May as well break the ice I guess. I'm Victor, a 22 year old who is honestly just beginning this journey after debating with myself for 5 years about it and realizing that, sadly, the problem ain't gonna fix itself. I tend to be kind nervous when just joining forums so bear with me. I was born female, but even from a young age rejected feminine activities, preferring to play in the mud and climb trees over any of those indoor activities that my parents, mostly my father, tried to shove on me. I've always been rather masculine in thought and even mannerisms ever since youth, just didn't fully realize it until later, I'll spare you the high school story as I'm sure ya'll have heard those enough.
Anyways, then I moved out of my father's home at age 17, being away from his influence (more like failed control but eh) and actually having access to information without him tearing up anything that wasn't "normal", I discovered what transgendered people were, I had not even known they existed before then due to never being able to leave the house besides school, but anyways, I started researching, mostly curious, and noticed something, that reading up on it, on studies, on experiences from the transgendered community, some of the articles made sense to me, the feelings of things not quite being right, of feeling trapped in a body that doesn't suit the mind, stuff like that, so I began contemplating, because, in truth, I have always hated my body, I mean, for a female body it's nice, got a good shape, tall, long legged, I've always found my body attractive, but not for me. I had always tried working out, weight lifting, when I was younger and even today. I've always been obsessed with having some muscle to me and always prided myself on being physically stronger than a good many people, always obsessed over the fact I have naturally strong and broad shoulders, always was proud of my height, which I stand at 6'1" yet still wouldn't have minded being taller, even to the point of being proud of my scars and making sure clothing I wear shows them, but that's something that stuck out in my mind, the parts of myself I liked, what I valued about my body weren't things that people valued in women, they were my more masculine aspects because, to me, those aspects suited me, the rest didn't.
I put such thoughts in the back of my mind for a while, or tried to at least though they don't always stay there, I've more or less been debating with myself since then, seeing just how well I could be accepted as me without surgery because, first off me and needles don't get along and second off, I know surgery is expensive, but all trying did was get me called a butch or lesbian, I'm not a lesbian, being called one has ticked me off so many times, I'm not a female mind trying to act male, my mind is male and I just wanted to be treated like one, treated as I felt I belonged, even being treated as gender neutral would have been acceptable, anything but being treated like a woman because that's not me, it's my body, not me. Because of this, because people have mostly refused to accept me for who I am and not what's on my chest, I've more or less ended up friendless, a shut in because I can't stand not being seen for who I am, thankfully my roommate, who's admittedly my ex, does understand and respects me for who I am and how I feel, but the funny thing there is that, come to find out, she's MTF herself, I didn't know this when we got together as she still tried to fit in as a he back then, we still can't get over the chances of that, its kinda funny when ya think about it but then again maybe that's why we ended up drawn to each other, she made for a very feminine male which is what I'm attracted to (always been attracted to masculine women, androgynous minded people and feminine males, maybe that's odd to people but hey, that's just what I like.) So I do have her support, just as she has mine. I recently broke the news to my mother's side of the family, I was actually surprised when they said they're completely fine with it, so long as I'm happy with who I am because it's only the body changing, not the mind, my mother even asked what took me so long, so it seems she was expecting this, can't even begin to say how much of a relief that was! My father's side of the family (parents are divorced) doesn't know yet, but I already know how they'll react, they did everything they could to force me into being female because that's how I was born physically and knowing their personalities I know they'll reject me outright, but that side of my family doesn't matter to me, they never did accept me for who I was to begin with and, well, the scars they gave me as a testament to their views on anyone different, so eh, long as my mom's side of the family is cool with it, that's enough for me.
Anyways, this thing's getting long, so much for the concept of a short overview! It comes down to the fact that after debating with myself for so long, trying other ways to feel completely comfortable and be accepted for who I am, it comes down to this option, I already have a therapist lined up, was lucky to find one in my area, lucky I have a pretty androgynous face so that'll help me a lot, make things a lot easier in the long run, so will having a naturally slightly deeper voice than most women so that's good, and, well, the whole 'living as male' thing they require people to do here won't be very hard for me anyways, I ended up doing near that without realizing I was anyways, though I currently live in a more gender neutral way, more less the only thing that'll be changing when it comes to lifestyle is what pronouns others use to refer to me, I already refer to myself in gender neutral terms (one's, their, etc) since I never really liked referring to myself as 'she' to begin with. . .and I'm rambling, ok then.
Anyways, hi ya'll.
