Shouldn't i be happy?

[Al James]

two days ago i got a copy of the letter that my gender clinic sent to my doctors, requesting that they do full blood works and a physical exam on me ready for my next appointment in January. Also they request that after ive signed the necessary paperwork that my gp will prescribe and administer masculinising hormone therapy. So i was really happy but a bit shell shocked the day i got the letter. Now i just seem to be sinking lower and lower and i dont know why. I know ive got problems with my car that are really playing on my mind cos its a repair bill i dont need just before christmas but why arent i bouncing? I wonder if its cos i darent get my hopes up in case they find something in the exam that will prevent me getting hormones. or that ive mis read the letter and just cos theyre doing bloods doesnt mean i ll get hormones in January. I know i'm doing my wifes head in cos she doesn't know how to cope with me at the minute but i'm getting to the stage where i don't know how to cope with me. Ive got a permanent headache random nose bleeds and really feeling sorry for myself. Sorry for waffling and being depressing but needed to get it out my system.

[xAndrewx]

Al, I'm sorry to hear about the sucky things going on That's great that you got your letter though.

I, like you, just got my letter and have an appointment set up to get hormones in January and haven't felt that happy feeling. I did as soon as I opened it but when I called and found out the Docs first appointment wasn't until January it faded quickly. Then like you I started stressing. I'm paying on my own with no insurance. So if I need more than one appointment it has to wait until someone hires me or until I get my loans in February which would suck! Plus between school stress and trying to earn chore money because I didn't get loans this time around it really killed any left over happiness.

I wish I could help but at least you know you aren't the only one feeling this way? I hope January comes fast for both of us. Congrats man you're close to it!

[Amazon D]

Because after you get what you want

your lost wondering what do you want next..

Same thing will happen after you get T and surgery etc etc

we probably won't ever be truly happy until we surrender all our wants and learn to accept what we get

[Alessandro]

we probably won't ever be truly happy until we surrender all our wants and learn to accept what we get

Never a wiser word said. 

[Squirrel698]

I'm T and living life with everyone I know addressing me with a male name and starting to be accepted as such.  If I was any happier it would be illegal I swear.  Of course I have my problems like everyone else but being seen for who I am and how I want to be seen is such a fantastic feeling that I could dance in the rain all night long. 

I have no grand expectations for the future.  I just have faith it will all somehow come to pass with the name change, gender marker change, chest surgery, bottom surgery, true gender change ...  I just live life from day to day and let it all wash over me and it's wonderful.  It's best to work towards what you want and allow it all to happen in it's own time.

You will get there.  It's just a bit anti-climatic right now.  It is possible that a part of you doesn't quite believe it to be real either.  Just be patient with yourself and don't demand emotions.  Just keep going steadily towards your goal and one day you will wake up right in the middle of it.