Fretting about my sister

[Xakkun]

Let me start by saying that my sister and I are really, really close. She's very good friends with my two closest friends. In fact, I've always considered her even more of a friend than a sister. When I discovered that I liked men, she was probably the second person I told.

However, she's very outspoken about her beliefs in transgendered people. They're not very good.

She knows I cross dress, and she's berated me on that many times. She often complains about guys who "go too far out of their way to be girly" and the like. She's told me several times that I don't look the part of a girl. And, although I know it will be a negative reaction, I have no idea how negative, or if she'll ever come to terms with it or be more open-minded about it.

I have half a mind never to come out to her. After all, it's not like I'm completely MtF. I can just force out my male side when I'm near her. However, I can't help but think that this could be an opportunity to get her to change her mind about her feelings toward transgendered people. But at the same time, I don't know. I'd really, really hate to tear down our friendship for this.

I don't know if anyone has any advice to give on the situation, I just mainly wanted to rant. I have the strong feeling that I'll end up keeping this part of myself from her.

[spacial]

Just a thought.

She may be behaving this way because she knows about you cross dressing.

Seems a lot of GGs have a pretty distorted view of being female.

[erocse]

I wish I could add some advice here, but I can't. I just lost my sister for being transgender. I always thought of her as a friend too. I don't know why, but I just didn't see this coming. I though she wouldn't like it, I knew she would be concerned how this would look to her children. I just though she would love me anyway. The funny thing is , she was always a little high maintenance. I always have had to work my schedule around hers, but I did and that was OK. Now that someone outed me to her, she wont even take my calls. She wont even let me explain things to her personally. I lost my brothers for the same reason but it's my sister I will miss most.

    I hope it goes better for you.

    Hugs, Erocse

[cynthialee]

I have 2 sisters. one was close to me the other never was. When I came out to my sister that was my friend she became cold clinical and distant. She no longer treats me like family. When we talk she asks me cold formal medical questions and she seems to treat my transition like it is a science project. (she is a nurse) I can feel that I am no longer her family but she has not said so, probably due to the fact I am very well loved in the family and to turn on me would go poorly for her.

[Mrs Erocse]

I hope that if you do come out to your sister it goes well for you. Sometimes people need time.  Sometimes they need exposure and information. I know being here on Suzan's and reading so many kind and supportive post everyone writes to eachother is inspiring. Also reading the difficulties that everyone has helps me to see and understand the nature of the situation better. I also think watching movies etc...can help. We wish you the best.

[spacial]

ercose.

I know it's been said already, others. whoever they are, have no right to impose their values onto you.

From your post here, if you think about it, you were always the lapdog. I know that so well. That's exactly how I was, though in my case, the results seem to have been more negative. But, nevertheless, I still went back, over and over, believeing that things might, eventually improve.

Only when I finally walked away, did I start to look more clearly. My confidence began to imporve. For several years after, I dreamed they might call me, or write. Gradually I realised that I was begining to heal. Heal hurt I never realised I had.

I know you won't take this. Because I know the place you're in right now. But eventually it will dawn on you. You were never accepted. Familys know you better than you know yourself, often. They always knew.



Xakkun, However it turns out, stand your ground. You owe others what they owe you. If they accept you, 100% and offer total encouragement and support then they are good people.

Anything less, walk away. You're better than that.

[regan]

When I was openly on HRT, my parents were extremely negative about all aspects of my transition.  Looking back on it now, as much as I want to be angry, feel hurt, etc., the truth is, however misguided, they thought they were "saving me" through their negativity.

Just about all of us have heard at some point some variation of how we're not the gender we say we are.  We're not masculine/feminine acting, we're not interested in masculine/feminine activities, we're too short/too tall, too just about anything they can think of saying to "save" us from what they percieve as being a mistake.  Worst of all, its the people we love telling us these things, and all this comes after years of us telling ourselves the same things.

As bad as it sounds, your only other choice is to say nothing, but then that always makes family reunions interesting.  Tell her, hope for the best, and if she acts negatively, hope that she comes around when she sees how happy you are.

If I learned anything from my last experience, I'm not saying anything until it Regan and not <insert male name here> coming home for thansgiving.

[Xakkun]

Thank you all. I'm still not sure whether or not I'll tell her and it probably will be a while before I do if i do, but I definitely feel better about it. Honestly, I expect a "That's stupid" from her and not much else. Still, that's enough to make me feel sick to my stomach.

[Sly]

I can't really offer advice, but I sympathize.  I'm probably going to be losing my sister in transition as well...

[Chastance]

I don't have any good advice because i still haven't told my sister, but she might react better knowing you're not a crossdresser (lot of people think sex when they think crossdresser).