Err Frustrations!

[azSam]

Where to even start! You'd think that things would get easier as you progress forward. Like hey, I completed a step, now that's one thing out of the way! But I'll be damned if it's that easy.

So I've had a good time. Going full time once and for all. Being happy. Made friends, going out very frequently with them and finally getting out of my shell. But now that I got some of those problems out of my way, some of the other problems that took a step to the side have become much more prevalent.

I'm lonely and it sucks. I've never had a real relationship, been kissed, and needless to say never had sex. This wasn't much of a problem when I was deep into my transition, but now that I'm more comfortable, it's a huge problem. I'm straight, I like guys. How the hell is that supposed to work? Straight, homophobic guys see me as a guy, "oh my god, she has a penis?! KILL IT WITH FIRE!". Gay guys see me as a girl. Transmen are either all taken or gay. I'm super shallow, I am not pan-sexual, I am not even bisexual. I've tried, and I've tried and I've tried. I'm not attracted to women.

I have a sex drive. I want sex. I can't masturbate, I get crazy dysphoric afterward. No idea what to do there.

Haven't gotten laser yet, can't quite afford it.

My license is still that of the old boy I used to masquerade as. And getting awkward stares because of that is never fun.

$500 to get my name changed. Yeah, no comment needed on that one.

No insurance, the costs of things are getting stupidly ridiculous.

I'm sure there's more, I'm just too tired to think of things.

I'm sorry, I hate posting things like this. People have their own problems, and don't need to hear mine. I just needed to vent.

[xAndrewx]

I'm sorry things are going bad for you Samantha. Best suggestion I have is stay busy. I heard we might be getting a group meeting the 4th tuesday of every month so at least that will give you a safe fun space one day a week every week.

*hugs* I'm dealing with the costs issue too and it is a serious pain in the a**. But hey one day you'll get through it all and be able to enjoy the awesomeness of having the world see the person on the outside that finally matches the inside. Just gotta take it one day at a time babe. There is someone out there for you, there has to be because you are an awesome person. Those people who think otherwise are the ones who are bad off, they are missing out on being with a great girl. Good luck with everything gorgeous, hope it all starts getting better soon.

[Double_Rainbow]

Samantha if I could give you a hug right now I would.     You need to something for you right now and feel good about just being who you are.  The sex will come in time...and you have something a lot of people don't have.  Just think how special and good it will feel when you find that man who will be there for you and you can have an intimate, romantic relationship and give yourself up to somebody good!  Not just any ol' guy, but somebody who actually cares about you makes it all the much better. 

[lilacwoman]

try filling a little empty time and life by using online dating services and such.  it gives experience in chatting and even if 99.99% of the people you chat to are wastes of time you might meet a nice person who can overlook the penis.
But if the penis gets excited too easily then you need pills to kill it.

[azSam]

Thanks guys. I'll always take hugs! *Me huggles back!*

I've thought about a dating site. Guess it wouldn't hurt.

Thanks guys, I love you all! I tend to hate posting things like this, cause who really needs to hear about my problems? Everyone has their own. but I really needed to vent. Thanks again guys.

[Melody Maia]

Sorry you are feeling down Samantha. I may be able to give you a hug in person in three weeks or so, but for now a virtual one will have to do. {{}}

[Stephanie.Izann]

I'm sorry that you are going through such a rough time.  I think it's something that regardless of your gender people just go through that. There was a time once where I felt so alone.  I was having issues all over the place (aside from my GID) and it got to be realllllyyyy bad in my head.
I found that the perfect distraction was to donate my time to certain charities.  That took away the constant thoughts of negativity and made me truly appreciate what little I had ( and I had very very little). I could barely feed myself at times, and there I was feeding the poor.
I just kept at it, and eventually, life got better for me.  I must admit I was a little selfish with all of that...it made me feel great about myself and empowered me. It also started several good chain reactions from those around me.
How did that affect me on other levels?  As I said, it made me feel great inside and that seemed to permeate to other parameters of my life.
Eventually, I found someone. We married (yes, she knew about me). And I live a very happy life.  Money is still not abundant, but the love seems to over power that. 
I wish you the very best in all your endeavors. You've made it this far. YOU will make it through.
HUGS,
Stephie

[Debra]

This may or may not be helpful..not meant to be vulgar at all or anything..

On the subject of masturbation, I've found that it's physically painful to do so the "old way" and of course dysphoric....but if it's tucked (which it almost always is anyway) and I rub it, it's more like rubbing the female part that should be there and is much less dysphoric and also I don't experience the pain.

[Janet_Girl]

This may or may not be helpful..not meant to be vulgar at all or anything..

On the subject of masturbation, I've found that it's physically painful to do so the "old way" and of course dysphoric....but if it's tucked (which it almost always is anyway) and I rub it, it's more like rubbing the female part that should be there and is much less dysphoric and also I don't experience the pain.

Yep.  And the pillow is never the same again.  I tried some of the dating sites and they are a mixed bag of reviews.

[KillBelle]

I'm sorry to hear that, it is ok to vent...everyone has to eventually. that is why we're all here.
I wouldnt have been able to handle going through my breakup if it wasnt for everybody here that was able to wish me well and give me all those e-hugs. Everyone has daily difficulties and its nice to know that each one of us is not alone.

[annette]

Hi Samantha

I'm sorry to hear that you're down a bit.
Don't bother about venting your problems, that's what we do so once in a while and you got friends to help you,  sometimes with a good advice, sometimes with encouraging words and sometimes with an e-hug.
I know, it won't solve your problems at once, but knowing not being alone can help sometimes.
Is there any possibility you can get an insurrance, I don't  know how it works in the us, but if you are working or you are very young with the insurrance of your parents?
When you have an insurrance for healthcosts you can make progress a bit faster.
I know what it is to be waiting till your life can start the way you want and that it takes too long, I know, really I know, but you have to persist in your believe, never, never, never give up and one day you'll be there where you want to be.
It's not much of an advice I can give you but I'll hope that I can make some words of encouracing to go on with what you're doing.
and the e-hugs?

here is a big one for a very brave girl named Samantha.

hugs
annette