Painful, hurtful words from mom

[FlightyBrood]

I just...Really need help dealing with this right now. The pain is immense. I'm feeling completely terrible and lost in a dramatic blind self-loathing. I don't know what to do.

Today was supposed to be a good day. I was to hang out with a good friend, and I did and it was fun. But the morning? Pain.

I was watching my current favorite TV show, Supernatural, with my mother. I commented on how cute Adam Winchester is. My mother said "Well, if you were a girl you could date him." Finally, I thought she was accepting my transition! The most important person in my life's acceptance! So I replied "Well, what if he's gay!"

And then the pain. the most painful thing anyone could say. My very own mother said:

"Well, then he won't like you anyways."

Thank You, Mother. It's good to know I'll always be screwed up.

[Tad]

don't worry about it. I doubt she was trying to be mean, moms just say.. odd things at times.

[Radar]

Despite how much people say words shouldn't hurt you they do. People who think otherwise are fools.

Though I'm not having this issue with family I'm dealing with hurtful words and situations at work, so I feel your pain. Still, family means more than co-workers. Co-workers you can leave behind after you switch employers. Family will always family, whether they're in your life or not.

[Andy]

Say, Why you would you say something as hurtful as that to me?

I swear, it's hard not to be bothered by it, but you have to call people on their BS and stand up for yourself. She should be the one squirming and feeling like, oops, what did I do...not YOU.

[FlightyBrood]

Well, I did ask her that.  I let her know that it was hurtful that she said those things, and she looked at me and said "No, it's not hurtful." When I said that yes, it was indeed, she insisted that it was not.

I love my mom, she's everything to me and I've let her know that...Why doesn't she accept me??

[Samson99]

I think parents resort to those cruel words when they feel desperate to get their point across to one of their children. I've had that happen to me, and it feels awful. I'm so sorry that it happened to you.

I doubt she means it.

In fact, I bet she's worried because you could engage yourself in a male/male relationship, and she's having a hard time dealing with it.

She has the problem, not you. And hopefully, she'll get over it.

[Andy]

Hurt is in the eye of the beholder, just like bullying. If you feel bullied, you WERE bullied. It is not up to another to decide (especially the actual bullier).

Same goes for hurtful words. You tell your mom, it IS hurtful, and who is she to decide what your level of pain is or how you feel about what you are going through?

I agree with Samson, it's her problem. But, if it's at all possible that maybe she might see how she is wrong, then it's at least worth trying to enlighten her.

It's not up to her to decide how you feel, and you feel hurt. She probably doesn't mean it, as people are saying, but still, it's not right that she doesn't understand how she is hurting her child.


Some people make me so mad!

[insideontheoutside]

I think the thing to remember is that your mom probably feels like you're hurting her - like she probably just wants a "normal" (her definition of) kid and then she sees you as not normal and that hurts her as well. Some people when they're feeling hurt will say hurtful things without thinking about how those might effect someone else. It's very psychological, really.

Most parents really do love their children. They gave birth to them, they cared for them and nurtured them. All along they have this perfect ideal of what their child should be. Some parents are much more accepting of their child's choices. They are able to "let go", so to speak and be secure in the knowledge that they imparted wisdom and guided their child to make the best decisions they could in life. But some see their child "straying" from their perfect ideal and this hurts them. Those that do that are usually less equipped to let go - to be accepting of their child's choices.

I hope that makes sense!

Just hang in there, dude.