Longtime lurker here

[Nikolai_S]

Hey everyone, I'm Nikolai. I live in upstate New York, and I've been lurking here for months without registering. Mostly because I'm fairly reserved and I don't tend to jump into forums like this easily. I'm really geeky - into literature, psychology, languages, zoology... Russian history, ancient civilisations... art theory and criticism, interior/fashion design, mythology, codes... everything. I'm also getting seriously into art of all media, primarily graphite, acrylic, pastel, and digital. I have an awesome FtM boyfriend who I'm dating long distance, and who is also currently dating an MtF. My life's an enormous LGBT soap opera, I swear. I'm slightly genderqueer, and I really want to be able to go more femme after T and still pass. Eyeliner is my friend. 

I've known I'm FtM since I was 11. That's when I found the word transgender, at least, I felt male even before then. Unfortunately, I had no idea transitioning was possible. I thought SRS was for rich people, didn't know about hormones, and thought transgender was basically just the knowledge that you didn't match your birth gender. So I went about four years like that, and had major depression because I thought I was stuck for the rest of my life. Only when I started to get involved with the LGBT community as a bisexual did I realise there was anything more, and I started researching like mad. I came out in February to my parents, and now I'm just over a month away from getting testosterone. But it would have been so much easier if I had been able to do something when I was younger. As a result, I really want visibility for the trans community, because I don't want any other teens/preteens/kids to not know and have to feel as trapped as I did. It also makes me wonder if I ever want to be fully stealth - I've already changed the minds of homophobic people around me just by being out and answering questions, and made others think about gender in ways they never did before. I want to be able to do that much on a bigger scale.

So that's the really condensed story of me. Ask me questions or start a conversation with me. I'm probably to shy to message anyone here first.

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Nikolai,

Welcome to our little family. Over 4100 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

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Hugs and Love,
Janet

[xAndrewx]

Welcome to the forum Nikolai,
     young and on T in around a month? That's awesome that you are able to start at an early age You have big goals. that's a great thing man. I'm 3 years older than you and only now about to be able to start T. Sad to say, although I would love to be more active in transgender rights, I want to eventually be stealth so you sound very brave. Look forward to seeing you around the forum.

[Adabelle]

Welcome Nikolai,

I'm pretty new here too, but I've found this community to be so helpful, and the people here very caring and knowledgeable. I hope you do too!

[Nikolai_S]

It's definitely a lot in a very short period of time. I think that's why my physician made me wait this long actually - about a month ago I came out to all of my friends, my grandparents, and some cousins, two weeks ago I began an art class stealth, and I've just cleared up some major depression so I'm actually functioning. Only came out to anyone earlier this year. Plus I'm in my second year of college despite being so young, so I have that stress. I definitely consider myself lucky to be starting T so soon though. If only I wasn't so ambitious and impatient.

[April Dawne]

Greetings, Nikolai and welcome =]

[Arch]

Hi, Nikolai!

[Lacey Lynne]

Hey, Nikolai:

You are very brave and very smart.  That's awesome that you are educating people about the LGBT Community by living it out loud.  Moreover, and by no means least, that you are, by your own admission, "very geeky" is a huge plus in my book.  Your stated interests are fascinating.  Guys who are uber-geeks are way cool.   Post often and feel at home.  Lots of very smart and very caring people here.  You're among friends.