I'm thinking about what I want out of transition, and thought I'd make a list:
- Chemical castration. The idea of becoming a father is repugnant to me. I want to be a mother, but being a father is 180 degrees removed from that. The ability to father a child is worse than the inability to give birth to one.
- Removal of genitals. They hurt, get in the way, and are generally uncomfortable. Getting rid of them I'd want to even without proper SRS.
- SRS. Yes, on top of the above. This is a point by itself. I want to be able to have sex, and with my current equipment the experience is just traumatic and unnatural. Not to mention that without a vagina, I feel incomplete.
- Breast growth. Preferably to a decently large size, like a C-cup. Once again, without them I feel incomplete. My brain pretty much interprets their abscence as injury. I also want others to see that I have breasts, and I want the reaction they get.
- No male-pattern balding. My current hair style - long - is a result of me rebelling against male pattern balding. I have none yet, but I was determined to "make up for" the expected hair loss in the future by having a lot of it now.
- Loss of body hair. The stuff is icky and disgusting, and I can't stand it, but shaving it off has little use since it's back next day.
- No more beard growth. I don't have a lot, but again - it grows out so fast, and is so disgusting. I can't understand why anyone would ever grow it out.
- Softer skin. I can see no downside to softer skin, really - it becomes more pleasant to the touch, both for me and others, and arguably better looking.
- Less oily skin and hair. The stuff gets dirty so fast, I pretty much either have to shower every day or live with the filth.
- Greater intensity of emotions. At the moment, my emotional state is mostly "neutral", and that bothers me.
- Better sense of smell. Honestly, why wouldn't I want to improve one of my senses?
- Strength loss. Yes, this is a positive - I've always been deeply uncomfortable with being physically stronger than most women, despite trying not to, so losing that will be only for the best.
- Voice training. My current voice sounds like a truck of gravel tumbling down a quarry-side inside my own head, and I can't stand it. Also - I want to be able to sing. Properly. Not like guys do.
- Loss of depression. Seriously, I'd like that thing gone from my brain now, ok? It's no longer welcome. Never really was, and has only gotten less so.
- Fat redistribution. Because nothing is uglier than a paunch, and though I don't really have one, I'm too close for comfort.
- Hip growth. I want my hip bones to grow. Not a lot, but at least a little bit. I also want my shoulders and rib cage to shrink, but... tough luck.
- Longer spine. I want the area below my ribs and above my pelvis to be longer. Not much, again, but a bit.
- Bigger eyes. No idea if this can happen, but I want bigger eyes.
- Erogenous zones. I pretty much only have one, apart from the Horror From Beyond Time And Space, and I'd like more.
- Trachea shave. My Adam's apple is this pathetic little, jutting spike, about the size and shape of a liquorice boat. It just looks stupid, and I want it gone.
- Loss of dysphoria. 'Cause that stuff is what makes my days hard, not the depression.
- Confidence in my own body. Because I want to be able to show off my torso, or legs, without cringing, and I want to be able to go outside without a thick coat and black, baggy shirt without feeling like an abomination.
The rest - being accepted and treated like a woman, access to women's clothes and stuff instead of the boring men's stuff, etc. - are all social. The above are the medical things.
Dear experienced ladies (and occasional curious gentleman) who are familiar with the effects of HRT: Which are realistic, and which are pie-in-the-sky (likely to begin HRT at 23)?
And what do/did you want out of transition?
