COUNSELING: QUESTIONS

[VirginiaSiloah]

Hi everyone,

So i've just started to get counseling (two times at the moment: first one was just a personal introduction, the second lasts just 30 minutes cause i arrived late 🙂 and she simply asked me why i thought i was transgender)..

Now i would like to know your experiences about this, in particular about:

- WHEN AND WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO GET COUNSELING?
For example i decided it was time when i moved to another city and i knew there was an important transgender association there. It was the week i dressed like a girl every single day and my thoughts about being a girl were stronger than ever.

-WHAT IS COUNSELING ABOUT?
Does the therapist let you talk freely? does he/she pick a particular topic for every session? does he/she ask you to dress the way you want to?

-HOW LONG DOES IT LAST?

-HOW DID YOU AND YOUR THERAPIST GET TO A CONCLUSION (AND WHICH WAS THIS CONCLUSION)?
I've always wondered about this in particular. Is something you did together or he/she came one day telling you "well i think you are trans"? please tell me everything about this cause i'm really curious!

thank you all,
xx

[regan]

Different therapists follow different schools.  For the most part, however, think of therapy like a conversation.  Sometimes you ask questions, sometimes they ask questions and so on.  As for dress codes, every therapist is different.  Most therapists will tell you to dress how you feel comfortable, though respect the fact they are in a public building, etc and to "dress appropriately".

As for a conclusion, I don't know that there is one in the classic sense.  There are milestones, for HRT, GRS, etc, sure, but there's no waving of a magic wand and declaring you anything, officially transgendered, done with therapy, etc.  It's up to you who you are, how you define yourself and when you're ready for HRT, GRS, etc.  If your therapist isn't ready when you are, I would suggest that probably means something, but there's always a therapist that will tell you what you want to hear for the right price.

[Janet_Girl]

- WHEN AND WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO GET COUNSELING?
I knew I would have to go through therapy in order to eventually get any surgery.  20 plus years ago I went to a therapist, but she seem to push me into moving forward before I was ready.  This time I proceeded at my pace.

-WHAT IS COUNSELING ABOUT?
For me it was to be sure that I am truly Transsexual.  And if now I need to figure out what was going on.

-HOW LONG DOES IT LAST?
I saw my therapist of about a year.  Bu the first visit I was told that I was a true transsexual.  After my Orchidectomy I no longer really need to see him any more.

-HOW DID YOU AND YOUR THERAPIST GET TO A CONCLUSION (AND WHICH WAS THIS CONCLUSION)?
Through discussions of my life and how I felt, we come to the conclusion that I was transsexual and transition was my choice.  Transition is what saved my life.

[Jessica B]

- WHEN AND WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO GET COUNSELING?
I first started in Counseling when my family pushed me to see a therapist, mostly to with the intent to "correct" my behavior when I first started to express myself.  Needless to say it was a rather negative experience.  After having some issues in coping with my environment and being unable or unwilling to remove myself from that environment I developed some unhealthy behaviors and I needed help.  I sought out a therapist to help me develop positive methods of coping and to start making working towards my plan to transition.  Alone without help, I do not expect I would survive. 

-HOW LONG DOES IT LAST?
We have a pending deployment before I'll be prepared to separate from the military, so I'm looking around 15 more months with working with my therapist before I can continue to move forward.  As a leader I am not prepared to let my kids as I call them go into harms way without me. 

-HOW DID YOU AND YOUR THERAPIST GET TO A CONCLUSION (AND WHICH WAS THIS CONCLUSION)?
As silly as it sound this isn't something that I often speak openly about given my environment.  Before I went to my first introductory session with my current doctor I rehearsed!  I gave my performance to my doctor and then just laughed happily, what an amazing and empowering feeling it was to just walk up and be honest with someone.  She was very supportive and provided guidance, but for the most part in my experience I was a self-proclaimed diagnosis.  I would assume that most adults who seek help have already have an idea of why they feel the way they do and are seeking help to improve their situation, physically, emotionally, spiritually or mentally.

[K8]

- WHEN AND WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO GET COUNSELING?
I started counseling for some other issues and, as they began resolving, I moved on to my lifelong gender issues.

-WHAT IS COUNSELING ABOUT?
I saw it as being able to talk openly to a neutral party – someone not involved in my issues and with no particular agenda other than to help me feel better.  I talked about whatever I wanted, exploring my feelings and thoughts and where I thought I wanted to go, telling her what I had been doing and how those things went.  I expected her to give me some guidance – tell me when I was off track and perhaps offer suggestions.  She would also get me to look at aspects I didn't particularly want to look at, but I trusted her and realized I needed to look at those things to move forward.

-HOW LONG DOES IT LAST?
I saw my therapist for my gender issues from when I began thinking about coming out to after my GRS – about 18 months.  I started seeing her every other week and gradually decreased the frequency of the visits as we both felt they were less needed.  I was seeing her once every six weeks when I stopped.

-HOW DID YOU AND YOUR THERAPIST GET TO A CONCLUSION (AND WHICH WAS THIS CONCLUSION)?
I don't know.  I always assumed she would write my letter for surgery or let me know that she wouldn't or had doubts when I first started talking about it.  When I got the letter from her, I found out that she had been sure I was TS before I was.  I stopped counseling when things settled down after my surgery.

Incidentally, I wore a skirt only once or twice.  I never dressed in women's clothes for her before going fulltime.  When I went fulltime, I usually wore (women's) jeans and a casual top.  I also never put on any kind of act.  It was a time for me to be honest with myself and with her.

- Kate

[Nicky]

- WHEN AND WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO GET COUNSELING?
Well, I was becomming suicidal, I was at an all time low. I knew I needed help with this or it was going to bury me. I saw it as a chance to find a way to be free.

-WHAT IS COUNSELING ABOUT?
Well, we work on whatever I needed help with at the time. My counsellor always started with "what shell we work on today, last time you were dealing with this..." The first session after the intro was about identifying my problem "What do you need help with". We quickly came to the conclusion that I really needed support, that was the primary thing to start with. So we explored getting that. I decided to get support I needed to come out and I also needed space to explore myself. So we talked about how I might have conversations with my wife, and family in coming out. That was the beginning.

-HOW LONG DOES IT LAST?
At first, once a week. then this dropped of as I found my feet. Now and then I would have a crisis of sorts and get an appointment to talk about that. I saw her about a month ago, I started 2 years ago.

-HOW DID YOU AND YOUR THERAPIST GET TO A CONCLUSION (AND WHICH WAS THIS CONCLUSION)?
It was never an issue whether I was trans or not. It was not her place to diagnose me and I was not looking for a diagnosis (I went to a psychologist for that later to get my letter for surgery). She was there to help me deal with my struggle. I did a lot of the work, but she helped clarify things for me, and gave me a little push when I needed it. Like in the beginning she said "It is your right to be yourself, what do you want? ok, lets figure out how you could get it, and would you be willing to risk this to get it?"

[gail123]

Over the last 10 years I've seen 3 psychologists.
The 1st one for ~ 6 months. The 2nd for ~3 months & the 3rd (4 years ago) for 3 sessions.
The first two I saw every other week, the 3rd monthly.
For the most part all 3 of them let me do the talking, interrupting only to fill in my periods of silence.

Looking back at my sessions all followed the same pattern. I started out trying, or so I thought & still think, my level best to honestly describe my situation, from both an intellectual and emotional viewpoint. But, very quickly, I ran out of things to say, or the words to say it, and started to dramatize my life. I'm not sure why. Partly to boost my ego, partly to keep the good Doctors interested, and partly because it was a lot of fun.  I enjoyed the drama, but could never shake the sense I was somehow cheating myself.

I'm not sure if the psychologists saw through me, but suspect they did.
I guess the " lesson learned" is you get back what you put in.   


 

[Epigania]

WHEN AND WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO GET COUNSELING?
Well, for many years I was sorta dealing with things on my own.   I had my ups and downs, but I would always come up with a compromise that I could live with.   Eventually, I got to a point where I couldn't come up with a valid compromise.  I was sinking deeper and deeper into depression so I decided it was time for help from someone with more experience.   I knew that a lot of things stemmed from my GID issues so I chose to find someone who had experience with Transgendered issues.

WHAT IS COUNSELING ABOUT?
My therapist is awesome.   He lets you pretty much talk about whatever you want to talk about but he holds you accountable and challenges you with some pretty thoughtful questions.   He actually picked up that I had other issues with relationships that were more pressing than my GID very quickly in the first session.  We sort of talk about the GID as a secondary thing when I have my sessions.  We talk on a rather high intellectual and philosophical level that I don't think happens with most people and their therapists, though.

HOW LONG DOES IT LAST?
My sessions are 1 hour long and I see him once month or so.  I don't foresee changing that schedule anytime in the near future.

HOW DID YOU AND YOUR THERAPIST GET TO A CONCLUSION (AND WHICH WAS THIS CONCLUSION)?
My therapist never really comes to a conclusion on my topics.   He leaves the conclusions to me for the most part.   It's more of a discussion on situations and issues and how they are affecting me emotionally and mentally and he helps navigate through the clutter that sometimes obscures the clearer picture of the problem.

[Aikotribs]

WHEN AND WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO GET COUNSELING?
about a month ago, way too late if you ask me.
I found out I was supposed to like having boobs in some way, but I never did anything with them, I just layer them away.Then I noticed I felt male in my head and not much later I figured out my whole past. The puzzle was complete, I found out why I had depressions, anxiety,sleeping problems and why I thought life sucked in general for 'girls' and men had all the cool stuff. I had enough of it, I had noting to lose and I never liked being a 'girl'. It was either make an end to my life, go crazy, or do something drastic to actually GET a life.

WHAT IS COUNSELING ABOUT?
I'll admit I was pretty embarrassed, I told him I was trying to figure out if I was transgender or transsexual but we figured out pretty dumb stuff from my past, that where jet again pointers that it seems pretty clear to me I'm transsexual. We do both actually, he lets me talk freely and notes stuff down all the time, and sometimes he'll ask questions. His questions where about what I see in the mirror, and what I want to accomplish with transition. Being trans pretty much ruined my school career and it keeps on destroying my life, he seems to understand that very well what makes it comforting as so far, things are going smooth.


HOW LONG DOES IT LAST?
an hour only, too short if you ask me.
I heard I was supposed to have 12 appointments, once a month but erm I'm was on the third one and I'm already going into the next stage, he also took me on the 'fast list' I guess its cuz I dress as a man, but I pretty much have always done that (despite the comments I get) I got an appointment every 14 days!  Idk whats going to happen now tho, but I hope we can get the female hormone blocker soon, whenever that 'week' arrives I just go nuts.


HOW DID YOU AND YOUR THERAPIST GET TO A CONCLUSION (AND WHICH WAS THIS CONCLUSION)?
I'm self diagnosed, I know my past I know my feelings, I just used him as a doorway to get over my self denial and embarrassment.
He actually just asked wether I figured it out, I just said ' yeah ... I'm a classic textbook transsexual' and then I left, with the happy pointer that it was time to think about a new name C:

[regan]

My first appointment is tonight, I'm eager to go but I keep playing it over in my head.  Do I talk about my couple attempts at DIY, is that going to affect me getting HRT (either positively or negatively)?  Am I just Blanchard's wet dream?  Is that even what my therapist will think of me?

I want full disclosure, but I still fear saying to much, not saying enough, saying the wrong things all together.

[K8]

Reading the stories here, perhaps my experience was atypical.  But I approached my therapist appointments as: This is what my issues are and these are the things that I need help with.  Often they would point out other things I needed to consider and work on, but I always felt like I was the one driving the boat.

If they couldn't help me with my issues, I moved on to another therapist.  If they had their own issues they wanted to work on - like shoehorning me into some preconceived notion of what I should be - I moved on to another therapist.  Therapy is to help you deal with what and who you are and with your situation in the world.  It is not to make you jump through specified hoops.  You are paying them to help you.

Just relax and be as open as you can.  You want to establish a cooperative relationship with your therapist so that you can work together to make your life better.  Good luck, Regan.

- Kate

[VirginiaSiloah]

Thank you all! from what you wrote two points have clearly come out:
1 counseling mainly consists in talking about one's problems, feelings etc.
2 there's no a "real conclusion" or in  other words the therapist will never tell you "yes you are trans you have to transition" but it's something we already know and he/she just helps us in this path of discovery.

Well, even though i'm superexcited about it, these "epiphanies" disappoint me a bit in a certain way. Like, i thought/hoped the therapist would have played a major role. I didn't expect him/her to pronounce a sentence about me but i didn't think his/her role was mainly that of the "listener".

Anyway i'm just at the beginning and i'm sure she will help me with so many things!

By the way, today i've had my third appointment and that's what she made me do.

She gave me some papers on which i had to draw through imagination what she told me.

First thing a HUMAN BEING: i drawed a simple body of a bald man with no eyes moutch nose ecc.

2:A FIGURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX: i made a trim figure with long hair and with smaller features than the one before. (still without eyes moutch etc)

At this point she asked to tell her how old were the characters and a story about the two of them. I imagined the man was 30/35 while the girl 18/20. She was walking alone on a street when the man saw her. At fist he just followed her with the eyes but then he kept walking behind her. The girl was scared and began to walk faster till she reached home. She entered the door and the man disappeared.

3: A TREE: i made a huge tree with lots of leaves, a nest and a hole in the trunk. I added this was a tree i was very fond of when I was young cause i believed i could talk to him (her actually she was a female).

4: A FAMILY: i drawed in order a father with curly hair, a mother with a skirt and a ponytail, a little boy with spiky hair and a little girl with a dress and curly hair.

She asked me to say something positive and negative about this family. Positive: they re very happy together, the parents have been married for less than one year, he is a doctor she is an housewife.Negative: they are very fond of each other but sometimes they don't pay attention to the little girl which is a little bit absent and sad (just after i've said the story i noticed everyone was smiling and looking in one direction whereas the girl has a sulking expression and looked in the opposite direction).

Then she took the papers and said we re gonna discuss about this next time.

someone has an idea of what it might mean or where she wants to get?

thanks again and sorry for my english! 🙂

[SidESlicker]

Hope I'm not too late jumping on the bandwagon....


- WHEN AND WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO GET COUNSELING?
The organization I volunteer for had some therapists available to talk to. After some rough times with my personal life I figured I should suck in my pride and actually go talk to someone.

-WHAT IS COUNSELING ABOUT?
We talk a lot about my family and relationships that are important to me and why they're important to me and the relationship I have with myself. She's pretty relationship-oriented in my opinion.... And no, she doesn't ask me to dress anyway, but she does start off every session by asking me what pronoun and name I would like to be referred to. Which is nice

-HOW LONG DOES IT LAST?
Hour and a half. It's pretty perfect.

-HOW DID YOU AND YOUR THERAPIST GET TO A CONCLUSION (AND WHICH WAS THIS CONCLUSION)?
Oh christ uh... jesus. Well, there's no "conclusion" yet, still discussing a lot of things, but we're getting there by talking a lot of what I don't want to be in life, and drawing pictures of how I see my gender and how I present myself. It's pretty chill and there's no rush.

I have no idea what your therapist might be doing... but it sounds like you guys are going to discuss how the people in your picture relate to you and how you feel towards them. As to what I think it means... no idea. Sorry 🙁