I feel male. Am I transgender?

[deeedoo]

I have Autism, so if I accidentally shock you or hurt your feelings I didn't mean to and I am sorry. just tell me what I did and I will stop.

I used to identify as androgynous because sometimes I felt a strong urge to be male and sometimes I felt okay with being female. My male feelings are increasing. I often get very angry that I was not born male, especially when people call me a girl. When I started puberty, I refused to wear a bra for a long time. I talked to my middle school classmates about wanting to cut my breasts off. I also used to fantasize about being able to turn male whenever I wanted. I want to pee standing up, and I want to be strong and to not cry. I want to get on top of gay men and have sex with them with a penis, and I want to have sex with women with a penis.

Here's the problem: my girlfriend is transgender, and she came out first. My mom thinks I'm just trying to be like her. I try to tell her that I felt the feelings before I met her, but she doesn't believe me. To make things worse, my girlfriend and I were recently in a suicide attempt together, and my parents don't want anything to do with her. I also would have sex with her with her penis because it felt good, and I hear that transgender people don't feel good when they use their "given" organs for sex. Also, my girlfriend thinks I am both male and female, and she wants me to stay with my body, possibly getting testosterone later. I want to have a kid, too, and I want it to have my DNA. I'm not sure how I feel about being pregnant, though. I sometimes wish I could make a woman pregnant.

I am debating whether or not to talk to my psychologist more about this. She is talking to me because of my Autism, not my male feelings, but she has done work with transgender people before. I don't know if she would take me seriously, or if I even need to talk about it because I might be female. Do you have any ideas?

[Samson99]

Just putting this out there, if it is on your mind, don't downgrade it. It's real if you've been pondering it, and if for some reason you wake up one day and don't think you are anymore, that's okay too. It's worth bringing up in my opinion. It would probably be helpful since you said your psychologist has worked with transgendered people before.

[deeedoo]

I forgot to mention that I feel insecure when people are hairier than me and I refuse to shave my legs or armpits.

Thanks for advice.

[spacial]

I also would have sex with her with her penis because it felt good, and I hear that transgender people don't feel good when they use their "given" organs for sex.

No, that is not the case.

People do whatever they enjoy. If it feels good, (and it isn't hurting anyone), do it.

It all about exploring who you are and your feelings.

You big problem is how to deal with your parents and their attitude to your girl friend.

They got a bad shock when you both tried to hurt yourselves.

You both need to make them understand that you both regret that and won't be doing it again.

[xAndrewx]

Man if you can talk to your psychologist it's probably a good idea to do so. There is no rush in figuring out who you are so go for it. Try to figure out what makes you happy and read threads on here. It sounds like you have some misinformation. Such as that if

I also would have sex with her with her penis because it felt good, and I hear that transgender people don't feel good when they use their "given" organs for sex. Also, my girlfriend thinks I am both male and female, and she wants me to stay with my body, possibly getting testosterone later.

Like spacial said some trans people do that, doesn't make them any less trans. That's great that she is there to be with you and help you out. She could be right, you might be... I think the term is bi-gendered? I'd never heard it until I joined the site so someone correct me if I'm wrong. Or maybe you are androgynous. At any rate, welcome to Susans man. I look forward to reading your future posts.

[deeedoo]

Thanks. I will definitely talk to my psychologist about it tomorrow. I used to be on Laura's Playground, but I can't anymore because my girlfriend's on it and it would make my parents think I'm trying to contact her. Thanks for the support. I will post more.

[Nero]

I forgot to mention that I feel insecure when people are hairier than me and I refuse to shave my legs or armpits.

Thanks for advice.

I used to be like that too. 

And as spacial mentioned, how you have sex has nothing to do with being trans.
Talking to your psychologist is a good idea.

[alia]

->-bleeped-<- is generally considered a self-diagnosed condition. No one can tell you that you are transgender- it is something that you realize on your own. This condition can exist in human beings concurrently with all sorts of other human brain conditions, such as bipolar disorder, autism, aspergers syndrome, just like cis, hetero, homo and trans identities can.

[deeedoo]

Thanks, everyone. I talked to my psychologist yesterday. I've told her before about feeling male, but I've never talked at length about it. We decided that I should do a real life test to see if I would be happier as a male. If I am, I can look into hormones. Does anyone know any voice deepening techniques?

[deeedoo]

My dad recently told me that he won't let me get hormones ever until I'm eighteen. My mom doesn't seem supportive either. He says that he thinks people my age are too young to make life-changing decisions. I think he's wrong; I'm deciding where to go to college, aren't I? Also, aren't there reversible hormones that I can start with? Still, it makes sense that he would be worried since my girlfriend went on hormones and then we tried to kill ourselves. I'm worried that I'll get stuck with a female body forever, though.

[spacial]

deeedoo

Yeah, it's a pain and one which quite a number here have had to deal with.

But, at least he says you can have them at 18, which is positive.

Then, there's always Susans'/

[cynthialee]

Here's the problem: my girlfriend is transgender, and she came out first. My mom thinks I'm just trying to be like her. I try to tell her that I felt the feelings before I met her, but she doesn't believe me.

Sevan had this issue. Hir mom, friends and our therapist all believed this about hir at first.
I know better though.  Sevan shared with me hir transgender feelings many years before either of us came out.
Sevan just had to stick to hir guns and I had to back hir up that ze was not copying me.
Yes ze was reacting to my transition. Kinda hard to watch someone see their goals to fruition when one has similar goals.....

[deeedoo]

HELP I tried to talk to my mom so I could feel better, but she got mad at me. She kept saying it's crap and that I just picked this out as a way to express my feelings of being different. She also said that I would alienate myself from her if I continued to pursue it. This is bad because for the Christmas break I'm going to be at her house, and I have to get my binder and my cologne. I think what she really wants is a daughter. I'm scared she'll disown me and not let me see my three-year-old brother anymore.
She says that she has no faith in psychologists right now because my girlfriend and I tried to kill ourselves and because she thinks my girlfriend was misdiagnosed as transgender. I tried to tell her that it was my fault the psychologists didn't stop me because I lied to them, but she got angrier and eventually hung up. I want my mom to love me.

[spacial]

To be quite honest deeedoo, in your situation I would avoid an argument with your mom.

You want to express yourself. That's good and fine. But your mom is resisting it and getting angry.

It's my experience and I'm sure, others, that in these situations, it is better to take things slowly. Give your mom all the time she needs to get the ideas into her own head.

Arguing with her isn't going to achieve anything.

[MsDoolittle]

My dad recently told me that he won't let me get hormones ever until I'm eighteen. My mom doesn't seem supportive either. He says that he thinks people my age are too young to make life-changing decisions. I think he's wrong; I'm deciding where to go to college, aren't I? Also, aren't there reversible hormones that I can start with? Still, it makes sense that he would be worried since my girlfriend went on hormones and then we tried to kill ourselves. I'm worried that I'll get stuck with a female body forever, though.

Bare in mind that some people find out that they were wrong about themselves after they went through several surgeries ... ! Insofar, your parents are both, right and not right. You are right with not waiting longer than needed. However, transitioning to male is not as problematic after puberty as transitioning to female "too late". You wont have any after your puperty that is "irreversable" or more difficult to work out, as it is the case with men. I advise you not to over-rush in transitioning. You have enough time to make your mind up about this step and get familiar with the male role.

[VeryGnawty]

I want my mom to love me.

You can live for others and have no self, or you can live for yourself at the judgment of society.  It is rare that anyone can have both.  You have to make a decision on what is more important to you:  do you want to be male, or do you want to keep the boat of life on steady waters?  Because if you transition and your parents are against, you will have to be rocking the boat.