[Warning from forum admin: This post contains Possible Triggers for abuse survivors]
Hi:
I am a 31-year-old pre-op transgender woman from Thailand. I was born in Thailand and came to the USA when I was 15. I have always looked, sounded, and dressed like a female. So I don't plan to get any surgery or other sex reassignment therapy. Gender is the brain, not the groin.
People in the west seem to think Thailand is more friendly for transgender women than the rest of the world. It isn't.
My present is decent and I can't see there is anything wrong with my current life. It's my past that really hurts me.
As I've mentioned, my voice, and my body [excluding the groin], and clothing are completely female. However because my groin is male, that is where I've had serious trouble.
At the age of 14, my life was miserable. I was a freshman in a high school hostel. The senior boys would mistreat me. Initially there were nice to me and most girls. It's when they found out that my genitalia is completely-male, then they began bullying me. The adults, staff, and other figures of authority didn't care. They were as transphobic as the most of the senior students. Also, transgender girls were housed with boys and were not allowed to use girl-only facilities
It was around two weeks after I turned 14, and things took a terrible turn. A 17-year-old senior boy began doing terrible things to me. He had a sharp knife in his hand and threatened to slit my anus open and stab me in the rectum with it if I didn't do what he wanted. He carried this knife where even he went and the adults didn't care.
This boy gained pleasure from making me smell bad, smelling me, and then cruelly-teasing me about how I stunk. He demanded that I not take a shower, not use any deodorant or perfume. He ordered me not to clean my behind after I defecate. He also would make me rub my feces all around my body so that I would really stink. I had two sets of yellow silk dresses which I would change every day. I remember, the boy would not let me wash or otherwise clean them.
The senior boy made me rub vaseline all over my body, my hair and into my anus. He would mix vaseline into my food. He also made me eat plain vaseline. Diarrhea hit me everyday. He would make make rub these unusually- malodorous greasy stools on my legs, clothes, sock, feet, back, neck, scalp, arms, and into my hair. He would then smell me and taunt me about the foul odor he noticed. He would also sodomize me while smelling me. He would spit and drool on the back on my neck and scalp, rub the saliva on the back on my neck with his nose, and smell my neck and hair. Again, he would tease me about the bad smell.
During class, he would sit behind me, pull up my dress, and insert a pencil into my anus. I would scream and go into shock but none of the staff cared.
The entire school knew that this boy was a danger to my existance but no one did anything to stop him.
My parents would visit me and question me about my condition. I didn't report to them that I was being bullied because I was so scared. Aside from the terrible body odor, there were no bruises, bleeding, or other noticeable signs of abuse, so my parents figured there wasn't much wrong. Finally, about a month before my 15 birthday, my parents visited me. This time, I just had to complain to them about how the senior boy was mistreating me and how the staff did nothing. Scared as I was, I just had to let it out. Following this, my parents immediately pulled me out of the school. My parents did not waste time reporting it to police, because the local authorites were corrupt and would likely side against us.
In about 2 months later my folks were discussing moving to the USA. Approximately, 4 months later we had moves to America but were not complete citizens yet. It took another 6 months, and then my family and I because full US citizens.
Currently, I live in Rowland Heights of Southern California. I am a cleaning lady at a local restaurant.
Ironically, I felt so much better in the US than in Thailand. Most westerners would assume the opposite.
The pain which I suffered when I was 14 still lurks in me.
Any assistance on this matter would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks so much,
Kathoey
