The List - (of tasks/goals that are required for a successful transition)

[Adabelle]

I've seen some great posts in this community about the hard work that one must do to have a successful transition. It totally makes sense that the result of one's transition has a lot to do with what they are willing to put into it.

But I got to thinking, what exactly is the "hard work" that needs to be done? and how might this be different from person to person?

I've seen some talk about losing weight as an example before they start HRT and I'd love to her more specifics about goals like this. Like, what was your goal weight? Based on a certain BMI, or something else?

Others have added hair removal to the list for example, and/or therapy.

What was/is your "hard work" transition list like? What are/were some of the thoughts of your tasks and goals that need(ed) to be accomplished for you to successfully transition?

[K8]

Since you asked...

I spent a lot of time coming to terms with the fact that I am transgendered (wasn't quite ready to admit to being TS yet).
I spent a lot of time thinking about the consequences of coming out and learning to accept them.  For me those were: derision, loss of friends, perhaps having to move, perhaps being verbally or physically assaulted or even killed.
Therapy.
New glasses.
Going out to an LGBT dance in a neighboring town, wearing women's clothes in public for the first time.
Coming out to my friends.
Coming out to my hairdresser, thus getting a woman's haircut.
Facial hair removal – laser and electrolysis (how do you find the right places?)
Support group in a neighboring town.
Voice coaching.
Coming out to more people.
Learning makeup.
Going out as woman in my own town.
Starting hormones (learning about them and getting my doctor to prescribe them).
Coming out to my family, my neighbors, my church.
Changing my legal name, and then changing my name on all of my records (Social Security, driver's license, military ID, credit cards, utility bills, et cetera ad nauseum).
Learning what clothes suited my figure.
Shopping for a new wardrobe.
Learning how to move – walk and sit and act – which turned out to be an unlearning of how to act like a man.
Constantly pushing my comfort zone.
Learning the protocol for using the women's rest room.
Starting RLE - going out there when you are sure you still don't pass but going out nonetheless.
Not backtracking.
Learning to take care of my body differently because it has different needs.
Learning the things girls learn at 13 – don't carry things in your pockets, don't walk in unsafe places, etc.
Dealing with my new vulnerability – both as a woman and as a transsexual.
And keeping it up.
Then there is all of the hassle around getting GRS and then changing all of your gender markers.

I'm sure I missed some here, but you can get the idea.  This is a big project that takes time and work and persistence and a lot of emotional energy.  But the results are so sweet it is all more than worth it.

Enjoy the journey.  It is exciting, terrifying, wonderful, and oh so satisfying.

- Kate

[Jeatyn]

This thread got me thinking, because I'm FTM....my transition actually removed a lot of "work" that I was doing to present as female in the first place. One of Kate's list items is learning how to do makeup....Whereas I stopped using makeup. I no longer felt like I had to shave my legs. I could relax in public not worrying about keeping my legs together to be "ladylike" when I sat down and things like that.

It's such hard work being a girl

My list consists of:

Get a binder
Cut all my hair off

The rest of it is stuff I STOPPED doing....shaving...wearing makeup....etc

[DegrassiFan]

This is for myself:
Dressing Masculine (done all of my life lol)
Cut hair (Done in summer of '06)
Binding (summer of '07)
T (November '06)
Name change (October '08)
top surgery (March '10)

Next on my list:
weight loss (about 30 lbs)
more muscle (I have muscle, I just want more haha)
facial masculinization surgery (nose mainly and whatever else done over the summer)

[Asfsd4214]

I would actually say the hardest thing I've encountered in my transition in coming to terms with accepting the things that have happened in my life, many of which are trans related and many of which aren't, and as cliched as it sounds, finding a place for me in the world inspite of all that's happened.

Apart from that, I wouldn't say anything I've had to deal with has been hard.

I haven't required FFS or hair removal, voice came very easily to me, HRT simply requires waiting, name change was a few minutes waiting in line and a few weeks more waiting. Obtaining hormones, I self medicated before getting my prescription.

All the stuff like mannerisms, how you dress, how you walk, etc, I never worried about any of it, I don't believe any of that stuff truly matters or is a problem for me.

Without a doubt, the hardest part of transition for me has been the struggles in my own mind to find peace and move on with my life. A struggle that even today is by no means resolved.

[jamied]

Aw Kate, you reminded me how much I still have to do! 

[K8]

Don't worry, Jaimie.  You can do it.  There are a lot of things to do, but fortunately you don't have to do them all at once.  For me, it took a lot of emotional energy, but the hardest parts were in the beginning - accepting myself and asking others to accept me (coming out).  But I've always had a hard time with those.

- Kate

[A]

Uhm...

(x)Work on voice pitch
(x)Starting to act female
(x)Starting to not exaggerate the female acting
(x)Accepting transsexualism
(x)Coming out to the psychologist
(x)Coming out to the physician
(x)Coming out to my mother
(x)Coming out to a few accessory people
(x)Finding info and support on the Internet
(x)Learning not to feel bad about being a woman
(x)(optional and not recommended) Get help from psychiatrists on wrong diagnosises
(x)Pressure the psychiatrist
(x)(optional and not recommended) Have a suicidal depression
(x)Pressure the psychiatrist again
(x)Get an appointment with the specialist psychiatrist
( )Wax hair [it will feel good AND I've bought the materials but... I'm scared I will tear the skin while leaving the hair, haha.]
( )Get a job to pay for everything
( )Start electrolysis
( )Finally get a female haircut [just telling the hairdresser what I want does not do. I will have to mention it if I want something feminine]
( )Start school again and go through the difficulties of it
( )Pressure the specialist psychiatrist into prescribing HRT at the appointment
( )Go to school while waiting for HRT effects to come in
( )Learn everything about hair, make-up and clothes
( )Buy clothes
( )Change name
( )Move to a bigger city and start going full-time, including at school
( )Get the school to change the gender marker
( )Get "officially approved" therapy for SRS
( )Finish cégep ; begin university
( )Get SRS and, if necessary, FFS
( )Change official gender
( )Start eventually maybe having relationships
( )Live.

[BunnyBee]

tsroadmap.com

[Colleen Ireland]

First, what Jen said.  And...

It's such hard work being a girl

Amen to THAT!  Body hair - ugh!  Of course, us transwomen have (at least pre-HRT) WAY more hair to worry about than 99.999% of GG's.  And it is WORK.  Not to mention mind-numbing frustration.  I truly canNOT wait for HRT, and I pray it helps as advertised to get the body hair under control... 

[Victor]

Not a fully comprehensive list but a general outline of my goals and stages in transitioning.


Transitioning checklist:


-----------------
Phase 1:  Life style and appearance based, general research
.....

1: Find and get a suiting haircut to bring out masculine features. (Partial)
2: Find and begin using a binder suited to my needs and shape
3: Come out to those who matter to me (Completed)
4: Work on vocal tone (Partial)
5: Research options and information (ongoing)
6: Find proper support (Complete)
7: Choose name for during and after transition (completed)
8: Begin use of proper pronouns
9: Grow use to a male appearance in public (partial due to passing issues)

--------------------
Phase 2: Specific research and mental preparation for later stages
.....

1: Find a suiting therapist with experience with transgendered people (Researching stages)
2: Research techniques and options as to know what to expect in latter stages (In progress)
3: Begin looking into hormone replacement options for when at that stage.
4: Research doctors who see to transitional procedures with satisfactory experience.
5: Research top surgery specifics (in progress)

---------------
Phase 3: More serious action
.....

1: Arrange for top surgery
2: Arrange for hormone therapy
3: Continued counseling if needed
4: After 1 and 2, come out to less important people in my life.

----------------
Phase 5: If not comfortable and happy at stage five.
.....

1: Look into, begin researching and possibly go through with lower surgery.

[jmaxley]

So far:
(x) accepting self as trans (since I told my mom, I'm having to work on this one a little more)
(x) research
(x) find something to bind with
(x) haircut
(x) work on lowering voice
(x) stop wearing girl's clothes
(x) buy more men's clothes
(x) buy men's underwear (big step, lol, I was so nervous)
(x) get a packer (even though I don't use it, nervous about it falling out lol)
(x) pick out a name
(x) replace girly hygiene stuff with men's (deo, shower gel, shaving cream, etc)
(x) come out to doctor
(x) come out to shrink
(x) find more understanding shrink
(  ) being able to afford appointments with more understanding shrink
(x) come out to family
(x) come out to friends
(  ) come out to church friends
(x) find lgbt group
(x) find trans support group in state
(x) ask friends to use male name and pronouns
(x) keep reminding friends to use male name and pronouns
(  ) save money for doctor appointment for T
(x) talk to ob/gyn about getting a hysto
(  ) find another ob/gyn
(  ) get hysto done
(x) take supplements to up T levels
(x) stop taking supplements because they stopped working and were causing side effects
(  ) start using men's restroom (going to wait till I pass better)
(  ) go on T
(  ) legal name and gender marker change
(  ) start saving for top surgery
(x) pick out top surgeon
(  ) get top surgery done

[Janet_Girl]

• Accept self
• Inform Wife
• fight with wife for a year
• Sell House, split proceeds
• Purchase new Home
• Purchase Wig, begin growing out hair
• Purchase breast forms
• Purchase padding for Bum and hips.
• Begin HRT
• Begin therapy
• Purchase makeup
• Begin living Part time
• filed for name change
• Wrote and delivered Transition paperwork
• Received name change
• Began RLE
• Filed for divorce
• Lost job at one year RLE
• Orchidectomy
• Jan 2010 filed for SSDI
• Developed online relationship with someone special
• Projected SRS date, Sept. 16, 2011
• Facial hair removal, work in progress

From #5 to 16 was 9 months.  And from 18 on, it has been on unemployment.  But I would not want to try to get through it all as part time.  I certainly would not be alive.

[CaitJ]

Goals:

1. Be happier than I was pre-transition.

End.

[Janet_Girl]

Geez Cait, did you have to write a novel?  jk.

I am quite sure you have already reached that goal.

Hugs Hon

[Byren]

Hmm....this kinda feels like New Year's resolutions...only...eh...longer 

The abridged version...

1. come to terms (done)
2. find therapist (done...then undone...looking for another)
3. find support group (partial...I usually have to work when they meet)
4. hair (done)  need another haircut though...aheh
5. clothes...wip. Must learn what 'style' means...
6. go part time
7. come out to family (partial)
8. figure out what to do about work
9. go full time
10. name change et al
11. get on T
12. come out to others if necessary
13. invent a money making scheme so I can...
14. have GRS! top & bottom!

Hmm....we should all print out our lists and post them somewhere important!  ok...maybe not...hehe