A lot has changed recently, including the start of a new relationship with an amazing guy whom I love completely. We've gotten extremely close, and have made love twice now =] He makes me feel so feminine and beautiful and has treated me wonderfully. That's not to say there have not been tears, I am after all a huge confusing ball of emotion, and it takes so little to send me to my bedroom to cry on my bed like a little girl.
Overall, I feel completely blessed with the relative ease of my transition; most of the people I know have been extremely supportive and accepting, and even more of them are starting to come around. I have a guy I adore who treats me as nothing less than the most amazing and beautiful woman in the world. Even my EX and our son are on board and supportive.
I posted awhile back that I was coming out full time and that work was behind me. Well that was true, but my punctuality there has been a consistent problem for years and I have been given chances and warnings multiple times. All I can say for myself is that I really just did not want to be there any more. I had been there for going on 8 years and wasn't making enough to support myself. There was nowhere to grow into, no way for me to advance and better myself. They have no benefits and with such low pay I could be there mym whole life and have nothing to show for the hard work... and it was definitely very hard work that I couldn't have kept up with. Add to that the hostility and negativity and constant back-stabbing, and it just wasn't a very nice place to be all day. By friday each week I was ready to either commit homicide or hang myself. So my disappointment and lack of faith in my job combined with what I was already dealing with made me a pretty miserable person. I was beginning to have outbursts; yelling, slamming things, throwing things. Anyway, they ended up letting me go Monday the 20th.
I was SO relieved to hear that I was being let go. It was like the last of the negativity in my life was lifted from my shoulders and I was absolutely elated as I collected my things and left with a smile on my face =] I didn't even say goodbye to any of the guys I had worked with for all those years. They were horribly negative miserable people and I was happy to get away from them. From the moment I walked out the door, I decided I was not waiting to go "full time." From that moment I was April. I drove home nearly giggling. I felt renewed and full of hope for the future.
That night I went to the mall and had my nails done with a full set of acrylic tips for the first time! I walked through the busy mall, confident and feeling beautiful. =]
The next day, Tuesday, I saw my therapist and gave her the news. She asked what that meant for my transition, and I told her that nothing had changed. I said I was full time as soon as I left, and nothing is changing that. Without missing a beat, she says "I'll get your letter to your Doctor this week." I haven't even been seeing her for a full three months.
The next day I got my bloodwork done (4 VIALS, I nearly died!) and then dyed my hair a nice deep bronzed brown. I tweezed my eyebrows for the first time in decades, and now I look and feel so much better. I applied for unemployment benefits AND public assistance, and I'm considering continuing my education and take some classes in IT.
Last night I presented myself to my family for the first time in full-on girl mode for X-mas eve's gift exchange. It was awkward at first, but by the time I left I felt very good about things. I think I am going to be ok. =]
My name change becomes official January 5th, and I can't wait. I'm just feeling so incredibly blessed and full of love, happiness, and hope... I had to share =]
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! <3
~April Dawne~
