Butting heads with roommate. If I transition, I get kicked out. >___<

[Donnie]

I moved out one month after I turned 18, because my parents were not accepting of me being gay when I came out to them as such. They made gay jokes a lot, put me in bible studies so I could learn being gay is a sin, and things like that. I've always been a tomboy, and wore boys clothes if I could help it. I stopped wearing dresses and skirts almost as soon I was allowed to dress myself. I have always tried to be private, but it would seem Mum figured out what types of sites I was visiting online, she also knows about me wearing a binder instead of a bra. She started making comments about me being male, and not nice ones either. Its just.... I couldn't live there anymore. It was depressing me. So I moved out.

My roommate attends the same church as me. We are pretty good friends. She is also my boss. She knows about my attraction to both males and females, but does not believe me gay. Its just. We are awesome friends and get along swell accept for my orientation and the gender issues. I've talked with her lightly about me not wanting to be female, but she just does not understand. I sleep in the same room as her, on a futon. She has stated that if I were to go ahead and transition, she would always see me as female, but would still have to treat me as male, and I would not be allowed to sleep in her room. But since I am still female, I can't sleep downstairs either with her male house guest. A mutual friend of ours, who is like a brother to me. So she would have to kick me out. She is also my boss, and I fear she would fire me at the same time. I'm only able to work like one day a week right now so I have not been able to make enough to save up in case she did fire me, plus she is my transportation to places. I would lose that as well.

That means if I transition, its either go back to my parents and face depression again, something I do not wish to do at all. Or be homeless. Which I figure I can find a shelter to go to for a while. I am still young enough to attend a youth one, so that opens up more options. But it shouldn't have to be like this! I've never been a lazy person, I enjoy hard work. I enjoy keeping busy, and helping others out. But yet I am now facing being kicked out for trying to be myself! It's really not fair and making me quite tired of everything. I've found myself asking, "whats the point," more and more often. Just. Ugh. Life sucks. >__<

And to top it all off....I'm ->-bleeped-<-ing bleeding right now. I hate being female >__>
/rant

[Robert Scott]

Donnie

Sorry to hear your in a tough space...it is hard to be young but sure of yourself and want to transition. 

I suggest you contact the local GBLT organization and/or the transgender organization.  I know here in the twin cities we have a program for youth just like you ... it's a foster home system for glbt kids whose parents don't accept them.  They provide with a home and help you get so you can be on your own.

[Arch]

Definitely get in touch with your local LGBT organization and find out how they might be able to help you.

I guess I don't need to point out that mixing personal life with work life (especially where your boss is concerned) can be very tricky. I don't recommend it. If you can, start looking for other work opportunities so that you can quit your present job and find a new living situation. Or you might be able to have two part-time jobs and move out. If you can, keep the trans issue very low key until you get your ducks in a row.

It's hard to transition when your life is so unstable, but some of us get to the point where we have to, no matter what. What is your transition timetable? If you're not planning to start T anytime soon, then that gives you some breathing room. How are you doing emotionally? Are you seeing a therapist? Will you be getting T through informed consent or by way of a therapist's letter?

I would start making lists, too--problems and fears you face, advantages and assets that you have, things that need to happen for you to take the next step. If you have large, scary tasks, break them down into small, manageable steps.

It sounds like you're a very resourceful young man--you were able to leave your parents, find a part-time job, and get into a living situation that isn't too bad--but now maybe it's time to start looking into other possibilities.

[spacial]

Until you can get some intelegent and reasonable support, it might be best to wait.

I know it's a pain, but being homeless is worse.

I have to say, as others have, these people you're with sound really terrible. I'm so sorry for you.

But please, take care and don't be rash. Sharing a room with a guy, even one whom you think of as a brother, is not a good idea. Actually, that suggestion is what's made me think this woman is a jerk.

[Miniar]

Like you said, you're young.
You still have time.

Plan, Organize, Execute.

If you can not transition where you are, and you can not transition in the one other place you could be "as is", then the obvious solution is to work on changing the situation so that you "can" transition.

It may not even take as long as you think it will, if you just buckle down and "do".

[VeryGnawty]

Plan, Organize, Execute.

^^
This.  Lots and lots of this.  Transgendered individuals already have so much stacked against them in life, they need every single advantage they can get.  Look for every possible solution to a problem, and choose the ones which are most practical.

For example, I find it extremely unlikely that my parents will kick me out of the house when I finally tell them I intend to become female.  But I have considered a very small chance that it could happen.  I already have a planned course of action if that happens.

Actually, I'm quite the tactician.  I plan for just about everything.  I've only ever had three people in my immediate life I could talk to about gender issues, and only two of them ever really accepted that I think of myself as female.  The other guy would probably be indifferent, but I never pressed the issue.  Most other people I know have very provincial views of gender, and I doubt they would take kindly to me rocking their boat.  This general lack of acceptance has made me feel like some kind of prey animal most of my life.

I'm a very complicated person who comes up with very simple solutions.  I believe that the solution to being the prey is to become the predator.  I am malevolently informed about my potential opposition, while they are blissfully ignorant about the forces I have enacted to get what I want despite how overwhelming the opposition may seem.  I'm like the lioness who calculates every single move.

[Robert Scott]

Another thought I had was if you are only able to work one day a week is that b/c your in school?

If so ... talk to your school counselors if you in high school.  They might be able to get you some resources that you don't know exists...they have training & experiences to deal with homesless youth

If your in college ... look to living in the dorm..talk to your housing department. 

Don't give up hope!  You can do it ... and you will be stonger for doing it.  Nobody should have control over your life but you.  Do what you need to do!

[Donnie]

Thanks for the replies and advice guys.

No, I'm not in school right now. I only work one day a week because that's all the work I can find right now. So, neither of those options work, thanks though.

No need to bash my friend at all. Regardless of how she feel about the transgender issue, she is still my friend. I ask that you would respect that fact and respect her. She did not recommend  that I share a room with the friend, in fact it was my idea. It was her that said no, because she can't treat me as either fully male or female.

Also, I live in Orlando. The third worst city in the nation to be looking for a job. I've been applying many places, but I've not yet been called back anywhere. It sucks.

[xAndrewx]

You could try Disney and Universal. The bus ride sucks but it's a job. Also try going to the glbt center. They have trans groups the first 3 Tuesdays of every month, great way to make friends. www.glbcc.org Lots of awesome people there. Also maybe try taking a look at snagajob.com if you haven't already because they have a good list of people looking for employees.