Memories Are Made Of This

[gail123]

An earlier post concerning the accuracy not to mention the veracity of memories got me to thinking.

I'm not a big believer in the accuracy of an individuals memory bank especially for those such as myself myself with some basic personality disconnects.
In my own case many of my "memories" are if not outright fabrications, certainly exaggerations, in some cases for dramatic effect, depending on the situation, status enhancers, and where TG issues are involved one of the means used to justify a desired end. I've exaggerated past incidents, raising them to matters of extreme importance to justify beginning transitioning.
I've made up stories to therapists to further solidify my claim of a disconnect between my "body" and the "real me".  The strange thing, at least to me, is I do fully believe in the reality of this disconnect. It's just when in my more objective state I look at my past life the conclusive proof of this disconnect evaporates, leaving me with just an overwhelming sense of loneliness.
This objectivity doesn't last long. It seems I prefer wearing a mask even in my private life.
Perhaps symbolically as a form of "make up".

Back to memories I don't think they are totally misplaced or without value, but they seem, at least to me, slippery and not to be wholly trusted. They are snake like in their ability to wrap themselves around their prey, holding them firmly in their grasp.

 

[E]

Memory is certainly faulty. I've experienced having memories disproven, myself. When it comes to trans issues, my memory is doubly suspect, because I have an agenda. But does it really matter, in that context? If I care enough about transition to subconsciously lie to myself, isn't that just as strong an argument for transition as remembering actual incidents?

[spacial]

Memory may well be impercise. It is certain that each of us remembers from our own perspective, our physical as well as mental perspective.

But the importance of individual memories is they are how we each see ourselves, our own histories and experiences. How we each seek to rationalise our present positions with the journey which brought us here.

In that respect, I suggest, it isn't important how literally accurate our memories are. What matters is they form our current perspective.

It is counter productive for any of us to seek to judge the veracity or recall of others. Once we start that, the trust we develop begins to disintegrate and this place will lose its significance.

On the other hand, it is also argueable that each of us was actually created about 7.5 minutes ago. We were all created with an entire set of memory engrams, (startrek reference I think). Prior to 7.5 minutes ago, nothing existed.

[tekla]

The fact is that two people can remember the same event differently and both still be right.  See: special theory of relativity.

[gail123]

I entirely agree the overall accuracy of memories is of less importance than the desire for something (in my case transitioning). I also believe the creativity aspect of memory is important, as the urge to create a "new  person" is perhaps a more accurate gauge of reality than verifiable memories.  Massaging or creating a lifetime of memories in support of need is proof enough for me.
But there's a fine line between creating, massaging and lying that it seems prudent to keep the amorphous nature of memory in mind.

[tekla]

But there's a fine line between creating, massaging and lying

Oh I don't know, at least for me it's a pretty big bright line when I'm saying something I know to be true and when I'm saying something I know to be false.  As to what's included and what's omitted - that's the fine line.

[spacial]

But there's a fine line between creating, massaging and lying that it seems prudent to keep the amorphous nature of memory in mind.

Yes, that is true.

But a lie is, generally, only known to the person telling it. Moreover, on a site like this, it is only the person telling it who can be affected.

But the problem is that we cannot know, usually. On a place like Susans' we need to take everyone on face value. The moderators can check that I live in the UK for example. But apart from that, I could be anyone. I could even be a team of people conspiring to bring down western civilisation through encouraging as many as possible by deminishing the available pool of potential recruits for the armed forces.

We just need to take everyone on trust.

Since all advice given is open to everyone, someone who does give dodgy advice, for whatever nefarious reason they may have, is likely to be caught out pretty quickly.

Which ever way you look at it, taking everyone on face value makes a lot more sense than worrying that someone might be more than they seem.

[V M]

The situation at hand is also an important factor... ie:

If someone is a witness to a crime and is being questioned in a court of law, it is best that they remember accurately what happened

If someone is interacting on a SUPPORT SITE with a FRIENDLY ATMOSPHERE and someone begins nit picking and picking them apart like they think they are a prosecutor...

Then who do you think has a problem?

[Darner]

Memory really is the least reliable source of information that exist. I have analytical proof - I'm writing a diary since I was 9 and it shocks me every time I read it. So many things I found important or end-of-the-world-like I don't even remember now and also so many revelations, signs about my identities I fully realized only later ... And if you really want to forget some things/replace them with another (more happy?) memory, it will probably happen and then it will take really long to restore the truth.

[28BROOK]

I've had the SO ask me if I remember this and that about our children and I have no memory of those events.  It is sort of scary, however, I have come to realize at the time I was suffering from a form of sleep apnea.  You can lose the ability to dream and evidently lose memories when dealing with sleep apnea.  Dreams themselves are sometimes rechargers for our memories, I believe which can challenge the authenticity of some memories. 

I try not to stretch my memories to glorify them at my age, I've had instances where I could remember things as far back as perhaps the age of two but not what I did two minutes ago.

Brook

[spacial]

Another example occured to me last night.

On another thread, someone is asking about memories of cross dressing as children. I offered a (albeit irrelevant) contribution where I dismissed any sexual motives.

Some other posters suggested they recall elements of sexual motive..

Last night I was thinking of a conversation I had in my late 20s about the same issue. I said then, that quite definately, I had some sexual thoughts and motives when, as a small child, I wanted to be a girl. To be quite honest, while I now remmber saying that, I have no memory of the feelings I was recalling at the time.

I spent some time trying to understand this. The only explaination I can come up with is that, as I've gotten older, the natural protective instincts which every human has toward children have gradually extended. For example, the value I place upon my own life compared to the life of children is now considerably less. I think this is a natural human instinct. The next generation must survive. We must pass the torch (so to speak), on.

So, I've forgotten about those childhood feelings. I even denied them. And in denying them, many things which happened as a consequence of those, lose context. So, many recollections will be distorted.

Just a few random thoughts on this matter which some might find as intersting as I do.

[ativan]

Memories will usually remain intact and truthful if they are never told to others. It's the retelling that distorts them. Replaying a memory, as in a story, it will always change one way or another. This keeps the memory from being so boring from retelling, that you have no desire to even retell it. Which could make it fairly useless as a story or memory. And you a boring story teller.
Tall Tales have their start in some sort of truth. A good story usually has very little truth to it.
Replaying memories over and over in your mind is no different than telling it to  someone, except that you are the someone. When it gets good enough, you'll start telling it to others and the process continues.
A little creativity keeps the memory alive and gets the point across.

On the other hand, a memory can be so horrifying or bad that you can't replay it at all. Never told or refusal to even think about and chances are it will be deleted from the rest. Sometimes a little ECT can help this along. PTSD is like something hitting the undelete button, so to speak. Even then, the memory can be altered to fit the trigger that caused it.

Memories are nothing more than guidelines of events past. How you use those guidelines can make you or break you.

At least as far as I remember that... 

[spacial]

Memories will usually remain intact and truthful if they are never told to others. It's the retelling that distorts them.

Another factor occurs. Many of the recollections I've related, here for example, I've only related those parts which are both comfortable and relevant.

Leaving out bits, does tend to distort the overall impression.