Lately I've been doubting

[BunnyBee]

Others have said take it one step at a time and I think that is the best policy for everybody.

You take a step and see how you feel about it.  If you find you feel more peace and contentment, take another in that same direction.  If you feel less peace, adjust your course.

Life isn't a race, it's an expedition.  Rushing into things can get you too far in the wrong direction too fast, just like you sense that it would.  Find your peace, let it guide you.  When the right move is to take bigger, faster steps, the internal conflict within you will ramp up.  You'll know it if and when it happens, trust me.

[JohnR]

Questioning is good and healthy, it means you're making sure rather than just rushing blindly into it. I'm no shrink and I'm certainly not going to pretend to be able to diagnose anyone's GID but you strike me as more genuinely questioning than people who create dramatic scenes demanding to be handed the hormones they believe they're entitled to as soon as they walk through their doctor's door.

Transitioning is about more than just changing outward physical appearance. Our whole position in society and amongst those we are close to, or work with, also changes. After a while on hormone therapy, the outside world reads you as your preferred gender but you may have your nearest  and dearest still referring to you by birth name and pronouns because they too are scared of change.

Keep questioning at every stage you go through, it keeps you grounded and sane. You will have a window of opportunity during which to change your mind, but that window is open during the heady stage of transitioning when it is all new and the relief of finally, actively, doing something can be overwhelming.

Personally, a few months in, I went through a five minute stage of "what the hell am I doing to myself?" it passed as soon as it came.

If you do decide to opt for hormone therapy, then delaying it for a while when you think things through won't hold you back, just adjust the transition calendar in your head. You don't have to push ahead with surgery until and unless you are 100% sure it is the right thing to do. If you do have hormone therapy, and later decide it isn't right for you, then you can just stop taking it. MtFs have a longer period during which to change their minds without irreversible changes than FtMs do.

[pebbles]

I get situations like that.
"So I'm sitting here telling myself that I'm a transsexual... You know transsexuals are 1/10,000 most have never seen one like you before... How can you be so arrogant as to claim those odds are you."

Or
"How is it possible you want to transition so bad that your willing to kill yourself than go back?... How can you want to be female that much, You've never been female before. It's an absurd suggestion."

[K8]

I get situations like that.
"So I'm sitting here telling myself that I'm a transsexual... You know transsexuals are 1/10,000 most have never seen one like you before... How can you be so arrogant as to claim those odds are you."

Or
"How is it possible you want to transition so bad that your willing to kill yourself than go back?... How can you want to be female that much, You've never been female before. It's an absurd suggestion."

You're right, Pebbles.  I've been through those, too.  What makes me so special?  How do I know I should be a woman?

(Actually, transsexuals are closer to 1/1,000, but that is still pretty rare.)

I knew I was unhappy pretending to be a man, so I thought I could try to be a woman.  As I gradually worked into it, I found it really does suit me very well.   But JohnR raises a good point.  Transition is very exciting in the beginning.  It is worth questioning yourself: Do I feel wonderful because this suits me or is it because I'm doing something exciting and scary?

Transition to a new life, new position in society, new way of relating to the world is a BIG change.  It is worth questioning yourself along the way.  And it is worth having a guide (or many guides) to help you – caring friends, this forum, and a good therapist or counselor.

- Kate

[jamherst]

I doubt sometimes...I am doubting right now actually but I realized something today.

With labels aside, do what you need to do. Correct what you feel is wrong. There's no need to change something you are alright with. Lots of doctors and even the community will make you feel like you need to follow by a specific guideline or else you would ruin your life--it's just how society and communities function with social pressure. But transitioning is a big thing. We transition to heal ourselves not to follow others. Try to think about what's really bothering you before you came to know the terms transgender or transsexual.

[Rock_chick]

Doubts are normal hun, I started off doubting i could ever do this even though i knew i'd reached the point where i couldn't not do it. I just took loads of little pigeon steps and after 9 months i can't believe how far i've come.

[Nero]

Doubts are normal hun, I started off doubting i could ever do this even though i knew i'd reached the point where i couldn't not do it. I just took loads of little pigeon steps and after 9 months i can't believe how far i've come.

Exactly.
Look at it this way, Niamh: Have you ever had doubts about which car or house to buy, or whom to marry? Any time you have a big purchase or life decision to make, there can be doubts. Transitioning is a big life decision. Having doubts about marriage doesn't mean you aren't in love. And having doubts about transition doesn't mean you aren't trans.

Some of us get to the point where there is no more doubt and we must do this. There is no longer any argument. It's do or die. But not everyone reaches that point. And even for those that do, there was often an earlier time where we weren't certain.
So just take it slow and explore yourself.

[BunnyBee]

Some of us get to the point where there is no more doubt and we must do this. There is no longer any argument. It's do or die. But not everyone reaches that point. And even for those that do, there was often an earlier time where we weren't certain.
So just take it slow and explore yourself.

I am one of the people that waited till it was a life or death decision and I don't know if I would recommend following that path.  It was dangerous; a string of choices that I came very close to not surviving.

On the other hand, the advantage of having made those choices is that going forward I don't have to deal with any lingering doubt in the back of my mind.  I KNOW I couldn't have made through life any other way.

Was this certainty worth the risk or worth losing so many years of happiness?  Nahhhhhh, not even!  I would love to travel back in time just so I could slap some sense into my past self!

[Sean]

I agree with a lot of what's been said.

Take your time, doubts are normal, a good therapist can help you explore how you feel in a way that is hard (and sometimes impossible) by yourself.

Also, remember that there is a difference between how your gender identity (how you feel about yourself as male, female, genderqueer, etc.), and how you choose to express your gender. You don't need to put a label on everything, and even if you find the label you like, you aren't obligated to express your gender identity in any specific way.

[Rachel Bellefountaine]

You aren't alone. I've had doubts in the past, and periods of time in which I wondered if I was just a boy constructing some fantasy in my head, and trying to make that fantasy a reality. When I get that way I think back to my past and all of my experiences, and it reassures that I am indeed a girl, and that I am doing the right thing for myself.

[E]

I've doubted a lot. Sometimes, I'd watch a movie, and see how women got treated, and be struck by a wave of near-panic - "Am I really gonna put myself in a situation where I'd be viewed like that?" But then the dysphoria returns, and as it's gotten stronger, my doubts have all but vanished - it's damn hard to doubt your transness when you're actively dysphoric most of the time. I still doubt in those moments when the dysphoria vanishes, though - how could I not? But even when I doubt, I hope my doubts are wrong, because I want to be trans, if the alternative is to be male. And then I can't quite decide whether that invalidates the process of doubting by making me pre-biased, or whether it confirms my trans-ness.

[Lacey Lynne]

@ niamh:

Niam, all I know is that I most certainly have had my doubts and still have them ... sometimes every day.  Admittedly, most of my doubts stem from my financial circumstances and my age.  Transitioning is ideally done by people of means, youth and support. 

Briefly, these are my questions and answers only.  Yours, hopefully, are different:

Am I ruining my life?  Yes, I am.  Do I have enough money to do it right?  Nope.  Am I too damned old to do it right given my circumstances?  Yep.  Am I losing everything to do this?  Pretty much.  Is it worth it?  Damned if I know.  Catch 22 ... damned if I do; damned if I don't.

If I don't transition, I'll end up doing time or being dead.  Great options, huh?  If I do transition, what am I gaining?  A shot at sanity ... dim though it often seems to be much of the time. 

It's all about YOUR circumstances, YOUR feelings, YOUR life.  There is no imperative to transition.  In your mind's eye and at your heart's center, what circumstances will make you the happiest regarding your gender issues.  What will give you the least hassle and the most peace? 

It's your call.  Only you know for sure.  It may change over time.

Sorry if this didn't help.  I'm just being honest.  Take your transition to whatever extent works for you.  It's your life.  Make the most of it.   Peace and happiness to you.

[carolinejeo]

Self doubt is built-in to us regardless of what it is we are deciding. With TSs it is a major step to walk out into the world as the opposite sex. Everything you have ever experienced is now a mirror image, no wonder we doubt ourselves.

However, once you have made the transition it is then possible to reflect. It can be undone but only in experiencing it will you be able to know.

Caroline