Have you ever feared that you weren't "trans enough"?

[K8]

You may be FTA but maybe not.  I thought I was genderqueer or MTA, but once I started living as a woman I realized that I am one despite the anatomy I was born with.  I have some masculine (butch) aspects, but many women do. 

For some reason, there are lots of non-trans straight men around here who are not traditionally masculine.  (They are sensitive and can show emotion, etc.)  I wonder whether being either male or female and man or woman is only loosely related to being masculine or feminine.  I am a slightly masculine woman who was born male.  No wonder this is confusing.

- Kate

[Miniar]

I voted yes as well.

I have had moments of doubt.
I am afraid of needles, and I'm in enough pain from day to day to be extremely hesitant to seek out more pain in form of surgery.
I also have other problems such as dysthymia (long-term depression problem) and near-crippling social anxiety (which has only gotten worse with age).

I didn't want bottom surgery. I'm still hesitant to pursue that part to be honest.
I fear the pain and recovery.
I am afraid of the sharp metal objects.
But I'm also very afraid of any loss to sexual function.
I like sex. I Really like sex... I RRREEEAAALLLYYY... like sex.
If the orgasms would suffer or disappear, then I am afraid I might regret it.
The important parts have been referred to in masculine terms too, for the longest time, and with T it's gotten enough growth to make me feel more secure with the parts I have.
And all this means I don't feel the need for it.

And that means I've wondered why I can't just live with the rest of the body.
Why do I feel a need to fix my chest?
Why do I feel a need to have the internal bits removed?
Why do I feel a need to change my name?
Why do I feel a need to take testosterone?
Why do I feel a need to see a guy in the mirror and to be seen as a guy by my closest?
Why do I feel a need for this, and not bottom surgery?

And then there's the fact that I'm married to another man.
It would be simpler to be a woman in a straight relationship, even if you're not straight, than it is to be a trans-man in a gay relationship.
I also play many of the traditionally viewed as feminine in my relationship.
I'm the cook, the cleaner, the caretaker, etc. and I also take that (traditionally viewed as such) role in bed.
Why can't I just be her?
Yes, I do a lot of bloke stuff too and play some of the traditionally viewed as masculine roles (maintenance guy, BBQ operator, etc).
Why can't I just be a masculine woman and be happy that way?

I like my hair long. I like my long legs. I like the way my back curves. I like being a bit feminine in appearance. I like doing certain feminine things. I like being me.

I don't know, maybe it's less about being trans enough, and more about being man enough to be allowed somehow.
A sad side-effect of the simple truth that what it is to be a man is kinda rigidly defined in a lot of media in most of the western world today.

[Aikotribs]

I'm voting No, being a textbook example going from tomboy to really REALLY butch lesbian and only rarely tried to be a women, and fail at it. Hating it all and having body issues since I can remember. Not fitting with any women, not identyfieing with them at all. They end up hating me if they can't change me, and that has happened a few times cuz I don't understand them.

However I'm not the stereotype guy either, I draw,write and game, I'm not really much into sports and I don't have to many friends. I'm not loud or really active, more like a sensitive chill dude.

I have had doubts but those where more of idle hopes of NOT being trans, that I was just not a girly girl, but elas, this female looking warp is killing me. I don't care for bottom surgery but all the rest ... the sooner the better.

[Maddie Secutura]

I used to.  I thought I had to be a little princess to be properly trans.  I'd  hear the textbook cases that said, "I wanted to play with dolls in stead of trucks.  I never liked sports and abhorred the changes wrought by puberty."

I liked sports, played with remote control cars.  Heck I didn't think I was different from other boys, I thought they were like me, secretly hating being male.  They didn't talk about it and so neither did I.  So when the guys started growing facial hair and getting deep voices, I felt the competitive urge to keep up.  Of course it wasn't til later I realized men actually liked being men.

[jmaxley]

I've thought about it some more and I know I'm trans.  But I do wonder if I'm man enough.  I don't feel like a woman, but don't feel like a man either.  I can feel feminine or masculine, but it's not quite the same thing.  I hate having a female body though and I love getting called sir.  If it was more socially acceptable for guys to show an effeminate side, I probably wouldn't question as much.  I mean, I know women way more masculine than I am, but they're happy being women.  I'm not happy with it.  Gender-wise, I just feel stuck in the middle.  Body-wise, I'd love an androgynous male body (and not the mountain-man body I'd probably end up with!)

[ChrissyRyan]

Well it is a bunch of baloney when some try to pigeonhole you as better or more credible transgender person, that is elitism and very wrong, full stop.  Transgender enough?  Ughhh!

I have wondered in the past if I was transgender but I did get clarity on that.  Yes, I went to a gender therapist to help me think out some things.   I am transgender. 

I am unique.  I am me.  I am a woman. 


Chrissy

[NatalieRene]

Before I came out I asked myself what I was. I didn't know because I had no word for it.

I just knew that since I was a kid in first grade I dreamt every night of getting a female body.

I never questioned if I was trans or not once I understood what it was and knew there was a process. I was only scared of the social consequences. Then I concluded what consequences? I lose a job my car and my town house. Big whoop. I end up back at my parents home or pop a bottle of sleeping pills and down a bottle of wine and hope not to wake up. There wasn't much to stop me so what was there to lose.

So I got my appointment with my therapist set and after a brief hesitation at the door proceeded at light speed.

[Jessica_Rose]

Being transgender is like being pregnant. You can't be just a little bit pregnant. Either you are, or you aren't. What you decide to do with that knowledge is completely up to you.

Love always -- Jess

[ChrissyRyan]

Being transgender is like being pregnant. You can't be just a little bit pregnant. Either you are, or you aren't. What you decide to do with that knowledge is completely up to you.

Love always -- Jess

That is true.  Plus you cannot make a baby in one month by making nine women pregnant.

Sometimes people get hung up on labels.  But there are other issues too. 

[big kim]

No but I  been told many times  I'm not  trans enough! I don't wear dresses  skirts makeup won't  colour  my hair and like punk rock  and  metal, muscle  cars, Triumphs  and Harley Davidsons and dress like a birdwatcher.  

[Sarah B]

Hi Everyone

Natalie you said:

So I got my appointment with my therapist set and after a brief hesitation at the door proceeded at light speed.

ROTFLMAO.  Just recently I have mentioned in some of my posts that I was like a "speeding bullet train".

In response to the question, 'Have you ever feared that you weren't "trans enough"?'  No, I have not and here is why.  I'm not transgender and never will be.

I'm not transgender because it is a label and not a medical term .  Even so called experts disagree on the use and meaning of the word 'transgender'.  I understand that terms like gender incongruence and gender dysphoria are medical classifications.  Whether or not they apply to me is irrelevant.

While I respect those who find meaning in the transgender label, it is not one I have ever embraced.  I have always been female and that is simply who I am.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@NatalieRene

[Lilis]

No, I haven't experienced this, but I'm familiar with the term and have heard others mention it, say they've been told about it, or say that it doesn't apply to them. I always find myself somewhere on the gender spectrum. Interesting poll, so far, it's 49% yes.

[Karen_A]

My question was somewhat different...

It was "wanting" vs "being" female.

The difference would be exemplified by  child saying they ARE female with total conviction (despite physicality) vs knowing they aren't and wanting to be female.

I saw it as the difference between something more "basic" than being attracted to or being more emotionally compatible with the societal role assigned to females, some (much?) of which is not innate to being female. It was about the physical as well one's relationship with the world.

As a child I definitely knew I was not female, but I wanted to be, though I could not tell you why and it was not something that was front and center all the time.

My physicality from relatively early on, was so far from females norms. Behaviorally while not "macho", I was not obviously naturally feminine ... all that made worry about if I was making mistake despite what I wanted.

- Karen

[ChrissyRyan]

I have indeed feared that I wasn't "trans enough" to be accepted as such by the trans community, as I have seen lots of people being accused if it. I've had other trans guys subtly accuse me of being a "poseur" because I do not fit the stereotype of what a man/transman should be. I stopped hanging around that forum. Thinking that because I was so unlike most other transguys made me seriously question if I was trans at all.
Then I realized, "Eff what they say. I might not fit the model, but at least I'm sure of it."

We do not have to fit any model for any label.  I suppose to get HRT or surgeries we may need to meet specified criteria; but, other than that we do not need to fit some group's or person's image of what we should be, or for them to judge that we have not progressed as far as we should have, or otherwise for them to devalue us.

[ChrissyRyan]

Try to free your mind of having to fit labels.

Do I consider myself to be transgender?  Yes.  But not to fit a specific label to comfort me or to please someone else. 

I wish I was more CIS but that is binary, you are or you are not.  So that example should prove you cannot be "more transgender."  You are or you are not.

Your transgender transition journey will vary somehow from those of others.  But that is okay.  Who is keeping score?

Enjoy your journey.

Chrissy

[NatalieRene]

No but I  been told many times  I'm not  trans enough! I don't wear dresses  skirts makeup won't  colour  my hair and like punk rock  and  metal, muscle  cars, Triumphs  and Harley Davidsons and dress like a birdwatcher. 

I don't wear dresses and skirts every day.

Only you know you. Anyone that says you cannot be trans because your not trans enough clearly has no clue what they are talking about.

[ChrissyRyan]

I don't wear dresses and skirts every day.

Only you know you. Anyone that says you cannot be trans because your not trans enough clearly has no clue what they are talking about.

Kim,

I do not wear a skirt, skort, or dress each day either.

Plus I have not been blessed with a curvy figure or look as pretty as a number of other women here.  I am just average.  That is okay though. 

Enjoy your womanhood, enjoy your life, make each day a good one.

Chrissy