So, I need some advice on talking with my mom...

[aranikace]

 My mom isn't the best at talking about serious issues, (Unless it's politics, and then she's all on board  ) so I usually end up talking to my sister about trans topics. Somehow, my sister and mom end up talking about it, and then my sister ends up telling me what my mom said to her. So I really end up talking with mom by proxy, and everything has been pretty much positive (yay). Mom and I have only had two in depth discussions about me being trans and how I felt. She told me she loved me and that even though she didn't understand, she would support me if it meant that I was happy. But getting her to talk about trans things and tell me he opinion is like pulling teeth. I want to talk to her more, but I don't know how. We've really only had a relationship for the past 2 years, so even though she's my mom and I love her and I know she loves me, I still feel really awkward when we do get the chance to talk.
 
   Anyway, do any of you guys have any advice on how to talk to my mom about trans things and actually get some feedback? She works 12 hour shifts three days in a row every week, so if she's not working she's sleeping for her next shift. That makes our opportunities to sit down and talk few and far between, so I really want to make the most of them. I love her and want to be able to talk to her. Sorry this is all over the place. I'm usually more organized.

[Valerie]

Well, my mom is the same way with me and religion.  In 2006, we had a "blip" in our relationship, which began when she used my brother to communicate to me her disapproval.  I was totally blindsided, and didn't even have the presence of mind to write a response letter for a week after it all started. 

In the letter, among other things, I asked her if she wanted a relationship of full honesty in which she would know all of who I am, or if she only wants me to say what she wants to hear.  She never answered my letter; when we spoke again it was as if nothing had transpired, and when I asked for her thoughts she said she wasn't ready to talk about it.  It never was discussed.

Your mom might be in a similar place right now.  My suggestion would be to come right out and ask her.  Tell her you're thankful for her support, and that you'd really like an opportunity to learn her thoughts and feelings, and to share yours. Ask her when you two can get together for this.

If she stalls or flat out denies your request, just respect that space she's in, and be thankful for her love.  Best wishes,

~Valerie

[CaitJ]

Maybe organise her next holiday from work to co-incide with yours, relax  for a few days, then have a chat about it?

[aranikace]

@Valerie- I don't think my mom is using my sis to talk to me so she doesn't have to, I think it just comes down to a matter of experience. My sis was raised by my mom and I wasn't, so they're pretty used to talking about anything and everything with each other. But your suggestion is a good one, and she very well might be in a similar place. I'll surely keep that in mind the next time I try to talk to her. Thanks so much, you were really helpful! 

@Caitj- I have actually thought about planning ahead of time, so I'm glad you suggested it. She works the same three days each week, so it shouldn't be that hard to coordinate. Thanks!

Y'all are awesome!

[xAndrewx]

Just a suggestion, prepare for questions. I tell this to everyone, just in case, because my mom had a billion questions at first and was less approving when I didn't have answers. When I finally had answers she realized how serious I was and seemed a lot more comfortable with it all.

Good luck man and let us all know how it goes  

[aranikace]

@Michael Alexander- yeah... I could use some brushing up on my Trans- knowledge. I didn't think of her asking a bunch of questions.

@Jayr- I might go for letter instead of email. Mom's not too tech-savvy and NEVER checks her email. lol That might be better since we're both kind of emotional and cry at nearly the drop of  hat. haha

Thanks a lot  guys! you really have no idea how much I appreciate the feedback.

[aranikace]

yeah, letters and emails have been pretty good to me when I came out to a few friends a while back.
Judging on her past reactions when we've talked before, I'm pretty sure she will. My mom is way cool for her age.