Hello everyone!
Yesterday marked the eighth month of HRT for me, and I could really not be much happier about where my transition has taken me.
When I started all of this, I was still quite confused about myself, and conflicted. I was moody and full of bitterness and anger. I wasn't often a pleasant person to be around. I had actually been very much "Goth" for many years because it so readily fit who I was.
April is now a very happy and sunny person. People I know notice and comment on how much more positive and full of life and love I am. That's not to say that I am perfect, by any means; I still have to struggle sometimes with my personal demons when they rear their heads to try and drag me back down into that horrible dark place where I once lived.
Now, I strive for balance. I look for and try to surround myself with positive people and positive energy. I work very hard at keeping negativity and negative energy at bay. I am also trying to fully embrace myself, and love myself in EVERY stage of my transition because the way I see it, transition offers a person a unique opportunity to shed their socially-enforced construct and sort of rebuild themselves in their OWN image, not anyone elses. We also take with us through our transition the unique viewpoint of having lived a completely different life, and seen things through completely different eyes.
I love being me. I wouldn't choose to be trans, but I do choose to be ME.
Last night I went to the Mall of NH with my friend James who kept remarking on how well I pass now. He said it was amazing to see my evolution from the time we met until now, when as he put it, I don't look any different from any other woman. The mall was very busy being the beginning of the Holiday season, and not ONE person looked at me twice... except to just LOOK at me.
For the first time in my life, I truly feel like I fit in. I belong. I'm also falling in love with the most AMAZING man who loves me and treats me with the care, respect, and love I have craved my entire life. On top of that, I am now awaiting my court hearing for my name change, and as of January 1st, I will be April full time, including work.
I just wanted to share my happiness with everyone here! You've all been a great support, and I want to thank each of you for giving me your unique viewpoints, advice, and empathy.
Love,
April Dawne
