Coming out to my dad tommorow (MTF)

[Janet_Girl]

I am glad things went well for you Jessica.  Maybe after he looks some things up he will be more supportive.

[Colleen Ireland]

Jessica, GOOD for you, girl!  Way to go!  Now, don't be dismayed if he goes through a period where he has difficulty with it, that's normal - this is a BIG elephant to swallow!  And, how do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.  But it sounds like he's on his way, and so are you.  And believe me, it DOES get easier.  You can feel proud of yourself - you done good.  Now, have a good cry, you deserve it!

[cynthialee]

This is one of your bigest hurdles out of the way. Congrats.
I hope that when your dad soaks it all in and processes it all is well.
Hugz,
Cynthia Lee

[Melody Maia]

Congratulations Jessica. This is truly a big step. I remember when I came out to my mom it was extremely difficult. I had already told my wife, several close friends and even my pastor, but telling my mom was still very hard. It took a lot of courage to do what you did and you should be very proud of yourself.

[spacial]

I'm gonna send him a couple sites. He said he was gonna get home and on the internet right after.

If you think he's ready, why don't you get him enrolled here?

I can't think of any better place for information and positive support.

And jessica, I think you're brilliant. Admiration doesn't cover it. Well done.

[jessica]

ugh I just got an email from my dad and looks like hes having a hard time with it.  I guess it's because I haven't told him everything that's been going on with me but I don't think I can bring myself to tell him the full story yet. 

heres the email my dad sent:


Hey there buddy,

I looked up what you told me. I don't buy it. That's not you. You're a boy. You like boy things. Guns, war games, destruction. All that stuff. In don't see you as a transgender. No way no how. I'm not doubting how you feel. I think I mentioned Asexuality last night. You may be questioning yourself and your sexuality. There may be underlying reasons for that, and your lack of desire. I think the first step is professional diagnosis. Call Dr. Leon and make an appointment. I can come with you if you want some support and are afraid to state things for yourself. I don't think you've diagnosed yourself correctly and that's my opinion. I believe you aren't attracted to boys or girls. I also believe there could be many reasons for this, some of which there may be no changing, some of which you may be able to. Please check out the link below. I've also found other sites on this Phenom you would likely find on your own using Google.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality

Anyways, have a look and see. Maybe you've found this already and discounted it? Not sure. Let me know what your thoughts are.

love Dad

and heres what i replied with

I figured you would say something like this, I need to talk to someone that specializes in this kind of thing. It's hard for me to really talk to you about it because I've been putting up an act for a long time and its starting to really mess me up. I don't feel comfortable talking about my sexuality but I'll just tell you now that you definitely got it wrong. I really just need to talk to someone that has experience with this. It will really help me in being able to talk to you about it.


so I guess now all I can do is try to find a counselor or therapist in the area to try and work out these barriers I've built up so I can talk to my dad fully about this. I really don't wanna talk to my family doctor about it until then either.

[Epigania]

I think your father wants to help understand better.  He's trying to better understand what's going with your feelings so he can take it in.   It's a good sign he suggested getting help.   Perhaps he'll help you find the right therapist for you.   I think once you and the therapist get together and you have some professional backup, it'll help your father accept it.

I'll be honest.   You're father reacted better than mine.   Mine fell into a deep depression and contemplated suicide but his girlfriend helped him work out the issue.   Once I was able to talk to him and answer his questions about the concerns he had, he seemed to be a bit calmer.

Keep talking to him and don't shut him out, from the short snippet you posted he seems to really care about your happiness.  That's a great thing.

[jessica]

You're right epigania. I just felt angry and frustrated when I read my dads email. I'm glad this forum exists, you all help so much.

[Adabelle]

Hey Jessica,

That was totally a brave thing coming out to your dad like that. When I came out to each member of my family I was super nervous. In the end they said they still love me. I know that my parents are each dealing with it in their own ways. It's very hard for a parent to think - but I also think that the love of a parent is a really positive thing. It sounds like your dad loves you a lot, so even if it's hard for him to work through it just seems like he's the type of parent that will come around eventually and you guys can comfortably talk about it.

I know what has been most helpful for me was seeing a therapist about it and talking these feelings through. It makes it a lot easier then to talk to parents and family about it.

Anyway. I hope you know that we all support you here, and also that it sounds like your dad does too. It's so hard to hear this about your child, and try to understand it. So the road can be a little bumpy. Just try to be patient with him and just know in your heart he loves you and just wants to make sure you are okay and not making any mistake. My parents feel that way too, that they love me, but they also want to help me figure stuff out if they can. So far it hasn't been super bumpy, but my going to a gender therapist has really helped them not worry so much.

Anyway, I hope this is helpful for you.

[Colleen Ireland]

You're right epigania. I just felt angry and frustrated when I read my dads email. I'm glad this forum exists, you all help so much.

Jessica, try not to be too down about it... your dad's re-reaction is entirely normal in my experience.  My very best friend, who's known me for 36 years (he was Best Man at my wedding) initially reacted well.  He's gay, so he completely understood it wasn't a choice.  Yet... when I said I'd like to spend a Saturday with him as Myself, and have him address me as Colleen, it suddenly hit him... he'd need time to mourn his old friend T__.  So he went through a period of adjustment, even though he had been initially very supportive.  I think that's what your dad is going through, with the added baggage that he's your DAD.  Give him time.  Give him information (links to websites).  Then give him space.  And patience.  And please don't assume that will be his final word.  I predict he'll come around, if you give him what I've suggested...

[jessica]

thanks everyone youre all such a big help.

My dad wants me to go to my family doctor first but I don't really know what to say to him, I'm thinking I should just tell him I have gender dysphoria and if he can refer me to anyone in the area for that... i dunno

[Epigania]

Well, try talking to your family doctor and see what he says.  It couldn't hurt.   

[JessicaH]

Jessica, I don't think your dad's email was even close to as bad or negative as you think! I feel that he is really researching this and it shows he really cares. Since he doesn't have all the information as you do, he is coming up with some faulty conclusions. As you said, you have projected a false image your whole life in trying to be who everyone else wanted you to be.

The fact that he is trying to get you on the path to professional help is VERY encouraging!!!  He is just a little off in his opinion that you need to start with a family doctor who would most likely know as much about gender dysphoria as the average person. It sountds like he is doing a crash course in TG information and he is only a day into it. It took MANY of us YEARS to admit the truth to ourselves and gather the information that we needed.

I can see where a reaction would get a little alarmed after the first discussion when the "significant other" has a chance to do some research and they start getting an idea of the hurdles that you are up against. They are going to have a lot of concerns and worries and that is a good thing because it just showes that they care about you.


So please don't be discouraged! It sounds like you are off to a really good start!

Stacy

[bethw]

Congratulations Jessica. That's a gigantic step to take. I hope you and your dad continue to talk. He sounds like he really wants  to understand. Be patient with him.
Hugs
beth