I know it, but now what?

[ducky]

At the age of 16 I came out that I was a lesbian. Now here I sit a few years later and look at myself. In my eye's I am a male. I shop in the mens section, I use male hygiene products, I dress the male part. I know I'm somewhere in-between. I would trade in the female parts in exchange for a half-decent male part. (I don't mean to make a joke of the topic, I just thought a little humor would work) I don't want anything to do with female things. 2 people, plus those who read this, know this. My family says I'm lesbian, my girlfriend and I know I'm male. I prefer to be introduced or assumed upon meeting as male, I use male characters in games, I'm uncomfortable when refered to as a female. What I'm asking is, what do I do now? How do I tell my family that their little "Lorrie" would rather be little "Andy"? It's not like I'm going to be disowned, I'm overly-nervous. :s

[LordKAT]

Welcome to Susan's.

Telling your family is difficult and you will hear and see many ideas for it.

Where to start if you want to think of transitioning or how to deal with family, friends, and work would be to seek out a therapist, preferably a gender therapist. Some general therapists are good also especially if they have some experience working with gender issues.

Good luck in however you choose to proceed next.

[Janet_Girl]

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[xAndrewx]

Hey there ducky welcome to Susans 

You sound like I was at 16 so I'll tell you what I did. Maybe it'll help or maybe you'll read it and it won't be helpful at all. Either way at that age I started introducing myself to anyone who wasn't friends with my mom as male. I told my mom that my friends at school said I didn't look like a (insert my dreaded legal name) so they called me something else. I actually went through three years of highschool going by the nickname Rainbow. I've been out to most people for almost 4 years but have only been out to my mom for somewhere around a year. My mom spent the first 6 months in denial "you're not a guy just a butch lesbian, why must you where men's clothes, you can be you just don't get a sex change" Now she is going to be paying for my insurance to start T. It's taken a lot of time for her to comprehend and get used to it. Not everyone's parents are the same though. I suggest reading a lot for if you have the sit down I am a guy talk to be able to answer any questions she may have. Also I went to a youth group which helped me entirely. My girlfriend back then was my best source of support so it's great that you have that. I'm going to stop ranting now... see you around the forum   

[ducky]

@ Lord Kat: I had no idea there were gender therapists, I will have to look into that here.

@ Michael: That's sorta where I'm sitting. If they don't know my folks I go by ducky, but when my folks are involved it's not so easy. I think my mom would accept it alot easier than my dad would. I'm definitely going to do some more reading. It's been hard to find a label that fits so I want to make sure this is who I in fact am.

[Aegir]

Hey bro, welcome to the board. If you didn't know about gender therapists there's probably lots of stuff you don't know about this yet, so I recommend some googling to get you started. (and of course you can always ask us, too)

[JerkBoy]

Ducky, I have a feeling that that is the way a good percentage of us start out. I identified as lesbian for the past 5 years until I sat down one day with some of my masculine lesbian friends and talked about if they all enjoyed being girls. They all did, but I couldn't relate because I'd always used butch lesbianism to get closer to my goal of being a male (unknowingly). I always cringed when my mother introduced me as "her daughter" and never wanted to correct the waitresses that called me a boy.

I haven't yet come out to my parents about this either, just my closest friends, exes, and current lover. Before I discovered Susans, they were my little security net to help me cope with all the confusion. Do you have any friends that you'd be comfortable with telling?

[ducky]

There is alot I still need to learn. I don't correct waitress ect.. My mom always jumps on it. I have 1 friend who knows and she's being very supportive during this. I have discovered there is a gender therapist in the city next to mine so I'm going to give her a call and see what I can figure out. It's deffinitly going to be a journey.