To Pursue a Porn Career

[Megan]

I feel extremely ashamed for even considering gay porn as a profession (with stripping on the side), but I keep on thinking about it. I reflect on it, and then I look at my alternatives in my life.  I absolutely need wealth (200 k/more per year), and power (having some form of fame/success).

Last week I created a thread about careers, and the first option was referring to porn as a field of work. Tonight, I was doing my math homework, and I am looking at it... it's pointless to even try to look at it.  It's as if I know in my heart that I do not have the mental capacity ... or desire.. to truly master math, which leads to careers such as physicians/psychiatrists/business fields.  By master, I mean memorize it fully, and see it as a simple subject with no difficulty....

So that eliminates a lot of math-related careers, which are all the high paying careers. I would only do those careers for the money anyways.

Then I look at porn, and I see it as a easy career that I will actually excel at since I have the power to dominate that field because I am attractive for porn (I am 5'7 and they prefer that for reasons that things look bigger on camera), my face is handsome, smart enough to not ruin my career, and good enough to beat most porn stars if not all. But the drawbacks is that by time I am 45 years old, I know my time will be running close to the finish line. But I know I will be awesome in my 20s and my 30s, since I know my looks will be attractive till up to that age. I cannot see porn as a way of life pass 50 unless I get a muscled-body, but then I do not know if I really would like to continue such a lifestyle.

That will probably lead to owning a strip club, gay porn studio, or something related to that in the adult industry. I have no issues doing any of those.... Except the one issue of longevity, and if I could continue producing the wealth.

I want to be famous, and I see being a gay porn star as a way to be a gay-celebrity, even though it's not mainstream it's the most realistic way of achieving fame. If I become the biggest gay porn star then I will be satisfied.

Do you think I am absolutely stupid for considering this??? I do not care anymore about how I get the wealth and the success, but as long as I get it.

I plan to tell my family that I am pursuing this industry if I get an AVN award.

And I think I will get an associate degree in business just for the hell of it... to say I am educated. Maybe pursue a Bachelors. Who knows... but I want something in the back burner, or just a sense of pride that I am better than the average low life porn star.

[Megan]

While I am not sure if I am transgendered anymore, I think I am, but I am not sure... Like I heard from one person "if you can find any other way to be happy in not transitioning then do that"... I am coming to a realization that being transgendered was only a way to fuel my self esteem about my looks and being loved, and it wasn't because I wanted to live a life as a woman, but more of an being of desire. A fantasy. I created this illusion in my head that women were loved by men and protected by them, and that's what I wanted. But still I know my mind isn't a typical male (even if I live as a gay male).

But then I thought if I become the most attractive guy then I'll be happy as well, as long as thousands of gay men are lusting over me.

Then the pornographic world would give me this fake love, and at the same time I will also gain tons of money in the process. I need money, and tons of it, just to walk around wealthy would be awesome. And fame is important too, I been worshiping the idea of fame in my head a lot since about 3 years ago,  and I wanted to pursue the music industry. But then, with the music industry failing, and I have no ounce of talent why pursue that? That's stupidity.

If I find out that being loved and obsessed from others is what makes me happy then I will go in that direction to be happy as a person.

I don't think I could be happy ever...
a) less than 50 k per yr
b) without people worshiping me as a sex object, fantasy-being for a temporary time. I'll outgrow this feeling eventually though.
c) finding true love... maybe I'll marry another porn star.

I understand and realize that my psychology is really warped currently... but sadly I do not think I will ever fix this. But I am sure about one thing, I'll never be a transsexual porn-star. That's degrading, since I see a man (as an object) is fine but a transgendered person is different than a typical male body. It's just different... it's like making a transsexual into a sex freak, but a typical male won't because, half of the population are all male, and me being in the industry as a gay male won't ruin the image of men.

---
And I am a virgin currently, so I know that losing my virginity for a career of porn will be a huge issue with me. My virginity is really important to me, since I feel like as long as I am a virgin I am really not a bad person. Nor do I drink, ever done drugs, smoke, even swear. I know as a human-being, I am really innocent beyond belief for a person my age. But once I lose it, I know I have to lose it for the right reasons. And I'll have to conquer that industry... I want to change the world somehow. Maybe it wouldn't be through the beginning of my porn career, but I'll have to see.

My family is going through intense poverty, and I promised my mother that I will bring her out of the poverty somehow. I told them I will make a lot of wealth.

So I have to make the money, and it doesn't matter how I get it (nothing illegal though).

I'll get some college education though... I'll be fine.
I have to think more about it... but I feel like I know the correct answer in my heart now, but still it's a huge decision.

[Cindy]

Hi Megan,

I'm not sure how one becomes a porn star. But it may mean dealing with people who do not have a lot of interest in your well being. Yes there are some very wealthy porn woman, I don't know how they got there and what they gave to be there. But I'm pretty sure that acting ability wasn't high on the list.

I don't follow the industry, but I would have thought porn men were a dime a dozen, unless you are of a particularly freaky penile size.

Remember to take in the health risks associated with the industry. But if it is what you want to do and are not forced into it do it.

But I'm not sure what any of this has to do with a TG support site?

Cindy

[Megan]

But I'm not sure what any of this has to do with a TG support site?

That's why it's in general discussion, and I didn't put into the sexual one because I wasn't talking of what happens on-set. But I didn't feel like it belongs in the transsexual section.

I created this thread, because I wanted the thoughts of others on how they view the porn world (when I placed it here). If it was stupid.

Maybe I should go to another forum, or just keep it to myself to decide. It probably wasn't necessary to create this thread, but a lot of threads in general aren't necessary, so I don't think it's a big deal.

[Cindy]

Sorry Meghan,

As a Mod I get everything from every site.
I was and  I am not in any way judging you. I was purely concerned for you. In a purely sisterly way.

Hugs Sis

Cindy

[kyril]

Megan,

Please get professional counseling. Not because you're thinking about doing porn - that would be fine, if it were what you really wanted to do. Rather, because you've been doing and considering doing all sorts of things that you clearly don't want to do - transitioning, doing porn, etc - in pursuit of an unrealistic fantasy of becoming a wealthy fantasy sex object.

I don't know exactly what makes this goal so alluring to you. Perhaps you see it as your only possible escape from poverty. Perhaps you're having trouble accepting yourself as a gay man. Perhaps you feel lonely, unimportant, and ordinary, and you believe you "need" to escape into this fantasy life. But whatever it is, you need to get it sorted.

I'm genuinely concerned for you because the things you've been considering doing to yourself can be deeply harmful. Transitioning, if you're not transsexual, will make you transsexual. Irrevocably so. Porn and sex work, if you're a relatively innocent person who values his virginity and purity, will feel degrading, probably painful, and possibly emotionally traumatic. And if your goal is wealth, you may find yourself making even worse decisions - the extra cash lures many young men into bareback porn, with its extraordinarily high risk of HIV infection.

Sex and sex appeal are not your only ways out of whatever situation you feel yourself trapped in. Pursuing them may, in the end, leave you feeling trapped in an even worse situation - without what you consider to be your current assets, your purity, your attractiveness, your self-worth, your health.

Please find a counselor. There are a lot of queer youth resources out there, many of them free. Please find a professional to talk to, and tell them what you've been telling us.

[Jacquelyn]

I have to agree with Kyril- You should definitely look into seeing a counselor. I think you are mistaking the false affections and attention that going into such an industry could bring you with real love and happiness that you and everyone else really deserves. You need to stop selling yourself short.

I am sure that you are much more intelligent than you are giving yourself credit for, you seem to be able to reason (though I think again, that your reasoning is a bit off here). Just take some more time to consider where it is that you really want to be in life, and perhaps talk to a counselor who can be objective and help you to sort through those feelings and desires.

[AmySmiles]

I also have to agree with Kyril and Jacquelyn.  Wealth and adoration are good things to strive for in life, but not necessities.  I think your seeming obsession with them is unhealthy.  Discussing this face-to-face with someone else would be helpful because it is very easy to convince yourself of an unwise course when you are the only one arguing.

Whatever you decide, be absolutely sure you know what you're getting yourself into before you jump into the porn industry in search of money.  Everything I have read says the industry is very efficient at getting its workers trapped in a lifestyle of parties and drugs, where they then end up spending most of their money, needing to continue sex work to sustain the lifestyle.  You might go in with the best of intentions, but if you stay too long who knows what will happen to your resolve?

I'm deeply concerned for your well-being, but ultimately only you can make the decision.  Just please know what you may be getting yourself into.

[Megan]

I have to say my goodbyes to Susans, the forum, since I come to the conclusion that I am not transsexual... but just have too many wants and desires to manifest itself into reality.

I want to be female for the wrong reasons, but I do not NEED to be  a female. It's not the cross-dressing stuff either, but just this self-talk "I want to be love like a female". I do not need that kind of love, or any love, but just acceptance as a male.

I am fine with being a male, and  a life of a transsexual is so much more difficult than anything else. If I pursue that then I will end up looking in the mirror at a passing and pretty female, but I will then just want to use that beauty to get men for their moneys. At 50, I will look at myself and think to myself all negativity about my actions in the past.

I think it's just best I go now, since if I am not transsexual, then there's no point in trying to think I am one...

[Cruelladeville]

I'm not going to comment on yer musings re: the genuineness of yer transexuality....or not.....

But porn... an easy career – me thinks this is an uber oxymoron!! 

When young it may seem like a viable option for sure, but very few souls make it through okay long term to the other side Megan...

As it's a career choice that feeds into primal drivers that can make you question your relationships and is some cases it damages them with men/male/masculine type people...

And the money that flows through the industry oft has links into the darker crime fuelled underworld..... the connection betwixt drug use and 'performers' is well documented...

Though gals that pole dance there way through Uni to supplement there fees, well again good luck to them...

But when you look at the math of how that one works - they pay the club a large upfront fee to work, for the privilege of using there stage - which means you have to claw back a hole load a big tips every hour to make it work out... which means lots a private dancing....

And I dare say this leads back to black economy pay styles where no one declares (cash) anything to the IRS or else once more the numbers just don't stack up...

But back to the actor's actresses I believe in hetero porn tis the chicks that make the money not the chaps.... not familiar with the Gay Porn scene.... but I would imagine it's the straight bull umber-alpha muscle men that get the big cash?

However some of us will be aware of the notoriety of TS performers, twould seem even Gia Darling has posted on Susan's praising the services of  Dr. Brassard...

So I can see that historically working in the 'industry' might have generated funds to procure change...

However we're now in 2010, in one of the worst depressions we've experience for decades... discretionary cash is at an all time low...

Free porn might be doing very well, but when it comes to keeping warm and eating or paying for masturbatory clicks.... me thinks the days of the 'easy' money are very long gone...

So be careful if you do decide to venture into this Megan....

[kyril]

I think I can bring some light to the economics, since I've worked as an exotic dancer (yeah, yeah, don't ask how that worked...)

You can actually make fairly good money. The stage fees aren't all that outrageous; I only had to pay a $40 stage fee, and I could easily make $300 in a night, and I rarely did lap dances (only when asked, I wasn't comfortable with trying to "sell" them to the customers). The problem is that most people who do sex work end up burning a lot of the money they make on coping mechanisms - drugs, alcohol, shopping, whatever escape mechanism works to make someone comfortable with doing that sort of work. Porn actors are known for doing the same.

On gay porn: men willing to perform in gay porn make far more than those who do only straight porn, often by a factor of 10 or more. A guy doing straight porn might be paid a few hundred dollars for a shoot, whereas a similar gay shoot would bring in a few thousand. In fact, guys in gay porn often make more than women in straight porn for similar acts. However, the most lucrative gay porn is the most dangerous kind: guys who do bareback can make obscene amounts of money, but are at an obscenely high risk for contracting HIV. Serosorting (frequent HIV testing, and pairing known HIV-positive actors only with each other) is a recent practice that has helped some, but not nearly enough, because there's a significant latency time before HIV can be detected. Rampant drug use and needle sharing further increase risk.

In general, I would never recommend sex work as a career choice. I wouldn't generally discourage legal sex work as a stopgap measure, a way to raise some quick cash - but only people with the internal strength to deal with the unsavory characters, turn down the dangerous-but-easy money, refuse the drugs, and keep saving toward their long-term goals will be able to have an even remotely positive experience. Being sexually experienced and a little bit cynical can also help. It's not an industry for the innocent, the naive, the starry-eyed young people.

[Cruelladeville]

Sobering good advice Kyril...

And i too thinks yer current pic is uber-fab too!

[lightvi]

You could give acting a try, if your good and become famous you make tons of money. I'm trying to get into theatre but it's been pretty bumpy.

[Megan]

You could give acting a try, if your good and become famous you make tons of money. I'm trying to get into theatre but it's been pretty bumpy.

out of all the people in the acting business, who are the Brad Pitts and the Megan Foxes?
I have no training, never performed on stage, and I'm "old" to start with acting (19 by time i plan on pursuing that). 24 by time i get some credits under my name, and 28 I'll be risking it. And I don't really want to act, i just want fans. If I fail, I'm going to be poverty-stricken by 30-something. That isn't going to happen to me.

I don't have a chance, that's unrealistic goal for me.People do acting as a hobby, people do not get paid well for doing hobbies, fame isn't realistic goal to achieve in  mainstream media.

as good as that sounds,

if i get into acting
then i'm just going to be a big joke (to myself), and degrading everyone's true passion for by just doing something for this fame.

[lightvi]

You usually have to work hard to be famous, I don't know many that were born into fame except hairs to the throne and royal families. I don't think your ever too old to start acting, I mean they need actors and actresses of all ages even if they just end up an extra. John Noble is 60 something and he's one of the main characters in Fringe. You have to believe you can make it, saying it's unrealistic and just a hobby isn't very nice to the people that want to make it a career. I've intentionally chosen theatre instead of television for it's lack of media involvement. I don't want to be famous, I want to act.

If it's not what you want to do though and you just want fans then I guess just be creative, come up with an amazing thing that everyone will love and make you go down in history. Don't let yourself cave into to crossing your line though, like the people above me said just because shooting up a school will make you famous doesn't mean it will be the "good" kind of famous.