My poor partner...

[MaxAloysius]

So I've never had too big a problem with disphoria; I've never contemplated hurting myself because of my body, and unlike some I can handle showers alright, and still feel happy to wear eye-liner. I can't go a single day without wearing my binder, and I'd rather gouge out my own eye than wear a dress or skirt, but that's about the full exstent of it.

So it was really strange for me to realise a few days ago that I hate, absolutely HATE calling my boyfriend 'my boyfriend' in public, or to friends or relos, and the reason is as simple as I don't then want to be 'his girlfriend.' I don't like the thought of those people describing me as such, and it's to an almost extreme level! I just don't get it?!

I feel bad, because everyone knows we are together, but I can't publicly acknowledge it. I saw him make a hurt and confused face the other day when I shrugged off a question and changed the subject, rather than just answering that he was my boyfriend. A couple of times I've sucked it up and said it for his sake, but it kills me completely!

Any ideas or suggestions for a fix? This is so damn weird, and I feel stupid and mean... 

[Cindy]

My partner, soul mate and closest friend, and I love him so much.

Simple really IMO

Cindy

[Alessandro]

I know exactly how you feel. Being someones girlfriend freaked me out too. We just use the genderless  term 'partner' to describe each other now

[SnailPace]

It sounds like you guys haven't been together all that long yet, so words like "partner" and "lover" might be a little over-the-top for right now.

But if people ask, you can always say something like, "Yeah, we're into eachother" or "We're boyfriends!"  The latter may be shrugged off as poor wording to people that don't know you're trans, but it will make you feel better!

[Aegir]

Gay guys have boyfriends too

[Sean]

Yeah, it sounds like your problem is with being seen as a girlfriend, and you've somehow transferred that onto the word boyfriend, even though - as noted already above - gay men have boyfriends all the time.

Other terms to describe him: significant other (SO), partner, "special" friend (hehe).
Terms to describe the relationship (pick whatever fits): we're in a relationship, together, dating, seeing each other, exclusive, hanging out
Lots of guys use weasel words to avoid the boyfriend/girlfriend label altogether, so he's probably aware of the choice of 'seeing each other' being less than 'boyfriend'

Key here is that you're hurting your boyfriend, because he thinks you are somehow ashamed or unwilling to have him as your boyfriend. Are you out to him? Can you explain the issue? And if not, then I think you need to do your best when people to answer about how happy you are to be together without using the magical word that bothers you. Changing the subject or not answering is a problem.

[MaxAloysius]

Thanks for your replies everyone, you've all been a big help

[Lee]

I'm glad you brought this up.  I have an extremely hard time keeping a relationship because it bothers me so much to be a "girlfriend."