A bit confused.

[remmy]

I have never really fit in with other girls.  In grade school I always tried to play with the boys, but I wasn't allowed to since I was a girl.  Every birthday I was so jealous of my brother because I would get barbies and clothes when I wanted action figures and toy guns like him.  I would fight with my parents to wear the boys uniform to school instead of the girls.  I have always wished I was a guy, but have just tried to get by with what I have.

I have written this all off for years, accepting that I was just a little strange.  I always get really excited when someone says I am like a guy in some way, and I am always slightly offended when someone says I am girlish.  But maybe I just think somehow that guys are better than girls.  I go by Danny so before people meet me they won't know if I am a guy or girl. 

This morning my boyfriend was telling me about his transgender friend, and what he said it was like to be transgender.  It just got me thinking.

Has anyone gone through something similar?

[Robert Scott]

I think you will find this the perfect place to be....

Alot of us have had that exactly same feeling and thoughts.  Explore .. talk things out ... ask questions.  No one force you into labeling yourself.  It's your own journey to discover yourself

[ilanthefirst]

Yeah, I've been in the same spot.  I found out about the concept of "transgender" when I was in middle school, but decided that puberty was probably just awkward for everyone and I shouldn't bother trying to figure things out at the risk of labeling myself and then changing my mind down the line until that had blown over.  Well, I waited ten years and my feelings haven't changed, even though I've learned my fair share of coping mechanisms and have gotten pretty good at "making the best of what I've got".  Still, I wonder if socially ingrained misogyny is responsible for my feelings, and there's really no way to know for sure, since I can't go back in time and have myself raised in a different culture. 

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with putting on the "questioning hat" and taking time to read up on everything before making a conclusion about your identity.  Best of luck figuring it out!

[KaciKip]

Remmy, your story sounds nearly identical to mine. I always played with the guys, and when I did play with the girls, I would play a masculine role in our little make-believe games. If I couldn't, I simply refused to play with them. I remember that up until the age of seven, I would wish on my birthday cakes that I would wake up a boy and everything would be okay. When I realized that it doesn't work that way, I was completely and utterly devastated.

I went through a lot of grief and depression before accepting myself as FtM, including a 2-3 year phase where I denied being human because I just hated being in a female body so much. So for the longest time, I truly believed I was a wolf trapped in a human body

I'm not quite sure what made me realize that I am transgendered, or what exactly was my wake up call. I think it was a conversation my friend and I had, and we somehow got on the topic of how fun she thought it would be to be a boy for a day. I guess that suddenly made everything click or something, because I immediately thought, "I wish I was a boy everyday,"

and from there I began to question everything I ever knew about my gender, and things from my childhood began making sense. Now, everything Is just starting to unravel, and it's truly a frightening and exhilarating experience.

I think the most important thing though, is realizing that there's no right or wrong way to be transgendered. There's no set defined rules. A lot of it comes from the inside, and no one can tell you what gender you are except yourself.

If you need anyone to bounce questions off of, or just talk to, you can PM me since I feel like I just came out of that questioning phase, so a lot of the experiences I've had are still fresh in my mind.

[remmy]

I am afraid to think that I am not the way I am supposed to be.  I have always thought a lot of girls felt this way until a couple days ago.  I mean, everyone feels awkward and out of place sometimes.

But the more I think about it, the more it makes sense.  I have honestly never considered this until yesterday.  I don't think I go a day without wishing I could walk, talk, sit, and act like a guy. 

I feel constrained by the expectations of society.  In my gender role, and my life choices.  There are so many things I can't do as a girl, and I hate it.  But once again, I thought many girls felt this way.

[Cody Jensen]

Remmy, this is me exactly. I thought it was "just a phase" when I was a kid, and all I played with were motorcycles, HotWheel toys, videogames, PowerRanger action figures, secretly wishing I was a boy. I went through a short girly phase, but now I'm back to wishing I was a boy. I wish I could watch war movies with my dad as his son, play a good game of soccer with him, hear him call me "son" and teach me things about being a man. I hate being looked down on and treated like I am useless and weak (partly because my family is a little sexist). But now I realize it's a bit more than that and that I also want to wear boys clothes. I never would have thought of it before my Psychology teacher had us write a paper on ->-bleeped-<- and after writing it I realized...."this... this is me!!" I hope one day I'll be passing as a boy. Only there's so much confusion... I never thought this would be me. I am sad when I think I have to say good bye to the sister relationship that I have with my sister and best friend. I don't even know if my family will accept me. My plan is to move out, get a therapist, get on T, top surgery, and when I'm ready come out to my family. But it sure will take a while. I'm most worried about work at the moment as I might be getting a job soon and I don't know if they'll fire me.  But I'm so relieved to know I am not alone. This is exactly how I feel.

[Riley]

I am afraid to think that I am not the way I am supposed to be.  I have always thought a lot of girls felt this way until a couple days ago.  I mean, everyone feels awkward and out of place sometimes.

But the more I think about it, the more it makes sense.  I have honestly never considered this until yesterday.  I don't think I go a day without wishing I could walk, talk, sit, and act like a guy. 

I feel constrained by the expectations of society.  In my gender role, and my life choices.  There are so many things I can't do as a girl, and I hate it.  But once again, I thought many girls felt this way.

It's awesome that you haven't conformed to being a certain kind of person. In our society, that's not an easy thing to do. Don't feel constrained; the expectations of society are just constructs, and you can live life any way you want. What others think doesn't need to affect you at all. You can do it all, just go for it!

[Debra]

I have always thought a lot of girls felt this way until a couple days ago.

Lots of us feel this way too and don't realize till later that not everyone feels like that.

[JerkBoy]

It can be a little difficult growing up because these thoughts and feelings seem to be so taboo that we don't really talk about them with anyone out of fear of rejection. So, naturally, most of us assume they are normal thoughts to be having and think that its right to supress them "like everyone else does". That's why its so important to talk about it out loud with people you know won't judge you, even if you think its unimportant. It will most likely lead you to the right conclusion. Atleast, in my experience.