Came out to the Parents .... Now what?

[Epigania]

This weekend was a big one for me.   I have a business trip to my home state and decided that it was time to talk to my parents.

My family is very distant from each other.   We don't talk often and we have never been good about expressing ourselves to each other.

I decided to talk to my 73 year old dad first.   He has always managed to support me in my endeavors over the years.   He bought me my first computer when I was 15, which got me into computer programming which is what I do today.   He bought my first Telescope when I was 8 which spawned my love of science and engieering.   In High School when I decided to start theater, he came to every show.

I really want him to undertand and accept me. 

When I spoke with him, he wasn't surprised, but I don't think he understood what it meant when I told him that within the year I'll be living full time as a woman.  I told him that I spent my life trying to make other people happy and comfortable around me, but after a very hard period in my life this was something I needed to do in order to be happy with myself and my body.  He actually told me that he wants me to be happy and that no matter what people think of me, I need to do what I have to do to be happy.


Near the end of my visit, I told him that I would give him time to adjust to the idea of a daughter, but it would mean a lot to me if he would start referring to me as a woman.   He was concerned that his friends would be an issue and asked that I not meet his friends as Allison (my name).  I suppose I can handle that.   Until he understands what I am and who I am now, I can't expect him to be proud of me and my transition.

I let him think about things over the last day or so and gave him a call today and he seemed very evasive.   I'm scheduled to go to dinner with him tomorrow evening and he said he'd talk to me then.   I'm concerned that he's depressed and will dwell on the negative aspects of my transition and do something drastic.   He is worrying me a bit.

I left my dad on Saturday and went to visit my mom.   I had sort of warned her that I was going to be having a serious conversation with her.  We chatted about this and that but there was never a good opportunity to come up with the topic so I just flat out brought up the conversation.

I broke down when talking to her.   I have always been the "good kid" and I felt like I was letting her down.  I couldn't even get the words out.   She held me and asked me if I was coming out to her as being Gay, and I told her it was a bit more than that.   I managed to get everything out and explained to her that I'd been seeing a therapist for a few months and that I was in the process of transition and by this time next year I probably won't have the same looking body and might even have a different legal name.

She was rather stoic, but we both ahd a bit of a cry.   She said she's not sure if she could ever think of me as anyone other than her Son, but she would respect my feelings and wishes.  She was concerned that I was jumping into this too quickly, but I had to explain to her that this has always been a problem for me and I was just trying to fix the root of a lot of my major social issues.   We then went through my history and times when I did things that were not "Manly" types of things where she just thought I was gay.   When I explained to her that it was because I identified as a different gender it started to make sense to her a bit.

I  had dinner with her and my stepdad (who was completly ok with the news) and I left her to absorb the news.

I am suppose to have dinner with her tonight or wednesday.  I have no idea what is going on with her.

Oddly, both of my parents seemed more concerned that I was gay than being Transgendered.   I don't think they understand that either way, I probably won't be having children.

Ugh ... This is actually more painful than the time leading up to this weekend.   Now that they know, I find that I'm so painfully nervous about what they will do next that I can't stop feeling this dread inside.   

[Izumi]

Well at least your parents listened thats more then a lot of people on this forum. 

For me personally its been almost 2 years since i told my mom and only a few months for my dad, and they live together heh.  She didnt want me to spring it on him because she thought it would kill him.  However after 2 years mom still has difficulty but accepts and loves me, she even uses gender neutral terms now, my dad still calls me him, but hes old and stubborn, what can you expect, he will take some time to get used to the idea.

My only advice,
Dont expect the world to change with you.  People take time to absorb things, plus if you haven't taken hormones or appear like a woman its a lot harder to call you HER or your female name.  Once you present your full time self, it becomes easier, i mean, before my dad saw me as a woman, i was disowned, but after (only a month later) when i went to pick something up at the house while i was on vacation, even he couldnt deny how much of a woman i was, and apologized.  Heh, he still calls me he, but eh, hes old and stubborn doesnt bother me, if someone asks while i am with him, i will just say, he always wanted a boy, but he got 2 girls, hes just bitter.  Then smile.

[Epigania]

Thank you so much for the reply, Izumi.  The aftermath seems to be harder than I expected.  I am feeling really vulnerable right now and the worst keeps running through my head.

You are always so positive and friendly, thank you.

I think starting HRT the same week as this may have been a mistake, I'm an emotional mess right now.