I'm not going to bother to tell my life story, seeing as we're all here because of the same life story. Really I hate introductions, but I guess I've been here long enough it's somewhat of a necessary evil at this point.
Schizophrenics hear voices. We hear a voice. The same voice that tells us we're not who we appear to be is the same voice that tells us to stop when we try to be who the voice tells us we are in the first place. And so the struggle begins. We all have our own timelines, but what we share in common is the desire for the voice to stop.
And so here I am. I'm 36 years old and still looking for the voice to stop. I did HRT for two years from 23 to 25 and self-medicated on a couple of occasions between then and now. HRT got the voice to stop, but that same voice never told me to go either, to go full time and go the rest of the way. I may never know why or it may just be that it wasn't any one reason, but many. I panicked, I walked away.
The voice is still there and I want it to go away. No more self-medication, no more freelancing. Maybe I'm not supposed to transition, but at least I'll know what I'm supposed to be doing and then maybe I won't hear the voice anymore.
Hopefully my posts so far have given you a sense of who I am, better than an introduction could. Most of all, I hope I don't come across as some preachy list queen. If it ever comes down to it though, don't be afraid to tell me "Regan, don't be such a preachy list queen".
Someday when I'm through all this and my husband and I are holding hands as Tyra Banks interviews us, I'll say "Tyra, I just wanted to be loved on my own terms, in my own way.", and you can turn to your SO and tell them "That old list queen just wanted the voice to stop."
