I don't have gender dysphoria but id rather be a girl?! HELP

[Katelyn]

Wow, for someone that never knows for sure what I am, I seem far different than Confusedguy55.   

- I don't hate my body, but I already have some breasts and would like them bigger, and I REALLY WANT a vagina, and I certainly want a far more feminine bodyshape. 
- I SSSOOOO love and miss the "feminine world" of clothing, hair, makeup, scents, looking pretty, beautiful, and lovely, etc...
- I have this feeling deep inside that I want to be a woman and identify with other women.

Experiences like confusedguy help me better understand my own gender issues.

[Confusedguy55]

Katelyn, you are clearly trans, no gay men would REALLY WANT a vagina hehe so you shouldnt be confused

I want to speak to a gender therapist soon so he can help me whethe i am trans or not so i can just forget it hopefully and not worry about it anymore :|

[Dawn Heart]

Well to be honest i wish i was BORN a girl so that i would be used to having a vagina, could get pregnant (ahh my big dream haha) and be just happy! but as i was born a male and i accept my penis as it is it's obviously different and difficult.
hmm who could i be? Well is the society was normal and accepting to absolutely any self expression then i would leave my male body but would have feminine long hair, wear makeup and dresses but I would also want to be seen as a girl by males... But then i'm thinking i cant be seen as a girl by a guy if i will have this penis" lol yeah im the real deal and confused 100%.
Well sometimes i feel like i can be happy being a feminine gay guy and there are days where i do find gay sex attractive BUT sometimes when i imagine having sex with a guy and realize that im also a guy the attraction is not as strong...  because for some reason i think of gay guys as not being the "real men" ;/

Part of this applies to me. "Well to be honest i wish i was BORN a girl so that i would be used to having a vagina, could get pregnant (ahh my big dream haha) and be just happy!" I remember praying for God to let me become a female so I could finally feel more like myself. I started noticing guys and girls early on, and always wanted to hang with the girls. Very rarely did I have any desire to be with or near guys, because...get ready for it....I was attracted to them and simultaneously repulsed by my feelings. I even impersonated females early on. People thought it was always just a stage, but I always knew better. I was never a "manly man" and always repulsed by the whole alpha type while also strongly feeling my fem side all the time. As I got older, I realized how much I liked the gay guys and the lesbian women more than the straight guys. Know what's weird? I always felt just fine around the straight women, but not the straight guys.     

[niamh]

This has probably been already said but you can't be happy being a gay boy but not want to be with other boys as a boy but then yet want to be a girl.

You either are or aren't what you are. You have to know it inside yourself. Saying 'I want to be a girl' while at the same time saying 'I am a gay boy who likes make-up' and thinking you should be a girl but saying you are not gender dysphoric is just crazy.

There is likely nothing wrong with you are you're just stressing over nothing. Take a chill pill, go for a long walk on a beach and find out what you are by listening to yourself. You can be a gay boy who likes make-up and other girly things. But I have never heard of a gay boy who doesn't like other boys..... 

We can't tell you want to you or help you decide but what I can say is that if you say 'I want to be a girl' then well you aren't. Trans women are women regardless of how they present to the outside world. A trans woman says 'I want to be preceived as a woman by others because I am a woman' not 'I want to be a woman'.

[Confusedguy55]

Niamh its not like that. I dont mind men calling me "he" i just dislike when they say stuff like "sup dude" etc But when a guy says hey beautiful or you're such a cute boy then it makes me happy
as for boys... I loove men <3 And when thinking about sex im 100% happy with being a boy, and letting the other guy touch my male genitalia, its great!
Over the past few weeks i have been better... But sometimes i get this thoughts... would it be better if i transitioned? The answer is probobably no because I wouldnt be happy with vagina, and if i kept my male genitalia it wouldnt be working as it should which would be a nightmare
But i do want to look pretty I have days in which i want to look more masculine and in others completely feminine and when those days happen i freak out a little.

So i think I am trangender to some degree... but Im not transexual, so basically just a feminine boy. I noticed that once i came out and started being honest to myself I no longer have the urge to dream of becoming a female, althought it does happen ocassionally whe i see a straight guy and know i cant ever have him, but you dont get a sex change to be with someone so its a different thing
I guess im slowly starting to realize who i am (i think) I will try to become a more feminine boy in apperance, find a partner and see how it goes, if i will be happy then great if not then we'll see!

[suzifrommd]

CG55,

I don't know if this will help because I don't have any advice other than see a counselor which is what just about everyone else has said.

But in case it helps, I'll talk about myself. I don't have any desire to get rid of my male organs. I'd rather have been born a female, but given where I am now, I don't want to give up what they let me do. I don't feel like I'm a female (but I'd like to be one) and spend a lot of time wondering what it would feel like to dress pretty and be seen by the world as a woman. I am thinking about whether transition is right for me, but I think that I will not ever have SRS (true of a lot of MtF transsexuals, though I'm not sure that's exactly what I am).

You may be confused, but you're not alone. I'm confused too. Keep posting.

[Confusedguy55]

Almost the same ... I'm not a transexual but I'm going to change my body...
You want to be a ->-bleeped-<- 

i dont want to be a ->-bleeped-<-... just a more feminine boy. I dont think i need breats to be happy or anything like that. I thik i may try dressing up from tiem to time as a girl but thats it... Theres also too many good things about being a guy that i dont want to give up hehe
and also when older (over 40) i dont think its that important what gender id be and i could happily be a man.

Well if i was to choose i would still choose to be born with a penis but i would want society to be completely different

[rosiolso]

Hi confusedguy have you ever considered that you may be genderqueer? It certainly sounds like it to me. I'm the mum of a genderqueer teen and we have done lots of research on it. Gender is indeed a spectrum but the choices are not just limited to gender normative and trans. Look into it. Hope this helps.

[Cassandra Hyacinth]

i dont want to be a ->-bleeped-<-... just a more feminine boy. I dont think i need breats to be happy or anything like that. I thik i may try dressing up from tiem to time as a girl but thats it... Theres also too many good things about being a guy that i dont want to give up hehe
and also when older (over 40) i dont think its that important what gender id be and i could happily be a man.

Well if i was to choose i would still choose to be born with a penis but i would want society to be completely different

So effectively, you're unhappy with the gender expectations of being a man, though (by the sounds of it) don't consider yourself fully to be anything else.

That's fair enough, all things considered. But there's no reason you can't, say, do feminine things while still living as a guy. Frankly, I'm distrustful of any man who isn't critical of masculinity...

But yeah, from what you say here, it definitely doesn't sound like transition will help you. It's really only something you should undergo as an absolute last resort.

[FionaG]

Confusedguy,

It seems to me that you're taking too broad of an approach to this. "Am I trans?" is a very vague statement. Even starting this conversation pretty much puts you in the trans category, to me.

Try smaller questions:

• Do you like having facial hair?
• Have you tried shaving your legs?
• How do you feel about having breasts?
• Have you tried tucking?
• Do you want your gender presentation to be static or dynamic?
• Boy, girl, either, neither, both?

Take a break from the top-down approach and try the bottom up one. Even if it doesn't get you the answer you're looking for, it could be a refreshing change of pace.

[mandonlym]

Late to this discussion but just want to say that I, like confusedguy, happily identified as a gay man and never really had any desire to change biologically but was always super-girly, mistaken for a woman, etc. What started me off on transition was deciding to spend time as a woman out in the world, and realizing that I preferred that. It was only after HRT that I started feeling like I wanted to have bottom surgery.

So as people have said, I would suggest spending time as a woman out in the world. That can clarify whether you like it or not.

[Julia-Madrid]

For me, I found that being gay was a type of halfway house to getting what I needed, but it's no longer where I want to be.  Where I live, being gay is pretty much normal, but being trans takes more guts and is a kind-of weird for many people.    From my early 20s I have been attraced to men and also wanted to be a girl, but was just too scared to do it.  Once I was divorced from my wife I was able to properly deal with the attraction to men.  It was when I had boyfriend #3 that I realised that I couldn't pretend that gay was my stopping point. I WANT to be a woman, and hope to be with a decent man at some point who sees me that way.   Also, since I am now in my early 40s I have a much more robust sense of who I am, so I do not have to deal with the crushing need for social acceptance we have when we're young, which makes transitioning much easier.  Anyhow, my friends are not terribly surprised.  But sometimes the voyage of discovery takes time...

[Jess42]

I don't have gender dysphoria either. I would much rather have and innie than an outie though. You can do all the femme things, I have long curly hair, wear two earrings , no facial hair, shave legs and underarms and have a hairless chest, and due to nature two itty bitty ones. I don't mind my outie and use it as it should be intended with women and I am bi but sexually bottom with guys. I am even mostly passable if I do dress up and go out, away from where I live though. I can be either/or or both at the same time. But the key is that if you see yourself as a man in old age, you may not want to go the transition route. I don't really plan on reaching too old of an age but of course I've said that since I was 21. But seriously, see a gender therapist to work through these questions, but in the meantime like someone else mentioned feminize a little, shave, grow your hair, peirce your ears, pluck your eyebrows, wear makeup, dress more femme or androgenous and see if that feels comfortable or normal and take it from there.