That's Life...

[Hadassah]

Greetings...


I am new here and like to be called Hadassah and I am 31 years of age. I have had a very shaky history of transitioning since I started at the age of 17. It has been very difficult for me do to pressures and perceived obligations within my community so I had to remain quite and hidden. You see I belong to a very conservative Christian communion and community and that is Torah Observant and within the Reformed Tradition of the Christianity. To give an example of what we are like we are very similar in outward practice to Ultra-Orthodox Judaism and Old Order Amish. But we are in the Puritan Tradition of Doctrine. So suffice to say for me it is not a easy road to travel and it will NOT be easy for me.

At the age of 17 I started Hormone Replacement therapy on my own  which ended 6 months later in an emotional state and depression. Did have some growth. Got the big idea to try it again when I was 20 but after 8 months I stopped because I wanted one day to have my own children and because obligations within my community to settle down and start a family and because of fighting issues within my mind because of my beliefs.  Got married at the age of 22. A year went by with no producing of children then suddenly I had a daughter. After a few more years my desires for transitioning became even stronger. I also had no further children and thinking I was unable to have anymore I contemplated transitioning again. I had some serious breasts growth over the years and mostly after stopping the hormones (Baffling). I had to tell me wife it was an effect from medicines that I was on for some of my autoimmune issues and that it was unavoidable.  I developed a small 35-36 B cup. I no longer can fit into a A cup and literally fall out of it but fit nicely in a 36 B with just a small room to spare. I also seem to be between Tanner Stage 2 and Tanner Stage 3 since I see alittle of both stages.

I am now 31 years of age and at a moment that though I still have times of doubt I am pretty much at peace with wanting to further transition. This time I want to be under total doctor supervision. But I am uncertain if I will be able to transition further since it has been so many years and so many starting and stoppings. Will the doctor even be able to help me with any more progress?  With the process that I did of starting and stopping and many years of gaps inbetween stunted and hindering my growth? I would like to perhaps get to a small C cup and perhaps total separation of my mounds since they are only partially separated.

Does anybody have any experience or knowledge of the effects of starting and stopping and gaps inbetween and whether further transitioning is possible?

Anyway, that is my life and my history.  It's a wreck I know but thats life...
Glad to be here and looking forward to learning...

Hadassah

[Mrs Erocse]

Welcome to Susan's! I don't have advice to offer but there are plenty of great, compassionate, smart people here that are well informed. I am sure they will respond to your questions. I have never corresponded with so many kind people before. It is a wonderful place. Glad you found it.

[jamied]

Hadassah,

Welcome!  As Mrs. Erocse says  there are plenty of people here that can help you.  My suggestion would be to get to the apporpriate forum(s) and ask the question: under Community Conversation,  MTF Transsexuals or further down in the Transexual Talk, Male to Female Transexual Talk or under Transitioning, Hormone Replacement Therapy.

Hope that helps.

Love

Jamie

[erocse]

 Girl , Don't even get me started on conservative religious views. Although I have the utmost respect for those that have them. It does make life very hard on some of us.

   Hadassah , Welcome to the Susan's. The questions you have are fairly common ones, you find the answer here, I am sure. I have often wondered the same things.

   Hugs, Erocse

[justmeinoz]

Welcome Hadassah, you will find lots of good info and even better friends here.

I guess the Ninth Commandment, not to bear false witness could be invoked if you are cornered.  If I have the soul of a woman it is a lie to pretend to be a man.

Sandra.

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Hadassah,

Welcome to our little family. Over 4100 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation Rules
  

Hugs and Love,
Janet

[Jillieann Rose]

Hello Hadassah,
Glad you joined Susan's.
Sorry I do not know the effects or the results of starting and stopping HRT. But I know there are some other people here at Susan's who have started over a few times.

But I'm sure you can start again under medical supervision.
I'd sure give it a try anyway.
Oh and most of us have times of doubt, but a gender therapist will help.
Keep posting.
Good to meet you Hadassah,

Your name means "myrtle tree" (an evergreen shrub used for its violet flowers and for making perfume) and is the Persian Queen Ester's Hebrew name. A brave Queen who foiled the plot to destroy the Hebrew people. I love the story of this great women.

Jillieann