I am generally not a person that believes that I should come above others, It's really hard for me to and if others get hurt because of me putting my interests above theirs, I feel really guilty and its hard on me.
So naturally I have these feelings that I'm being selfish if I transition and I "kill my parent's son" and I "kill my dad's family's firstborn son" and I "disappointed my parents and their families" and I "could have helped my mom out if I lived with her and help pay for expenses in order to help her get on her feet" and I "could have helped so many people because of the big organizations that I could have made if I were to have stayed as a male due to my aggressively driven male persona and potential ability to make connections with a lot of people in power" since I graduated in business.
What stopped me from going forward in transitioning 3 years ago was my mom's suggesting that she may commit suicide, which was hard on me and that I couldn't bear being responsible for her death (since then, she's seem less serious, about her threat, but I still feel bad because despite her intolerance of my wishes, that she's the one person I can trust most in my life and rely on (due to disappointments I had with close friends before.)) I dunno, it's hard for me to "be selfish" and deal with feelings of guilt (since I have strong feelings of caring about others, even strangers) and I don't know how to deal with these feelings.
Also, know that I'm half chinese and half spanish, in both cultures the family is important (in Chinese, the honor of the family is important, and there is a strong collectivist nature, and with Spanish, people in the family help each other, and in both, the children do not abandon their parents.) I see hispanic families for instance where even the older children live with their parents and help their parents, and it only makes me feel more guilt of feeling like I'm being selfish.