Here's a draft of the letter I'm writing with whose contents, with minor variations, I'll be using to come out to people. Please give me an honest opinion of what you like and what you'd change. THNX!
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My purpose here is to tell you something rather dramatic (but not bad!) so I decided to write it in letter form so I don't miss anything important. After you're done reading we can talk, if you wish, and I'll answer any question you might have.
Over the past year and a half I have been dealing with an epiphany that has shaken me to my very core. It put me into a severe depression that I'm only recently begun to get out of. Two weeks before my 50th birthday I recognized that I was suffering from a medical condition known as "gender identity disorder" (GID), specifically, that I'm male to female transsexual and that I had been fighting and repressing this knowledge for most of my life. I was devastated by this. My self-identity was completely destroyed along with my self confidence. I asked myself, if I am so good at fooling myself am I fooling myself now? Is this a delusion? A warped "midlife crisis?" I realized that I could not handle this alone. I was sinking deeper and deeper into despair so I decided to find someone to help me with it. I found and started seeing a psychologist who works through the Buffalo Children's Hospital specializing in sex and gender problems, Dr. Thomas Mazur.
I started to see Dr. Mazur last December with the request that he work to provide me with either a confirmation of my self-diagnosis or another reason why I might feel the way I was feeling. I underwent some tests and wrote an autobiography. As I continued therapy I got more and more depressed. I got so low that I began to actively plan my suicide. I felt that I just HAD to get rid of the pain. I felt that I had no other options left. I can't ever get that low again. Last August Dr. Mazur delivered the news that he could find no other reason for my feelings, no differential diagnosis in "doctorspeak," and that I was correct in my thinking.
You may have heard of transsexualism but probably only through popular culture and talk show sensationalism. These sources have generated a very false and damaging stereotype of who and what a transsexual, or for that matter what any transgendered person, really is. In reality, GID is about who a person feels themselves to be inside, their inner identity. Most people have no disconnect between what they feel themselves to be and what their external image tells them they are so it never becomes an issue. It's a given. People that have GID, however, feel as if they are one gender on the inside even though their anatomical sex is opposite of that. It is NOT related to sexual orientation. Being transsexual is not about being gay. It is also not about sexual gratification, not about being a fetish. It's not about who or what turns me on. It's about who or what I am.
There is no cure for GID. Doctors, scientists and other interested individuals have tried to find the cause, and effect a cure, for this condition for the past 100 years. Nothing they tried had any permanent affect. Certain religious organizations have claimed cures but the data they provide is questionable, if it is even made available, and is thus unbelievable. My personal idea about their so called successes is that they may be able to help people repress this, I was able to do that for many, many years without anyone's help, but they never really cure them and make these feelings go away. The causes of GID are also not really known. The best evidence to date indicates that this condition is a birth defect, caused by a misapplication or mistiming of male and/or female sex hormones during pregnancy or just after birth.
While there is no cure there is, thankfully, an effective treatment for GID. Some may consider the treatment to be very radical and others may not, feeling that if it helps people ease their suffering, it's worth it. Basically the treatment is to have the patient change their life to living from one sex, or more accurately, gender, to the one they identify with. In popular parlance, to have a "sexchange," even though it's really much more than that. These changes cover a myriad of details - sometimes, but not always, culminating with surgery designed to alter the genitalia and other sexual characteristics to the self identified gender. The methods of change also include taking cross-sex hormones, electrolysis and continuing psychotherapy. The person is encouraged to more and more present themselves as the person they feel themselves to be. The process is quite lengthy and is commonly referred to as a "gender transition." Some choose not to use this cure, for various personal reasons. Some people do it on a part-time basis and are satisfied with that. Others eventually go to living full time as the gender they feel themselves to be. The process for this treatment is laid out in a protocol named the "The Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association's Standards of Care for Gender Identity Disorders"
As for myself, I have, with Dr. Mazur's approval, gone to an endocrinologist: a doctor that specializes in the endocrine system, the parts of the body that produce and use hormones. The endocrinologist prescribed drugs that suppress testosterone (the primary male hormone) and others that replace it with estrogen (the main female hormone) . These drugs will, over the next few years, produce what essentially will be a second puberty, only this time it will be in the direction that feels right to me. I have made no decisions yet about living full time as a woman or about getting facial or genital surgery. My current strategy is to take things one step at a time and stop when I feel that I can live with myself. I expect my body to begin looking more and more feminine. I can also reasonably expect my personality to change slightly, in positive ways, but that I will always retain the same basic character I've always had before. I have chosen a new name, Helen Christine, and plan to keep my last name in any and all circumstances.
My spouse has been understandably devastated by the news of this diagnosis. She has found it in her heart to support me in what I've had to do to regain my emotional equilibrium. That she continues to do so astounds me and makes my love and gratitude even more inexpressible than it ever was. I've told my mom about this and have also come out to my two sons, all of whom have been supportive. Two people where I work know about me and have accepted me unquestionably. While I'm slowly expanding the circle of people that I've told about this I'm still essentially living in the closet as far as my employer, the financial industry and the government are concerned. If anyone asks abut what's going on with me, please ask them to ask me directly. That way I can give them a copy of this letter and explain it to them personally.
I've added a number of information sources, both in book form and on the world wide web, that explain the details behind the condition I've been found to have. Of course, I'm open to any question that's asked in the spirit of expanding your understanding of my self and this arcane subject and, while I would rather not be the butt of any cruel jokes, I believe that recognition of the humor that can arise from this process can be very therapeutic for all concerned. I hope you can find it in your heart to accept this news as it should be: as news of an unalterable medical condition in a friend whose life will be completely turned around by its treatment.
Thank you, hugs & smiles,
Helen
