2 coming out ?s

[Michael Joseph]

Almost every coming out to parents story that Ive heard is negative and ends up with the parents either unaccepting or taken back and needing to take time for them to come around. So I was just wondering if theres anyone whos had a positive experience where their parents were accepting almost right away, and didn't need time to "come around."

My other coming out question is has anyone first come out as gay/lesbian before realizing they were trans, and then had to come out again? If so, how did they take it each time? My reason for this question is because, I had previously come out as gay before I 100% knew about trans, and my mom was completely accepting, and I wonder if this will be a lot different.

One day my mom and I were talking and she asked me if I was happy as a girl, and I said no. She asked me if most lesbians feel that way and I said no they dont. I told her I have felt this way all of my life, and that was basically the end of the conversation. So, I guess you could say Im half out to her? I was more nervous than ever before at that point talking to her, but I need to get the rest out... so I plan on doing it as soon as possible because its on my mind all day everyday.

[Eve of chaos]

when I told my mom i didn't intend to, i called her up asking her "If I needed therapy for something would you help me?"

then for hours she kept asking me waht was wrog, I kept telling her I would tell her when I was comfortable, she would say "I love you no matter what", "are you gay", and "were you raped"...

yeah so i ended up just telling her, and she was accepting right away. she didnt understand and asked the usual "but you like girls how can you be a girl" and others but she said shed do whatever we needed to do and although we haven't talked about ti much I know that shes accepting.

as for the rest of the family....I already know im gonna be ostracized.

[xAndrewx]

My dad didn't need any time to come around but we've been in different states since I was 8 and don't talk much so idk if that counts for much.

As for the second question, I came out as lesbian to absolutely everyone before coming out as trans. It took about a year before I started to come out for the second time. Everyone supposedly knew I was gay so no shock to them. Came out as trans and everyone was shocked and confused. Could happen different for you though, you never know.

[Lee]

I've been thinking about this too, so thanks for bringing it up.  I came out as bi to my parents about 4 years ago, and they were really cool about it.  However, I get the feeling that this is going to be a much bigger matter.  After hearing some horror stories on here, it's good to know that sometimes it works out just fine.

[Rock_chick]

Well My spin on this is I came out as being a transexual and a lesbian at the same time...for some reason they found it hard to get their heads round.

From personal experience, don't worry if they need a bit of time to process things, if you can give them the space to figure things out and come to terms with them, as long as they still love you, it does get better.

[regan]

I'm probably a hot mess, but I first came out to my parents as trans at 13, well actually I told her something along the lines of how worried i was that I "wanted a sex change".  That went over like a lead ballon.  I tried again at 17/18 asserting that I wanted to transition, got about the same reaction.  I confessed at 20 that I thought I was bi, decided I liked men alot better and came out as gay around 21 then reassured my parents i was gay and the whole "transgender thing" was just me trying to come to terms with being gay.  That worked until I was almost 24 and decided I'd been right all along when I said I was transgendered the first time.

I ended up on HRT until I was almost 26 at which point I paniced and quit HRT, never having gone full time.  I'm not necessarily proud of the fact that I've self-medicated off and on since then, but rebound from a bad therapist I guess does that to you.

So for the coming out question, parents really do just want you to be happy, but what they don't tell you is they want you to be their version of happy.  Some parents are able to come to terms with the fact that their version of your being happy isn't your version of happy and adjust accordingly, some don't.  There's no way of knowing which parent your parents are.  There are parents that accept right away, but they are few and far between, they're usually just thrilled that you're not so depressed you're doing the thorazine shuffle any more or they've just been dying to be able to call themselves a PFLAG mom.  You're better off buying a lottery ticket, the odds are about the same as having one of those parents and at least you've got a chance at having plenty of money for transition.

[rejennyrated]

My familly have always been most supportive and helpful. The ONLY opposition I had was from the so called medical specialists who in the 1970's would do anything to try and stop one.

My first coming out was a real non event - I suppose I might say I worked on the principle of "book early to avoid disappointment" and although I don't think anyone knew much about what being trans meant back then I basically came out at aged 5 when my parents started to allow me some degree of freedom in my gender expression at my request.

This kind of partial coming out was crystalised in 1974 sitting on the sea front in Brighton when I told my mother that I wanted to see a specialist. This led to a formal diagnosis form Dr Randall in 1976 although to my irritation far from leading on to an immediate commencement of medical treatment, because i was so young the doctor maintained that by making things harder for me my parents might yet avoid the need for any such steps. The result was that having been "out" virtually through childhood I went back in during most of my college and university days.

I started to come back out, kind of for my third time, just as I was leaving university but it took me a few years before I ended on the surgeons table in the mid 1980's.

As I said, my parents were always highly supportive, my mother particularly so. She took it upon herself to make sure that I never had to tell any of my wider family, and given that I later discovered that I actually had a minor intersex condition (PAIS) one has to wonder whether she knew something.

[My Name Is Ellie]

My parents don't have a problem with it at all, they were just a bit shocked.

[Aikotribs]

Life isn't ful of horrorstories !

but the main thing you have to remember with parents is ; they might think they failed parenting somehow (an advice I got from another parent) so be sure to tell them they did alright and that its not their mistake that your trans.

My mom was pretty calm tbh. When I told her I wasn't a girl, she was more like 'ho ... yeah you said you where a boy before.' She had to progress it for a while but she gets it now, as much as a cis can get it I think, shes even all supportive of my transition.

My dad was a different story,tho not a bad one, he really wanted a girl, when we told him I was actually a man he had a minor drama that involved tears and the rather silly sounding
' But, I'm okay with you being a really butch lesbian ! ' Well I'm not a lesbian heh. The butch lesbian seems to have stalked me all my life tho I 'officially' only came out as aromantic asexual. Hes an absent father tho so we never really did anything much.
But lately hes ... trying to get closer ? idk its like he always knew there was something 'off' on me but he didn't want to see what, and now he knows what it is, he seems to have calmed down.

Hell he's even giving me underwear xD Makes me wonder if he'll try to 'make a man' out of his sissy son at this age ,bahaha !
Maybe we'll even get to know eichother better ,who knows.


my family in general has some idea but I still have to tell them in person . They seem pretty chill about it, most people realize I'v never been a real girl since there are allot of girls around. The only problem case might be my autistic niece, but eh.

[Nicky]

My family has been fine. Dad just went "ok, everyone has something", and just kind of avoids the topic now, we still slip back into our own grove and get along more or less like before. The conversations are the same. I don't think he can bring himself to call me Nicole though. Mum was supportive, not really understanding but trying to understand.

My older brother was great, just went ok Sis. And that was that.

My two sisters were ok. They don't really understand it but it is ok. I go shopping a bit with my youngest sister and it is good. It is funny being the oldest sister now but I feel like learn more from my sibs.

I have one uncle that still says "Good lad" which is ridiculous when you see how I look, I don't look anything like a lad anymore. Shrug. But otherwise no horrors. My family have been rather accomodating and the ones that have any 'concerns' just kind of ignore it. I try to make it ok to talk about but most would rather not. They like their blinders.

[ilanthefirst]

I had a positive experience coming out to my mom.  (I wrote about it on my LJ: http://ilanthefirst.livejournal.com/6861.html.)  Basically, she's known I wasn't a girl for a while and just wanted to tell me she was cool with that, so I was spared the stress of planning to come out.

And I also (sort of) came out with respect to sexuality before I came out with respect to gender.  My family assumed since I was a little kid that I was a lesbian because of my gender expression, so I came out as straight when I started having feelings for boys.  They didn't believe me and basically dismissed it completely until I got into a long-term relationship with a guy.  And then I realized I could like girls after all and was pansexual, but I didn't bother officially coming out over it, let alone announcing that I'm mostly gay anyway due to being masculine-identified with an attraction for other masculine people. . .