask a couple of questions and we would just start chatting from there.