Often when we do not see the good in life anymore, others can still see it fine. Trying times have a way of making things seem hopeless right before they get better, I think the old saying is "It's always darkest before the dawn." If you've been strong enough to make it this far then there's no reason to give up now, it would be a shame to turn back after all the effort you've put it, according to that ticker in your sig you have top surgery soon, that's something to look forward to, isn't it? One of the goals you've been working towards? A step closer to being happy, so obviously there's some light still there. I don't know what's causing you these feelings but I have no doubt that they are complex, maybe even confusing and scary, but you've already made progress, that is proof that your efforts, everything you're going through, your time is bringing you closer to your goals and to what you need to be happy. Depression and sadness, even hopelessness are temporary inflictions, please have the strength to withstand this temporary issue, there's still a lot left in life, even though I don't know you, I know you're a human being, thus I know there's still a lot in life, it's just a universal fact even if it doesn't seem that way right now.
Hold on, you can make it through whatever challenge you may be facing, you just have to try and believe you can, just look at how far you've come already, that in and of itself is a testament to what you are capable of surviving and overcoming. I wish I could be of more help, but I'll not ask details as I know you do not know me, thus I will not ask you to share the details of the situation. Just know that I can understand how bleak things can look sometimes, you just have to work through it, find the strength that has gotten you this far and pull from that, ya can do it, after all, you didn't come all this way to give up now, there's no reason to throw in the towel. I hope you can get through it, though I'm sure I'm not the only one here with that hope.
