Telling people.......

[Turtle]

I sent out some letters at the weekend to various people - my parents, my in-laws, my ex-husband. I told them I was finally transitioning,  that I'm changing my name legally in 2 weeks, and start hormones in February. They received the letters today. It's been an interesting evening. My in-laws have said they're behind me 100%. My ex-husband, with whom my 13 yr old daughter lives, got back to me immediately, saying he can see what a difficult time this must be, and he'll talk it over with our daughter (she has known for a while).

My parents, the people who matter the most, have said it's scary, that they have issues, and will write back in time. I told them my plans a few months ago, and my Dad said he didn't want to talk about it til it was actually happening. Now it's happening, he still doesn't want to talk about it. My Mum is burying her head in the sand and seems to think it's all a phase which'll pass. I'm nearly 40, so why does my parents' opinion matter so much? It's not like I want them to go out and wave pom-poms for me, just say "We support whatever you choose to do". Anyone got any positive experiences to cheer me up?

[sej]

When I wrote a coming out email to my dad, he immediately wrote back to say he needed a day to process it before he gave me a proper response.  We've been talking about it ever since.

It's really improved my relationship with him.  I'm sorry your parents think it's just a phase.  I feel my mom will eventually think that when she finds out, even though I've been on T for a long time already (so it's obvious that I'm serious).

[Nikolai_S]

My mom is a great ally now, but she wasn't always. It took her about 6 months after I came out to her for her to fully accept it and be able to deal with it. Parents often go through the stages of grief because it feels like they're losing a daughter. The denial stage is hard, and harsh things can be said. During that time, it feels like nothing is changing, maybe it seems like your parents are ignoring it altogether. But they are processing it, on some level. It's not something you can force them to accept, but it will sort itself out eventually.

Now my mom - the same person who tried to bribe me to stop transition, who told me I was selling out to the enemy, and who seemed completely incapable of understanding what I felt - she's the person defending me from relatives who don't understand. Almost without fail she uses the right pronouns and name, and does whatever she can to be supportive and help me. Time changes a lot, and often for the better.

[Inkwe Mupkins]

It's 7 years and my family still can't accept me. Oh, well gotta do what you gotta do. I've just recently started hormones, about 3 months ago.
On the bright side I have an appointment with my endo tomorrow to increase the dosage.

[Shang]

My sister knows and she's behind me.  She even jokingly said it's just going to be a shock to see me. She said, "you can't help who you are."

She can't use the proper pronouns or my name yet because we can't tell my parents yet, but it's OK.  She's still fine and said she'll be here for me no matter what.

My friends from the MS Rainbow Alliance have known since I met them and they all use my chosen name and proper pronouns.  One even said, "that's all I know you as."

My friends from Virginia are cool with it, my friends here are cool with it (except my recent college friends--they don't need to know). 

[Jeh]

When I told my dad he said "Just let me know when you want me to start calling you (malename)." He also said if there was any way he could help me, he would.

When I told my brother, he said "Sweet! We can go cruising for girls and be each other's wingman!"

[BloodLeopard]

I always feel so mixed when I hear people get accepted. I'm glad for them, but I'm so jealous. I lost my "son" (because that's what my cat was to me), my belongings, my photos of my dead father, art, and even stuff that didn't belong to me and I was borrowing because my guardians told me goodbye and they didn't want to be part of my "gay lifestyle" even though being trans had nothing to do with it.

[xAndrewx]

My mom told me it would be okay and was shocked when I said I had waited so long because I thought she would stop loving me or kick me out. She's trying to get me to wait to start testosterone but at the same time today she talked me through how to handle my job interview and other trans related issues.

My dad really just didn't care. Said he understood and since he never used pronouns or my name (he lives out of state and we don't talk often so he doesn't have to) nothing really changed.

I'm sorry your parents are being that way I hope things get better for you man. As for why their opinions matter... well I've known kids who's parents treated them horribly including abusing them and they still defended them. It's your parents, sometimes you just can't help how you feel.