Do I have to go back to therapy? :(

[Brendon]

I saw a therapist for a short while this year; the last time I saw him was about 3 months ago. I made it very clear that I was only there to get my letter for T. I'd seen a different therapist before this one for closer to 5 months, and he flaked out on me when I asked for a letter (even though he said he'd write me one  ). The second therapist wrote me a letter, my mom scheduled an endo appointment for me (I'm under 18 and afraid to make phone calls, lol), and now, roughly two months later, it's almost time for my first endo visit.

I called my mom a bit ago to work out some school stuff, and the conversation turned toward when my appointment was. She told me that she already got a copy of the letter from my therapist, and he recommended to my endo that I stay in therapy. Let me make it clear that therapists make me VERY uncomfortable. The first one I went to swore he'd worked with trans people, and then continued to call me by the wrong name and pronouns. The second therapist called me the right pronouns, but thought that it was okay to use my birth name during certain parts of therapy sessions. When I politely told him that it made me uncomfortable, he acted like I was totally over reacting. He also asked me when I "stopped playing with barbies, etc." and I told him that I felt like it was a trick question, as I'm mostly gay, and I know a lot of gay boys who had no problems playing with dolls when they were younger.

He kind of flipped out. 
I don't think he was angry, but he got really weird when I told him I was gay. Then he started asking me what I meant by that; did I want to be a man, or did I want to be with men? As if these are two mutually exclusive things (not to mention, I don't "want to be a man", I am a man. I want other people to see me that way too).

I don't really feel comfortable talking to him, especially since he was trying to get me to guess who the other trans guy at my school was since the other guy went to see him too. NOT VERY PROFESSIONAL!!! 

Does anybody know if I have to go to therapy just because he recommended it? Would it depend on how my endo feels about it? I'd rather not go if it can be avoided.

Please answer if you can! My endo appointment is Tuesday, and this therapy thing is making me really anxious.

(On a positive note, HOORAY TESTOSTERONE!!!  )

[Sean]

It is up to the endo whether he or she will expect you to be in therapy as part of being willing to prescribe you T and treat you.

I think you should explain to the endo that you are not opposed to therapy specifically, but that you've already had two bad experiences in therapy with therapists who have been insensitive or unprofessional in treating you, so it makes you very concerned about going to therapy which would be actively harmful for your overall treatment. I think you can give an example and I'd pick the worst one, such as telling you that he is treating another transsexual and having you speculate who it might be. You can say that this seems unprofessional and it makes you uncomfortable (who knows what patients he might encourage to speculate about you???)

Here is the problem. You can't totally trash this therapist, because the endo probably does care about the letter and recommendation. Beyond that, though, if you say, "He doesn't know anything about treating trans patients and sucks," then if I'm a smart, concerned endo, I'd think to myself whether I should even trust the letter at all. So there is a middle line between saying the therapist sucks and is great in terms of your own personal comfort.

I think you should be creative and proactive: The therapist recommended that you get T but remain in therapy. It doesn't say you have to stay in therapy with this same person. I think you might want to look into other recommendations for therapist. That way, you can tell the endo that you are committed to the process and getting T, and you don't feel therapy is necessary or helpful, but if he requires it as an ongoing part of treat, you'd be willing to see another therapist concurrent with receiving T. You may even want to ask the endo if he or she has any recommendations, if you odn't have any luck hunting down a suitable experienced therapist who can help.

I think if you've done your homework and go in with a list and this idea, you will seem moremature. The endo may agree you don't need therapy anymore or he might want it. Either way, you can move forward with T and getting a therapist-client relationship that is actually healthy for you.

[regan]

When I was on HRT and quit seeing my therapist, my doc made it clear he would not treat me if I didn't see a therapist, any therapist, he didn't care, as long as I was seeing someone.

[xAndrewx]

Brendon, congrats on being about to start T! As for your question my therapist has not yet given me my letter but asked that I continue for a while after he gives it to me to talk through the beginning changes and anything else we have not yet covered. He's giving me mine before the average therapist would though so that might be why he wants me to continue therapy, to let me start sooner but still keep an eye.

Maybe you can tell your endo you're uncomfortable with the therapist and see if he'll let you start while you find another therapist or something? 

[Brendon]

Thanks for the responses!

From what I hear about the endo, she sounds really nice. I just don't want her to tell me I have to continue seeing this guy. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what she wants me to do, but trying to find a credible trans friendly therapist on my parents' insurance is just about impossible. Look where the last two attempts got me. 

Thanks again for the answers and for the congrats on getting on T. I'm really excited, but this therapy thing is kind of ruining it for me.