How to Give a Cat a Pill

[Janet_Girl]

1.  Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.  As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.  Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
 

2.  Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
 

3.  Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4.  Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.  Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.  Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
 

5.  Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.  Call spouse in from the garden.

6.  Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.  Ignore low growls emitted by cat.  Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.  Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7.  Retrieve cat from curtain rail.  Get another pill from foil wrap.  Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.  Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 

8.  Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9.  Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away.  Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10.  Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.  Get another pill.  Open another beer.  Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing.  Force mouth open with dessert spoon.  Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11.  Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.  Drink beer.  Fetch bottle of scotch.  Pour shot, drink.  Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.  Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.  Toss back another shot.  Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12.  Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree across the road.  Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.  Take last pill from foil wrap.

13.  Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table.  Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak.  Be rough about it.  Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14.  Consume remainder of scotch.  Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room.  Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.  Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15.  Arrange for ASPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

[Flan]

just to violate the image policy

[V M]

LOL... I use to help my mom give our cat it's pill when I was young... Not an easy task... Especially with an alpha male Siamese breeding cat 

[Cindy]

Try giving them to a possum.

Insert go to orthopedic surgeon to be fitted with artificial arms.

When I was a junior tech I was involved in giving an injection to a Rhesus monkey. Four people, including me held a limb each; fifth person went to give injection. One tail grabs syringe and throws it across the room. Phone up for extra tech.
And no we were not doing cruel animal experiments. Monkey needed the drug and the decision was not to use a crush cage as it would be too traumatic.

Cindy

Cindy

[justmeinoz]

I discovered that cats can't taste sweetness, so aren't fooled by pills dipped in honey,which explained why the above scenario was played out at my place!
Plan B-
They do however like sardines.
Mash sardine.
Crush pill.
Mix with sardine.
Feed to cat.
Find that cat comes to like pills and sardine.
Find that cat will no longer eat sardine if it does not have a pill in it.
Conclude we have a very strange cat. 

[rejennyrated]

Look I know this was originally a joke, but in all seriousness, and in case anyone really does need to know, if you follow Janet's step one and then, holding the cats mouth gently shut with one hand massage its throat near where the adams apple would be you force a swallow reflex and the pill goes down.

We were taught that by a lad who we have fostered and who now lodges with us. He works as a farmhand and hence has loads of experience in getting animals to sawllow stuff. Works great every time.

[LynnER]

This is posted in my vets office minus the last step LoL

[spacial]

Saw this topic on the main page.

My cat is about 17 and needs a tonic pill. But I've given up.

He long ago gave up fighting with me when he realised he could get so much more by making me feel guilty. His current tactic is to play the tired, sad old man, too weak to even jump onto his chair. (Though he's quick enough when he wants to be).

One of the things I love about cats is how they get to know people on a personal level. I'm gonna miss this old boy when he's gone.

[Fie]

Cheese! If you have a cat like the one I had when I was little, it won't even notice the pill cause it'll be too excited about the cheese

[Jacquelyn]

This made me laugh. In July of 2009 my cat passed away. I had her for 17 years. She was exceptionally temperamental, but I loved her so much. I used to loathe giving her medicine.


My kittens (Fitzwilliam & Georgiana Darcy) are much better behaved. They take their meds without any fuss. 



Georgiana (L) and Fitzwilliam (R)

[rite_of_inversion]

The real trick to giving a cat a pill:
From my vet in part, with refinements by yours truly:

1.grab them by a BIG handful of scruff,  hard! with your nondominant hand, on a carpeted surface, and pull them forward.  Naturally, they will dig all four claws into the carpet and open their mouths to protest.
2. with your dominant hand, stuff the pill as far down their throat as possible
3. grab their mouth and hold it shut, again with the dominant hand, while continuing to provide traction with the nondominant hand, so they don't tear you a new one.
4. stroke their adam's apple with your dominant hand's  thumb until you hear a gulp.  Then let go very fast.

They will run off.  Let them go be outraged at the nerve of the help and give them a nice treat when they come out.
@spacial: they do make tonics that are meant to be tasty-also ones meant to be put on the paws, so the cats are forced to groom themselves and lick it off whether they like it or not.

Unfortunately, I've never been able to get hiding pills to work for cats-dogs, though-wrap it in cheese, and gobble-gobble. My one dog gets pretty much daily allergy meds at this point, and he's SO happy about it!

(We are overrun with cats ATM, by the way...seven! all rescued...need to work on rehoming the ones that we can-one sprays, even though neutered, and one refuses to come inside....)

[some ftm guy]

this is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. maybe 4 days!    still though i was expecting it to be real advice and since i enjoyed reading about your dog i thought this would be kind of the same but nope, not at all.

with our dog nothing else will work that we've tried cheese, hot dogs, turkey, he'll eat around the pill and spit it out eating only the food, unless we shove the heartworm pill in braunschweiger (some kind of german mushy meat that doesn't look edible but my dog is in love with it!) and i probably spelled it wrong.