Well, I tried....

[MissTina]

 ...so I tried coming out to the wife....

...it didn't work as well as expected. We spoke for a good two and half hours. I thought this was positive, since there was no immediate flip-out or anger. And then.....

...nothing. Utter silence. She didn't speak or touch or even look at me for four whole days. 

And then, when she finally did?

I knew it wouldn't be good, but never in my wildest dreams would I think that she would tell me that my GID is NOT real. Never did I think that she would tell me that these feelings come from the "help I didn't get during my parents' divorce" when I was a child...never did I think that when I told her that I had felt broken both spiritually and physically for pretty much my entire life would she tell me that this feeling was just me wanting to belong......

...and then it was capped off by, "God made you this way (eg male), so if this is what you want you'll do it alone, because it's a sin."

So now.....apparently I'm going to be forced into pretending that nothing's wrong, everything's fine....even when I know it's not.....

...so now I guess I can add a broken heart to a broken soul and body.....

.....I wish I knew what to do next....

...I'm sorry everyone. I just really need someone to talk to. Thanks for listening, if anyone did. I'm not always this melancholy, I promise....although it really feels like it lately.

hugs,

--Tina

[cynthialee]

I am so sorry you had to hear that.

[Melody Maia]

I'm sorry that happened too. She is in shock and denial. I don't know her so I can't tell if she would come around, but it would probably help her to speak to a therapist.  You too if you haven't already. Hope for the best, but be prepared to move on alone. Ignoring your feelings now will most likely just lead to them coming back, maybe even stronger, in the future.

[spacial]

MissTina.

Have to agree with melody. She's looking for reasons.

One thing that does occur to me when I hear this, is they are worried it will change your relationship. That they will lose their partner,

Perhaps you could spend some time reassuing her. It can't do any harm.

[Nicky]

Oh Tina, that is sad, I am really sorry to hear how this went.

You were so brave in telling her. That took a lot of courage. Hugs!

What do you feel should happen next? You are out now honey, no putting that back in.

[bethw]

I'm so sorry Tina. If I could hold and give you a hug I would. If I can fo anything please let me know. I've been hiding all my life so I think you were very brave to open up to her. I wish i had your courage.
Hugs
Beth

[MissTina]

Thanks everyone....

Nicky, I honestly don't know what should happen next. Basically, I guess that right now I'm still in shock, myself. I knew that confessing everything would have major fallout - I've been sneaking around reading on the SO forums too much to think that it would be even a little bit of sunshine and lollipops there - but to have everything I have felt and struggled with for so, so long now just totally denied and invalidated? That hurt me a lot, almost as much as knowing what I was telling her was hurting and confusing her.

I guess that in my ideal world, she'd be supportive and want to be there for me, but I am really afraid that she just can't do that. So now I'm scared of losing my best friend and only person I've ever loved. That's a major precipice to be standing on, and did I mention that I'm scared to death of heights?

But thanks for all the kind thoughts....it really does help a bit to know that someone out there understands.

hugs,

--Tina 

[Susan Baum]

Tina,
I am so sorry...  My heart aches with yours. 

I knew that confessing everything would have major fallout - I've been sneaking around reading on the SO forums too much to think that it would be even a little bit of sunshine and lollipops there - but to have everything I have felt and struggled with for so, so long now just totally denied and invalidated?

You – the real Tina - have come out of hiding a Truth which can neither be denied nor invalidated.  I can understand your lady's anger and vitriol – many times anger can be the first response to something unknown plus she had four days to build up steam and prepare to push your buttons as only she could. 
I was fortunate in that I brought my crossdressing out very early in my relationship with my future bride.  I had dated a number of women from whom I kept my secret until "she" came along.  Michelle changed everything for me and I knew she was the one but I still had yet to risk it all... 

I know not everyone can have a relationship like the Erocses, but many here do.  Through all our years together, Chelle was my strongest supporter, advocate and advisor – but even as supportive as she was, it still took a little while for her to get used to me.  I honestly don't think her support would have abated had I later come to a realization I did have GID. 

This is a setback but you can't stop being true to yourself.  My crystal ball is out of commission and no one can foresee where this will lead but I'm sure Tina will never again be very far away. 

Hugs
Susan

[Janet_Girl]

Tina,

I went through similar reaction when I came out to my ex.  And she knew before we married.  But she went through the whole hate/angry/betrayed stages.

We are friends now, but it is at a distance.

[cynthialee]

When I came out to my wife, ze came out to me.

lol
I am so sorry that things havent been going very well at home.
Stay your course and do what you need to do. It may cost you the relationship but.....aw hell you know all the arguments and rebutals by now already.
Just take good care of yourself please.

[Christy Edwards]

I am soo sorry too. I really dont feel there's an easy way.My wife knows and has known since before we married 13 yrs ago. But with things stronger now, she is having a hard time. I can only take a day at a time....Good luck......

[MissTina]

Thank you, everyone.....I know this conversation between us will have to be revisited eventually.....because she hasn't said anything for a week, and has acted as if it never happened. Is it possible she may have actually just mentally blocked it out? It's the oddest thing in the world. Well, except, apparently, for me and what I am and represent to her. I guess I'm just going to need more time to gather my courage again.....blerg.

hugs,

--Tina

[Cindy]

Hi Tina,

I'm sorry to hear her reaction. Although not surprised. My wife knew well before our marriage and was always supportive for Cindy to visit. Although sexually things fell apart quite quickly but our love and friendship has lasted.
As Nicole said, once the girl is out; there is no way to put her back. This is so true of all of our steps in transition. There is no way to 'untell' there is no way to come out at work and then say it was a joke.

This is the strength we need to have. You have it. You showed yourself that you have the courage. She may be in denial, but we also need to look at it from her side. If she never knew the shock must be great. I suppose how would you have felt if she had come out to you? (Well being TG it would have been fine but you know what I mean

I think you need to work on the small important points keep demonstrating that you love her and what a relationship, but that you are also TG with all that means for you.

Love and Hugs

Cindy

[annette]

Hi Tina

sorry to read that you're in this position.
I know what it's abou,t coz I was there before and it ended up in a divorce.
But, remember the only one who can say of your gid feelings are real is you and nobody else.
I understand why she is angry and maybe confused but you've got only one life and you have to make it a happy one by yourselve.
And forget about it's a sin and more of that religious things, that's a way of sayin you should stay the one who you are now, but thas it make you happy?
Would she better live together with a person who is unhappy.When you have those gid feelings, you have them, it won't
change. It's a matter of fact it will be stronger in time.
I can only say you have my sympathy and I hope that in time she will think it over and start talking again.
But remember it is not your fault you have the gid feelings, you are born with it.

love
annette

[MissTina]

Wait, wait....it gets better!!!

So I was out at the store with the wife a couple nights back, browsing the covergirl aisle trying to help her pick out a lipstain....trust me, ladies - this is completely normal. She finds her cutest outfits and best makeup when I'm along helping her pick (I know, right?!? should be a clue!!) 

So anyway, we're torn between a couple of colors, her usual preference and then a much brighter red one that she's really got no business wearing since it's well outside her palette anyhow, but that's beside the point. Eventually I made the winning argument that she just needed to pick her "usual" color since that's the one she'd be more apt to wear, and that if she bought the "new" color, she'd probably just try it once, hate the way it looks on her and then leave it untouched at the bottom of a bag or drawer somewhere and basically be out eight bucks.

Her response??? This is classic.....

"Wow, now you really sound like a woman!"

....I wanted to laugh, cry, scream, and say "I already told you that!!!!" All at the same time. 

I wish I knew just what the heck that comment meant....SO confused right now...honestly. Sometimes I feel like it would be better if I could just dry up and blow away in the wind, like a leaf....

hugs,

--Tina

[Susan Baum]

Wait, wait....it gets better!!!
- - -

We all have faith in you, Tina.  Your opening says it all - it will get better. 

I want to reach out and hold you, reassure you, support you.  I'm laughing with you, too.  Let's have a show of lips or hands of those who have more than a few "new" colors of lipstick or nail polish or perfumes which end up smelling like soap on us drying out in a drawer...  I really need to clear that stuff out!  I guess I too "really sound like a woman!" 

Remember, the Truth can neither be denied nor invalidated – but sometimes Time stands still waiting for her to be accepted for what she is.  We are here for you and always will be.   

Susan