starting to feel like it all an unnatainable dream...

[Zelane]

In all, those feelings you are having re something normal they can happen. i know because I was like that when I started, I was desperate and very afraid and even when I was told things will improve I didnt believe it.

But some years later, yeah they DO have improved.

[Glenn]

Oh goodness.

My charming young friend. I read these words and indeed I identify with you. But you are far younger then many of us. You look adorable and very female.  I only dream of that level of attractiveness and you've hardly started yet.  I hope my transition turns out as well as your initiation has.

So in reply to these words.

@rejennyrated

i think i have too much of an idea of how i want to look, if i was born female id probably still hate my looks because everyone thinks i look just like my sister and i find her distasteful blagh. what i think i need to do is get past the looks so i can focus purely on gender. i really dont want to be that superficial. i think day by day im getting better though, i can see the improvement ive been making and mostly i feel impressed with myself, I am prone to depression though so i know ill have some more breakdowns, but i cant stress enough how much everyone on here has been helping. ^.^

I would like to quote the "Rolling Stones » You Can't Always Get What You Want "

You can't always get what you want, no!
You can't always get what you want (tell ya baby)
You can't always get what you want (no)
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You get what you need!!!

Don't think about what you want to look like dear.  Think about who you want to be.

Also on the depression front, when you slide down, stand up be like a flower and reach for the sun. That's the visualization I have been using for the last year or so.  When I slip deeply into the gloom. I pretend I can absorb light ad happiness from the sun and sky.  I hope this works for you.

Hugs Glena.