Emotional bullsh:t, or: Boyfriend trouble

[PixieBoy]

Yeah... Ze BF and I are together again.

He said the day before yesterday that the only thing that was "guy" about me was that I sometimes looked vaguely boyish.
Then, he said that it seemed like I wanted to "cheat the universe" and become genderless. I told him that that wasn't the case, and told him about beard dreams and everything.
He gave me these "man rules":
1. Stop whining, stop being emotional.
2. Use more physical violence, apparantly this is how men settle disputes.
3. Never say no to sex unless the Superbowl is on.
Then, he said that he had to call me a girl and think of me as a girl to see me as sexy.
Is it DTMFA time yet? Should I? Have I got the reasons to do it?

[tekla]

Let's put it this way ...like a BOSS!! doesn't refer to you if others are telling you what to do.  And real men don't use violence, that's the last resort of the incompetent or the desperate.  The best real guys know how to settle disputes without you even knowing they are doing it.

[pixiegirl]

At this stage... umm my instinct would be to
1) Declare every day superbowl day
and then point out how that doesn't matter to him anyway because
2) *chairshot*

But seriously, He doesn't seem to understand, or want to try to, or even care about it past how it's screwing with what he wants, when it comes to your gender issues. None of that is good, none of it leads to you being happy or being able to properly figure yourself out in the long run, short run, medium run. Ever, basically. Walk away.

And ignore everything he's ever said about being male that you've put up here. Its the equivalent of 'girls like dolls and ponies cos they're girls, durrrr' version of being a guy

[jmaxley]

Walk away.

Got to second that.  Doesn't sound like a healthy situation.

[PixieBoy]

Ok, I will. Thanks, everyone.

I knwo I'm crap at feelings, it means a lot to me to have you people help me deciphering everything like that.

Thanks again.

[tekla]

Stop whining

I have to think that good advice for anyone, and everyone.

[insideontheoutside]

I also say it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.

[tekla]

3. Never say no to sex unless the Superbowl is on.

Sounds like a wuss.  Real Guys® know the best football games are the 4 divisional play-off games that go down weeks before the Superbowl - which often sucks.  That, and the Superbowl is only there to have something to watch between the World Series and the start of Spring Training.

[PixieBoy]

We're having a fight atm. Pretty interesting sh:t.

"The nature of being a man is being in constant dread of another restraining order." -quote from him.

Lovely, ain't he?

[tekla]

He is going to be violent with you.  He's done everything but schedule the day to start smacking you around.   He's going to say 'It's for your own good', or tell you 'he's helping you be a man' and once he gets started, it don't stop. We know if he's joking about restraining orders, he's not only a loser, he's also too stupid to know when he's lost.

[SnailPace]

Hey, so I don't really know your history with this guy, but it sounds like you have broken up before.  A rule of thumb I usually go by: If you've broken up before, there was probably a good reason.  Listen to your intuition!

I know that letting someone go can be hard.  Even ->-bleeped-<-s, and believe me that this guy is an ->-bleeped-<-.  You need to leave.

From only a few posts from you I've learned:
-He's closed-minded
-Sexist
-He will not be supportive of you going through social or physical transition
-He thinks that any guy who isn't exactly like him (or how he'd like to be) isn't a real man
-Thinks that violence is a valid way to solve disputes
-Overall just a total jerkface

I've dated jerks before, there is no "curing" them.  You just have to leave and wait for them to become nothing but a funny story to your future self.  Think about what a long-term relationship would be like with a closed-minded, sexist, violent person.  Sounds like a recipe for domestic abuse to me.

[Samson99]

You deserve a lot better. You need someone who will help you to grow and learn about yourself. It isn't fair to you to let him treat you like this. Do yourself a favor and kick him to the curb.

[pixiegirl]

"The nature of being a man is being in constant dread of another restraining order." -quote from him.

Well you could make that dread a little less....existential.. for him. 

But please, cut the ties. I only know him from what you've said of him which = manipulative emotionally blackmailing and stunted douche with a violence complex. You shouldn't have that in your life, even for love.

[lilacwoman]

young people see partners as practice to be used and dumped as soon as something better comes along.  dump him and look for something better.

[Aegir]

Get rid of him and hope he gets hit by a bus. [deleted] his ->-bleeped-<-.

[justmeinoz]

basically everything that has been said here boils down to two concepts-
1. he is potentially violent danger
2. leave now.

There is no excusing violence, and it sounds like he hasn't the wit to appreciate that a real man knows how to restrain himself.

[xAndrewx]

Man, do what you want. But if I were you I would leave him Partners are supposed to make you happy not make you upset and question yourself. He doesn't deserve you and from the way he sounds from your other posts he sounds like he needs to be single until he can learn how to stop being a judgmental *ss and treat a person right. 

[FebruaryFalls]

I said it in the last thread and I'll say it again, dump him

[Theo]

Ironic that you come across as a better man than he's currently capable of being. You want an adult partner not a child that you have to teach how to be a decent man. No point you being with him I think.

[Sharky]

If you're not enjoying the relationship, end it. He sounds like dead weight to me.