coming out to 20+ people?

[Layn]

hi! ... i get the feeling i already made a topic about practically the same thing before

i was getting the idea of going fulltime for my second semester at this uni (sooo, in 3 months). AFAIK that means changing whatever records i manage to change at uni and best to tell those professors which i'll have again.
of course that also means coming out to the 22 people in my semester, specially since we're all friends and do a lot of stuff together. i probably should start with those who are closer to me, that would narrow it down to abouuuut ... 15. Although none of them so close that i'd trust them with this secret of mine before absolutely necessary.

so, how do i go about it? im not sure how many of them feel about GLBT, but i do know that one guy is with his family in this religious group thing that believes that everyone else is evil and gay people are just sick and curable and then theres the other guy who's just a jerk.
do i just go at one of the times we're together (more or less, we aren't always all together of course) "remember that costume party, where you commented that i could pass as a woman? that's good, because i am one and i'm going to start going to live as one during the holidays". Dunno, i always hate interrupting a good mood with something serious. i really  have no idea how to bring this up.
The "message on our forum" way seems easy, and if i word it right and have everything inside, i don't have to worry that people go and assume wrong things (of course they will, they always do) before i get to correct them. but then again the suspense of how people will react might kill me.
of course i might just not tell anyone anything and just appear fully dressed as a woman on the first day back and let events unfold! How could that ever go wrong?

well apart from that, i'll have to go tell my parents that when i come for the next holidays i'll definitely start dressing as a woman first at home and then outside too. Somehow every time i talk about transsexual stuff with my parents, it feels like i'm coming out all over again.

[Sianna]

Hi Layn,

you are from good ol' Germany too? I think i remember something like that from one of your previous posts... in that case i save myself the torture of translating for a later post or a pm

I came out to my friends one at a time. This way you can control the situation better. More people means the possibility that things "get out of hand". Also, i came out first to those i was sure to be accepting (i was still nervous like hell ) They will be on your side later when you tell others which means a huge support.

Alexandra

[Layn]

weeell, i'm not from germany, but i do live there!

the problem is that i just don't know how they stand towards transsexuality. i think some of them are okay with it, but i'm honestly not sure nor do i know yet who to tell first and even how. i do have some time still, who knows, maybe i'll be able to direct a conversation to something that might give me a clue.

[Sianna]

Well, you'll never really know before you tell them. It takes a lot of courage and faith in your friends. What i knew was that none ever said something rude against gay people just because the are gay, so i figured they could be ok with transsexuality. Also, no one had a clue about me. I never tried to find out what the think about transgendered people. I thought it would be to obvious...

All i knew was that they are my friends, and they like me for the person i am. There is no other way than to trust your friends and take a leap of faith. Your true friends will catch you, no matter who or what you are.

How to tell them? You will know, when you tell them. You will forget everything you wanted to say, but you will find the right words and they will listen and understand.

(Ich hab mir den Kopf zerbrochen, was ich sagen würde, und was sie vielleicht antworten würden, aber wenn es dann soweit war, habe ich das alles vergessen und einfach drauf losgeredet. Und bis jetzt hat jeder verstanden, was ich ihnen sagen wollte. -Cannot possibly translate that, sorry.)

Also,  ask your friends to keep it a secret till you are out to most. You don't want to be the gossip of the week and your friends might get a wrong first impression...

[pebbles]

You could do what I did in this regard tell like 4 people around you and mention it's no secret and just go full-time randomly when pepole start asking questions tell them but most of them will ask your friends not wanting to hurt your feelings and they will find out that way.

[Layn]

thanks
i just don't know if i trust my friends that much. heck, i've only known them for a few months.

i'm less worried about how to tell them (i rarely prepare a full thought out presentation, i just try to be confident in my knowledge about the topics) but more how do i even bring it up. It's not like the "Right Moment"™ will just pop up. and if it does it will be so unexpected that i might not seize it (well, i did with my brother, but ... exception to the rule and all)

telling a couple of friends and then just go sounds like a nice way to come out

[sweetie87]

When I transitioned in college I had to come out to a large group of people as well, so I will share you my experiences. After my traineeship ended I went fulltime and told my close friends from college beforehand. My best friend (female) responded very well and together we wrote a letter explaining the 'whole situation' and we e-mailed it to classmates. This way everyone was informed when the new semester started after the traineeship. I also talked to my mentor about it and he decided during the first lesson of me being a girl he would devote some time to the whole matter also as a way to prevent gossip and have questions answered. Most have responded very well, just a few didn't and I thought of it as their problem. I just didn't pay much attention to the jerks... In the end things worked very well for me this way. Good luck and I hope the advice of people here is helpful to you.