Childrens' birth certificate

[JessicaR]

Hi,... This is one of those times that I need an outside perspective.

   I'm post-transition, (social; GRS coming up in May) and I've been thinking and wondering about changing my kids' birth certificate to reflect the new name.

   Can you think of any reason why I should or should not make the change? I had a recent experience, picking up my son from daycare, that frightened me... The new employee had met my son's Mom but hadn't met me; She almost called the police because she thought, because I told her that he was my son, I was being deceptive. I shudder to think, if anything ever happened to my ex-wife, that I wouldn't be able to take my kids because of the name discrepancy. I have the court order that changed my name but I don't carry it with me.
   Any opinions?

[rejennyrated]

While I understand your desire I think that if you did you would potentially be inflicting on your children a lifetime of explaining that their dad was MtF trans, which might not be the kindest thing to do. Frankly it shouldn't be made their problem to have to deal with.

I think this is one of those situations where a bit of discrete honesty with anyone who queries the situation, and always carrying the appropriate documents on your person is the sensible and mature solution.

[tekla]

I know you are not blessed/burdened with kids, but as someone who does have them, let me assure you that concepts like sensible and mature do not enter into the discussion, unless we're talking about the kids themselves.

[rejennyrated]

I know you are not blessed/burdened with kids

I beg your pardon Tekla? You don't know anything of the sort! It is dangerous to assume things.

Just because I never gave birth does not mean that I am not a parent - I choose to respect my adopted family's anonymity on this forum as they are not trans and so it is NOT fair for one of their web surfing friends to suddenly find out about them on here - but it does not mean they do not exist!

Besides you are in danger of twisting the intent my words somewhat I fear.

[tekla]

No, I mean our societies are way overboard with protecting children, it's become the last refuge for real scoundrels who have run out of every other reason as to why something should be done.  And they are never mature about it.  Over hear we have zero torrence laws, but what I read of England, it's even much worse there.

[JessicaR]

While I understand your desire I think that if you did you would potentially be inflicting on your children a lifetime of explaining that their dad was MtF trans, which might not be the kindest thing to do. Frankly it shouldn't be made their problem to have to deal with.

I think this is one of those situations where a bit of discrete honesty with anyone who queries the situation, and always carrying the appropriate documents on your person is the sensible and mature solution.

  So basically, you're saying that my being Transsexual is a "problem" that should be hidden away where no one will find out. What a wonderful thing to teach one's children.      I respectfully but strongly disagree with your opinion; I feel that my kids are fortunate to have a role model who isn't afraid to stand up and be who she is. Making Transsexual folks disassociate with their families was a tragedy that happened in the past.... I would hope that most of us have learned from that mistake and moved forward.

  I suppose I should have been more specific.... I'm looking for any LEGAL reason that I shouldn't change their birth certificates. (I thought I posted in the legal section.)

[Janet_Girl]

As far as I know there is not legal reason that you can not change the name on your children's birth cert.  Hardly any one requires it any more, and those who do only want proof you are a legally born American.

They just see that you have a US birth cert and that is it.

[Robert Scott]

My wife & I changed the names on our kids.  They required their dad to give consent for the name change -- he was in court with us that day so that was easy.  It is "frowned" upon by the court system ... but legally there really shouldn't be a reason.

[tekla]

I'll bet (because I'm way too lazy to look it up) that there are no fewer than 50 different sets of standards, 50 different sets of administrative procedures and 50 different frameworks for administrative law when it comes to this kind of change in a public record in the US.  They will range from so impossibly easy to change that one wonders what the purpose of keeping such public records is in the first place, to absolutely not, not even the Supreme Court in this state can order a change in such documents.  I'll bet in some places it can be done by a form signed by a notary, other places it takes a judge of some sort, and, like I said, in other places it's just impossible.

And note: as legal records such documents are not ever 'changed' they are 'amended' meaning the original information is there on some level forever anyway.

[rejennyrated]

  So basically, you're saying that my being Transsexual is a "problem" that should be hidden away where no one will find out. What a wonderful thing to teach one's children.      I respectfully but strongly disagree with your opinion; I feel that my kids are fortunate to have a role model who isn't afraid to stand up and be who she is. Making Transsexual folks disassociate with their families was a tragedy that happened in the past.... I would hope that most of us have learned from that mistake and moved forward.

I suppose I should have been more specific.... I'm looking for any LEGAL reason that I shouldn't change their birth certificates. (I thought I posted in the legal section.)

No I think you have misunderstood me - or maybe I didn't express myself very well -  I merely felt that it might arouse questions that could be avoided by a different legal approach.

And OF COURSE i don't think being trans is a problem - if you read my back catalog of posts you can easily see that I don't think that for one minute.

Nor, as someone who has been a parent myself SINCE SRS did I intend to suggest for even a FRACTION of one second that you should be disassociated from your family. I just think there may be other ways to document that relationship. Either way I apologise if you felt I was being negative.

IT IS NEVER MY intention to offend and I am extremely upset that my hideously bad wording seems to have caused so mus unintended pain and offense. I of course APOLOGISE ABSOLUTELY UNRESERVEDLY.

[sneakersjay]

I'm not sure.

I've thought about it myself, since the only way to prove I'm my kids' parent is to out myself with all of the appropriate documentation.  I just traveled via plane with my son, and wondered what would happen if someone questioned our relationship, as our last names are different.

I haven't looked into it, though, but it might make things easier on some levels.

OTOH, just explaining to your kids' daycare that your kids have 2 moms might suffice?  What names are on their registration forms?


Jay

[JessicaR]

Both of my children have my last name. It would be easier to just tell people that I was one of two Moms but my ex won't have it... That would mean she would be assumed Lesbian. (Oh, the horror!) ;-)

I think my biggest worry is the possibility of a critical situation... If I needed to take one of my kids to the hospital, for instance...  The last time I told someone that I was their Father, they almost called the police; If I say that I'm their Mother I'd be questioned when my ex showed up. I couldn't bear being kept from them in a situation like that...

Jess