Transition now or later?

[Cody Jensen]

I'm confused. I just want to be a boy... but, something is stopping me from coming out and transitioning, I'm not sure what though. I am worried I may not be able to afford transition. I am worried that my family will stop loving me. I am worried for so many things, yet I want to be a boy more than anything in the world right now. I sort of have a plan: If this is really what I want, I will get a therapist as soon as I can and get on T after I finish this program I'm in (it's sort of a job because I get paid to do it but it's only going on for 3 months (until the end of March). I figured around March then I can start to transition and by the end of summer (in September) I can start college again when I pass as a boy and have finished transition. I'm not sure if it's a good plan or what. My head and my heart are telling me so many different things right now. I'm terrified to go out and buy guy's clothes or start wearing a binder for fear of being caught. My original plan was to wait for a few years and then transition...but I am starting to be unable to live with myself. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I wish it were all just a nightmare and I'll wake up any second now. This is a bad day...

[Squirrel698]

I'm sorry to hear that you are having a bad day.  I just want to point out that T will not 'make you a boy'.  You could be a boy, between boy and girl, a masculine girl or any other sort of gender identity.  You need to figure out, hopefully with a therapist assistance just where you fall on the gender spectrum.

As is said quite often in this forum, hormones should always be the last resort.  The changes are to permanent and the health risks are to high to just to try it out.  Really think it through and realize the results to T might be nothing like you think they should be.

Best of luck 

[aranikace]

Hey man, sorry to see you're having a bad day, but keep your head up. We are all confused at first and most of us are hesitant to begin the process, and with good reason. It's something that you should really take your time in considering because like Squirrel said, the changes are permanent. Helping you figure things out is what a therapist is there for, so that's the place to start even if you're not completely sure that you want to transition. They can help you work through it and help you decide what's best for you.

I personally have been seriously considering transition for nearly 2 years, and for a long while, I felt something holding me back as well. I had to do a lot of soul searching and praying to get to a point where I felt like it was okay to transition. It takes time.

Just take it one day at a time, and hang in there.

As for the buying guys clothes, start small: a t-shirt here, jeans there. Before you know it, you'll be cleaning out the men's department with no fear Good luck

[Cody Jensen]

Thanks for cheering me up dudes. Squirrel, yeah, the changes are permanent. I'm pretty sure that is part of the reason why I'm holding back. Sometimes I wish I had someone in person to talk to. Like a girlfriend or something. About the guy's clothes: I realize I'm really depressed about that. I'm going to a Christmas party in a week or so and it's a masquarade. Three months ago I would be so excited to go in that oh so fancy and cute blue winter dress I bought. Now I hate it. Now I just want to go in a cool guy's suit and I am dreading that party.  Oh well. It's Christmas. I may as well just grit my teeth and get it over with (the party I mean).