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DEPRESSED! Losing hope in transitioning...

Started by Sad Girl, December 26, 2010, 11:56:17 AM

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Sad Girl

I've embarked in my journey June 2009 BLINDLY not knowing I'd be REALLY be able to PAY for my operation 1 day or not so much important for me was to start living as female as soon as possible as it was becoming so unbareable to continue as male. I started taking hormones and live as female.

It's more than 1 year now and I'm scared as plans have not gone as it was suppose to. Now I am VERY scared I end up a pre-op my entire life. Am I the only one in this situation? Like who transitioned blindly and now who is not sure whether to be able to complete the transition? I'm feeling very depressed with this penis.

People say I am beautiful, I am more or less passable. Many men say they love me but as soon as I thrash out the truth, I AM DUMPED, DUMPED IN A FRACTION OF SECOND! Can't take it anymore. I wanna have my vagina to be loved. I want to live an active sexual life with men but can't. I NEED TO LIE TO BE ACCEPTED & LOVED!!! I can just kiss them and do oral but always have an excuse not to go any further. Please help me, I need advice. I'm so lost and confused.
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spacial

Hi Sad Girl.

You seem to have two problems here, if I may?.

Firstly, funding. It's a big bill and few of us have th immediate resources to pay that much. But there really is only one route. Cut all non necessary expenditure and save. I so wish there were an easier answer. There isn't. Save every penny. Never spend when you don't absolutely have to. Buy cheap, (but make sure the quality is sufficient), as often as possible.

Save save, save. That is all there is to it. OK, so, you recon, it will take 50 years at your current rate. But experience demonstrates that it won't. Bits will come along. Things will happen. Income will improve for a  while. All the time, that saving will pile up.

The next is your lonliness. It really sucks. You want fmale sex but you can't. You don't have the equipment yet. You will just need to find other ways to find friends and partners. Find other ways to make them happy. Find other outlets. But most importantly, treat each relationship as casual.

If the right person comes along, they will anyway. But in the mean time, you have other priorities, saveing.

One thing I do know is relationships cost.


Addition.

Just read Virginia's post and she made a point that I should have because it is most important.

Never, never give up. Never lose faith in yourself or who you are and never give up.

Thank you Virginia.
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V M

I often get depressed and discouraged because not everything is going as I'd planned... The souring economy and other disappointments have made a mess of my having much chance of saving enough for srs  :-\

I worry that I will never find love at my age and I'm a hopeless romantic... At my age it's more about the companionship than the sex though... Although a lil' good slippery when wet would be nice  >:-)

I decided to transition because it was something I needed to do... I just wish I would have followed my heart at a much younger age

Okay, so I have to make revisions to my plan... But hey, that's life... Most plans are made to be revised

Don't give up... Something will work out

*HUGS*
The main things to remember in life are Love, Kindness, Understanding and Respect - Always make forward progress

Superficial fanny kissing friends are a dime a dozen, a TRUE FRIEND however is PRICELESS


- V M
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CaitJ

Having a vagina won't magically make things better. Be careful about fixating on it as the solution to all your problems - because when it doesn't solve all your problems, you will be even more depressed.
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KillBelle

I worked 3 jobs while in college to save up for mine. It was the worst, horrible, terrible few years of my life. ( i think i only bought 4 outfits in 2005). but it happened, u just need a lot of hope. =[







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Northern Jane

I started working at 13. There wasn't any SRS available then, except REALLY expensive in Europe, but by my mid teens I knew I was going to need $$$ if I was going to survive. Since I am not good at saving money, I bought things that would appreciate in value. At 24 SRS became available and I had just enough.

On the other point, as someone who has been on this side of the fence nearly 37 years I can say with certainty that there is NO CONNECTION between having a vagina and being loved. Being a woman actually complicates things because there are a whole lot of guys who are after sex and they will say or do just about anything to get it. If you happen to be attractive, it just makes it worse because there is an "I did that!" mentality among guys to.

Love is about who you are, the person, and even when you think you are getting close to finding love, your medical background will rear its ugly head. Most (straight) guys will not understand and will drop you like a hot potato but do you really want to go stealth and risk him finding out farther down the road? If you do, I can guarantee he WILL feel betrayed. If you tell him early on then you are always wondering how he sees you, are you really a complete woman in his eyes? It is a complicated issue and it is all stuff you need to think about.

Back in the early 70's when I was working with a fledgling 'gender clinic' one of the questions I proposed asking patients was "If you were going to live the rest of your life on a deserted island and never see another human being, would you still want to go through the expense and pain of surgery?" If the answer is not an unqualified YES, you had better do a LOT more thinking.
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KillBelle

Quote from: Northern Jane on December 26, 2010, 04:53:51 PM
Being a woman actually complicates things because there are a whole lot of guys who are after sex and they will say or do just about anything to get it. If you happen to be attractive, it just makes it worse because there is an "I did that!" mentality among guys to.


This is true, so many guys are just pursuing you for sex. Love is extremely rare, you first have to shift through all the bad apples (and oh there are lots of them). Then you got to go for your standards, is he goodlooking? Is he indpendent? does he make you laugh? is he there for you when you need him the most? does he have previous baggage? Will he just use me for sex? Nothing is worse than having a guy feed you all sorts of wonderful things and then after he gets what he wants...he just bails. ugh
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Sad Girl

Thanks Northern Jane, Vexing, Virginia Marie, spacial and specially you KillBelle, you're so beautiful sis. When I see you I get inspiration to continue further. Thanks sisters, it was so recomforting.  :)

   
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Janet_Girl

Sad Girl,

I also never thought I would make to the other side of the looking glass.  But I am slated to go in just 8 months.  It does happen, Sis.  Don't worry about when just keep your eye on the prize.
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