young nephew is a homo/transphobe

[Elsa.G]

I have a young nephew who just turned 14 a few months ago and he is homophobe and is equally a transphobe. I was watching a program today about sex changes and ->-bleeped-<- when he came to visit, when he saw clips of the show he was extremely disgusted, he called it mutilation, man in dresses, etc. Now my nephew is not a dumb little kid, hes extremely smart does good in school, hes a freshman this year. He is very homo/transphobic its very sad to see, when we see gay or trans ppl he'll call them the f word, man in a dress, homo, etc. I do not understand why?no one else in my family is like that, as a matter of fact my sister(his mom) has a few gay friends. I know hes a young kid but i dont get why he is this way. Apart from that he is a very good kid, respectful and polite to other people. Hes anti racist, treats women good, is a good son but for some odd reason he is against gay and transgender people. I dont get it?

[Crimbuki]

14 is not too young to have been brainwashed by other *phobes.

Young he is, but innately prejudice I assume he is not.

Find the source of his disgust and discuss it with him. Try a little counter-brainwashing.

Maybe it's ->-bleeped-<-s on the internet (ironically, a lot of gay men spew anti-gay filth, some of it in the name of humor and well, irony).

Maybe it's his school friends.

Maybe it's religion.

Maybe he's overcompensating for true feelings. Who knows. I think now is a great time to have a serious, non-threatening, non-suggestive discussion about why he says those things.

[Emmanuelle]

Hi Elsa,

Could be a number of things.
At that age people are defining their sexuality. One way of getting to that is by pushing certain approaches away (e.g. becoming homophobic). In that case it's only a phase they go through in order to figure out where they are on the sexuality scale.
Another explanation is that he feels confronted with a gay/trans situation and doesn't know how to deal with it, in which case a revolt could be more of an outcry rather than a conviction.
And then of course, there is peer pressure where friends of his are homophobic and he's emulating that attitude to gain respect/relevance from within his peer group.

Love,
Emma

[Janet_Girl]

Simple put he is just acting like he sees his others acting.  Just let him know that that kind of behavior or attitude is not welcomed in your house or presence.

Intelligence, being smart, does not mean that they don't act as they see others do.  But he is young and he will catch on quick that it is not an acceptable behavior around you.

[Nicky]

I agree with Janel Lynn, make it unacceptable around you.

Just to put things in perspective, I was very homophobic at school. I went to an all boys school and it was considered the worst thing to be considered gay, I did not know better. Yet here I am, queer as a twisty.

[Nero]

I agree with others - often people, especially teens will exhibit the response they have been conditioned to believe acceptable. Young boys especially, are fearful of giving the 'wrong' response or reaction to homosexual images (including trans). It is fear at that age. If he acts disgusted, he thinks that 'protects' him from being identified in any way with those who are unacceptable to his peers.

I remember reacting negatively to a lesbian scene in a movie once because I knew that was expected of a 'normal' girl.

[justme19]

I agree with Janel Lynn, make it unacceptable around you.

Yet here I am, queer as a twisty.

They just made my day reading that
I agree with what others have said, at his age being accepted in a major thing, if your a outcast school can be made hell for you.

Just make sure he knows that it is not alright, to act like that around you!

[tekla]

I was very homophobic at school.  . . .  Yet here I am, queer as a twisty.

Might be a connection there ya' know?

[Jalene E.]

Yikes! That's really sad but I must agree that he is most likely trying to fit in with peers. But I would not tolerate that in your home or presence and I would stop him faster than a speeding bullet when he starts. I may be just a little thing of a girl but it did not stop me from physically removing a friend of my daughters who started this same crap from my house. Then I would ask him to his face why he is acting in that manner. I wish you luck with this issue it's not an easy one.

[Rachel Bellefountaine]

Just to put things in perspective, I was very homophobic at school. I went to an all boys school and it was considered the worst thing to be considered gay, I did not know better. Yet here I am, queer as a twisty.

Me too, actually. I went through a transphobic/homophobic stage in my life, because my mom caught me "cross dressing" and told me that it was something that only perverts do. Because of that I felt guilty about who I was and tried to suppress my feelings of being a girl, resulting in internalized transphobia, which further manifested itself into very homophobic opinions. The ironic thing about all this is that my mom has actually been the most supportive family member, ever since I went full time.

Anyway, elsaG, he may come around eventually. When people find out that a loved one is gay or transgendered it sometimes causes them to look at things from a different perspective. My brother, for example, was pretty homophobic and initially treated me really poorly for coming out as a transsexual, stating that "cross dressing" was something that people should keep to the bedroom, and that it was disturbing and sickening to look at (to quote "looking at your facebook pictures made me want to puke") . He told me that he would never call me Rachel, or accept me as his sister, even if a doctor stated to him that my being a transsexual was not a choice. This went on for while and I thought that I was going to lose my brother just for being myself.

Fast forward 8 months. My brother and I get along again, and he's trying as hard as he can to use my preferred name, even though he usually has to correct himself (which is understandable). Things between us are better than they've ever been, actually. So, yeah. You never know how a persons opinion can change, when they end up at ground zero.

[Elsa]

The sooner you make it clear you do not tolerate his behavior the better ... else it may get worse and will be difficult to handle later...
As Janet said make sure to ask him why is he acting that way....

[A]

At his age, I was transphobe, too. Yes, me, a transsexual, was a transphobe. Do not blame him too much, for it is very easy to be indoctrinated by media and friends (and over everything, family, even though this is not the case here). But you still must tell him that all discriminatory comportments and statements are unacceptable, against any group whatsoever. Who knows, such a thing might, like it did with me, mask a self-suppressed trans-ism or gay-ness.

[tekla]

mask a self-suppressed trans-ism or gay-ness

That's so true it's its own cliché.  We see it over and over, the biggest gay hater out there is getting meat in the seat twice a day, and if he's a minister too you can bet their is either illegal drugs or kiddies involved too.

Really, if it's nothing to you, what's it matter?  It's like I'm lead to understand that a lot of people around the world closely follow some game called soccer.  They have like favorite teams and all that.  I even get some of those people showing up at my work once in a while with their Arsenal or ManUnited stuff.  What do I care, I'm a baseball fan.  The only people who tend to care are those with a dog in the fight.