I started drinking when I was sixteen . I stopped for awhile in my late teens an early twenties, when I got religion. Then I pick it up again and drunk everyday til about a year ago. I am now 47. I know how you feel. Almost every night that I got drunk. I thought to myself "maybe this would be the night that I would have the courage to tell my wife" how I felt. I though if I got drunk enough I would not have any anxiety an I would be able to express myself. It never happened. In fact the only times I was able to be somewhat honest with my wife, was when I was sober. Which wasn't all that often. Since I have been sober (one year come November) I have made great strides in the area of self esteem and how I feel about myself. And I am committed to NOT being one of those people that take up using again after a stint of sobriety. I simply can't believe how much time, money and health I have wasted over the years. During my drinking years I became very bitter, never smiled ,constant arguments. No one liked my personality, including me.
If we choose to hide ourselves in a bottle or a crack pipe or what have you. We are still the same person, only with a bad attitude and impaired judgment . We need to love ourselves so others can in turn love us. I guess what I am saying is what we thought was a curse (->-bleeped-<-) Is actually a beautiful thing. And we should treat it as such.
Hugs an best wishes, Erocse
