Coming out..without coming out.

[_Noah]

<sub>Hey there -wave-  Euhm, I'm just wondering if I'm the only one.. I still live at home. In the past few years, I've cut my hair short (mohawk atm), worn guy clothes, referred to myself with male pronouns on occasion, gone to many gay-pride events, become the group leader of my school's GSA, and had in depth discussions with my mother about the LGBT community...And she still believes I'm straight.
And, I suppose, she must have some sort of clue, as she isn't stupid. She jokingly refers to me as her son, but I assume she just believes I either, A. am really dedicated to the LGBT community, yet straight, or B. a lesbian.

I'm as out as I can be without actually coming out. The thought of coming out...terrifies me. I've thought about it, but I've no clue what to actually do...on one side, I don't think she'd disown me or anything but on the other side...Well, I'm terrified of dissapointing my mother...

Anyone else in/has been in this situation..?</sub>

[A]

Even though I'm the opposite gender as you, I've been in the same situation for a while.

I've virtually always walked/acted/spoken/whatever like a girl, yet my mother would not pick up the info until I was about 14, and she needed a small novel by me regarding transgender issues to know. Then she asked me and I lied, so she continued to believe I was straight, but just, uh, semi-asexual.

Parents are like that. They want to believe they know us by heart, that they "did everything right" (because of course for them at the beginning our being trans is their fault and it's bad). So I think you WILL have to explicitly talk to her about your issues.

I was terrified at first. Really terrified. But I felt better after telling her. Even though she doesn't perfectly understand me, at least she knows now, and "that" is behind me.

Plus, for most if not all professionals that deal with transition, disclosure to those close of you is essential for beginning anything.

[Lee]

Well, at least you know that she's accepting of you and everything you have been doing.  That's a great place to start!

[_Noah]

_{I *will* have to tell her eventually, but I dunno. I think it would be better if it was at a time when I wasn't living at home. Thankfully only another year and a half, then I'll be on my way to college...}

[V M]

My family tends to be the "don't ask don't tell" type so I've never actually come out to any of them either... But I'm pretty sure they know

A) My sister paid a guy to spy on me and she has a big mouth

B) I've had some rather interesting conversations with my mom who likes to call up and "girl talk"...
She is a senior citizen and I think she gets lonely... I have two older sisters, but she would rather talk to me for some reason and I'm okay with that

She bought me a new winter jacket recently... Here's how part of the conversation went:

Mom) You'll have to show ID and sign for it when you go to pick the package up

Me) Oh, that's no problem mom, I can do that

Mom) Well if your ID doesn't match they won't give it to you

Me) Really it's okay mom, no problem

Mom) Well it would be a good idea to wear boy's clothes when you go to pick it up

Me) No problem, I'll be sure to do that

LOL... I didn't have to go pick it up or sign for it... There was a knock at the door... When I answered, there was the package and the delivery guy was rounding the corner of the hallway on his way out

Anyway, my family is kinda funny sometimes but I love them and I'm okay with that and I love my new jacket 

[Samson99]

I am definitely in the same boat. I have been out for a while with close friends and my sister. At college I don't really care who knows at this point. Yet, my mom acts like nothing has been changing about me, and I wouldn't dare tell her. I am, like you, too scared that she would disown me. I adore my mom, and the thought of putting our relationship to each other in jeopardy is terrifying.

I've been told that in time, I should tell her. Of course because I am who I am, and that she should really know one way or the other, but also because she may surprise me and be okay with it.

I doubt this. People who tell me this do not know my mom very well, and to be honest, it aggravates me when they say that. I don't want to have false hope or feel like I should tell her anytime soon.

But yeah, I get ya with the being out, but not really being out. I don't know what to do about it either really. I guess we'll figure it out in time.

[_Noah]

_{I'm just terrified because less than three years ago she was the type of mom to say, "If any of my kids are gay, I'll kick them out." However...Ever since I started getting involved in the LGBT community, she's gone to pride events and /loved/ it. My best friend lives with me and my mom knows she's pansexual, and doesn't have a problem....I somehow think that coming out as a lesbian would be easier for her, because..then I'm still her daughter. Coming out as trans is...it's different, and harder, I think :|}

[Lee]

I know how you feel with that.  I actually grew up with my parents assuring my brother and I that it is fine to be gay, so coming out as bi wasn't bad at all.  However, I'm dead terrified to bring up being trans....

[Keroppi]

My family tends to be the "don't ask don't tell" type so I've never actually come out to any of them either... But I'm pretty sure they know

That's how I describe my current family situation to my friends. Aside from not wearing a skirt / dress in front of my parents, and not carry a handbag (though I do wear a female shoulder strap bag) in front of them, I dress and act completely female, including foundation piercing etc.. Even the handbag have been seen by my mum the very few times she comes into my room to clean it.

I'm waiting to find a full time job back where I went to university so I can move away from the city, and medically transition there to tell them. That will be fun....