I may fit more in the andro camp and wanted your guys opinion

[Kinkly]

working out where you fit is the hardest part of being different.  I tried fitting in for a long time when I started to see that I wasn't being true to who I am because I was following the rules of what it is to be "normal".  I've pushed aside the things I'd try to do to be "normal" and just try to stay true to who I am.  I knew what I wanted to look like ever since I saw someone on a late night TV Comedy/variety show I see myself strongly as both male & Female at the same time. So that is how I present (as a bearded lady) you need to choose how you want to be seen (Male, female,both, neither or somewhere in between), is fitting in important how do you feel about being seen as any of the other posibilities.  Once you know where you want to be you may be able to work out what how transitioning to being true to yourself.  You are welcome among us androgynes and other gender diverse folk.  If you think you are then you are even if that changes later.

Good luck on working out where you fit

[Jeatyn]

I admire people like you kinkly. I would LOVE to walk around in a dress with a beard but I'm not sure I have the metaphorical balls.

[Rogue Dog]

A lot of your situation and thoughts are quite similar to mine (including being 21), so I thought I'd just come by and talk about myself and hope it comforts you somehow

I'm female-assigned and mostly view myself as a pretty boy; I feel like a boy, relate to boys, often act like a boy, but I don't want to look manly, I'd rather look like a flamboyant femme queer thing.  I want to be able to keep my long hair and wear jewelry, but presenting in that fashion makes me seem like a girly girl.  I am quite certain I don't want to conform to either of the sets of gender stereotypes out there, but I also want to be able to express who I am.

In principle, I don't mind random people on the street thinking that I am like all the other girls.  I am mostly concerned about my family, who take a femme appearance as evidence that I am happy to be a girl and do not want to transition.  I guess I differ from you in that transition is definitely in my plans - my "female" sex markers don't belong there and are very distressing to me.  I feel trapped in that the only way I see to escape from the body-hell is to look and act hyper-masculine so I'll qualify as ready for surgery.  My therapist encourages me to "just be myself" and present however I want to, but that seems to take me a step backward as far as acceptance from family and friends. 

I really wish I had been male-assigned, so that I could be free of the female hormones that are messing me up, have sex as a boy, get my parents to recognize me as a boy, and dress as I want to dress without appearing to conform to gender norms.  Cross-dressing would be a favorite thing for me if that could be the name for dressing femme.  I'd probably go for some of the non-hormonal/non-surgical elements of MtF gender expression, like facial hair removal and voice training.  I see my ideal in pictures of anime boys, cross dressing boys, prepubescent kids, and David Bowie style androgyny. 

I'm at a loss trying to explain to gender newbies that I feel like a boy, I am a boy, I want to be a boy, but I also want to look like a girl.  I'm unsure whether taking T would help me at all, or simply add on masculine markers that I will then want to erase.  I've been calling myself neutrois to try and express a desire to have my female sex markers removed without adding male sex markers, but... it just doesn't seem quite right, because I don't want to express no gender; I want to be male and express femme. 

It seems stupid that I'm considering going through massive hormonal and surgical changes just to end up with an appearance fairly similar to what I have now through binding and packing, but I know I'm going to have to do something because my body is all wrong.  I think (albeit totally subjectively) that estrogen is wrong for me and it's wreaking havoc on my emotional state and self-concept.  For me personally, that body-focused dysphoria is the main driving force behind my desire to transition. 

I don't know quite what to advise you since we're different in that regard, but I'll take a shot at it anyway.  You'll find no end of people who tell you that hormones and surgery are for "becoming a man/woman," but they're not really "FOR" anything.  They're just the tools we have to manipulate physical gender traits.  Don't let anyone tell you that you're considering transition for the wrong reasons; I don't think you should have to qualify for transition by checking off certain signs and symptoms.  Unfortunately I haven't found any medical providers who agree with me.  They mostly seem to subscribe wholeheartedly to the gender binary as society sees it.

I really identify with what you say, shiinee. I feel like I should have been a cross dressing, camp, boy. I was born female and I really enjoy dressing high femme to go out, false eyelashes and the highest of heels, but every day I wear men's clothes and no make-up. Though I just grew my hair to counterpoint it. If I didn't have long hair, I probably would wear make up. I don't want to pass as male. But I would really like male genitalia. I just always imagined that. But I don't really want facial hair or any other signifiers of masculinity.

[Lee]

Jeatyn, I know how you feel.  Honestly, before hanging out here, I didn't know that there was such a wide spectrum.  I understood about intersex and transgendered people, but I had always thought that emotionally, people were either female or male and have felt out of place for it.  I hope that you can identify how you feel and build up the metaphorical balls to work with it.

[ThenWeWereFlying]

I think I know how you feel...I think that, more than anything, you're struggling against the narrowness of society's perceptions, which I think is a good thing to do. Questioning the status quo generally brings about positive change, at least the way you're doing it. :]

Yeah, I definitely know what you mean. I think that it might be easier to accept male pronouns because they are just marginally broader than female pronouns (i.e. we tend to refer to things/people/etc. we're unsure of the gender of by male rather than female) and male pronouns do not have the double standard that female ones have attached to them. That's part of the reason, I try to avoid them, anyway.

You seem like a peace seeker to me, and if that means defying gender then that is perfectly alright. Once you think about it, both "standard" genders have heavy connotations attached to them, and if you don't identify with either of them, that's not surprising. Actually, I would have to commend you for being yourself rather than buckling under the weight of society as so many, trans or not, have.

Sorry, this is really broad, and I just hope it helps you. :]