Going back to female after transitioning to male

[spacial]

Thanks for the replies.  I feel more comfortable knowing I can go back (even though my endo doctor said it was a one way deal) in case my religious issue get in the way.

Seems to me that most religious people of that kind would tend to regard any left over effects as something to be proud of. They've walked with the devil and survived, have the scars to prove it.

[Squirrel698]

I'm just going to state the obvious here and say that if you think you are going to want to change back you shouldn't do it in the first place!

Messing with your body and hormones like that will have adverse consequences on your health and longevity.  Hormones are an absolute last resort and should NEVER be taken lightly

[Dominick_81]

Well Dominick, I can tell you that after about 19 months on T, I don't feel it at all (unless I touch it/clean it).
There is nothing specific in the Bible about transgender issues. But a few passages seem to suggest that body parts and gender variant people are no big deal. You're told to pluck out an eye or remove a hand it it makes you sin. This seems to suggest that body modification isn't a big deal. And there passages where a eunuch is exalted and welcomed to heaven.
The one passage seemingly against crossdressing seems to speak specifically to practices of enemies to the Hebrews and the passage about homosexuality seems to be more specific to homosexual rape than homosexuality itself.
I'm sure others more well versed in the Bible can give better examples.

Saying you can't feel it makes me feel better. How does it feel in hot water? Does it hurt? I like to take hot baths. (I'm more of a bath person than a shower person)

I'd be interested to know what religious reasons you feel there are for not transitioning.

If anyone is trying to guilt trip you by saying that God wanted you you be a girl, just remember He also wanted some people to be born with horrific defects in that case. Babies are born with painful deformities on a regular basis, are they denied the treatment they need to live a normal life? Would anyone accuse them of going against the will of God, that they just had to accept it's how God wanted them to be?

How are you defiling yourself? You aren't killing anyone, you aren't abusing anyone. You are simply taking what you have and making it a slightly different shape.

Religious dogma is a form of abuse and control. Make sure any religious feelings you have are connected to God, not other people's idea of what you should be doing.

If you have any real doubts about T then just don't take it, either wait until you are absolutely sure or just simply don't take it.

You will never look exactly as you did pre T if you decide to take it for a while and then stop.

My religious issues would be that I would be doing something wrong in the eyes of God. My grandmother keeps telling me God made me a girl that I wouldn't be happy as male, that God does not want me to change myself.  I think my grandmother telling me that God does not want me to change myself upsets and frustrates me. That's how I go back to the religion thing, b/c my grandmother keeps telling me it's not right and that God doesn't want me to do this.  I'll know I'll never get my grandmother to change her religious views or my mother either, but the guilt that my grandmother puts on me about God, makes me not want to go through with it.  I'm trying to accept the fact I'll never get the support I'm looking for.

My grandmother told me that God didn't do this or make babies with defects, they just happens, but God didn't do it, b/c I asked her about stuff like that about babies being born with 2 faces or three arms, ect... I don't believe God would do this to people, it would be cruel, don't ya think? It just happens.

I think of the bible and when God cured a blind man... Now if God wanted the man to be blind he would have left him blind, but he he didn't, he cured him, he gave him sight so he could see. So God didn't make us like this, or anyone with birth defects, it just happens. So I guess I could see it as correcting a birth defect, which I do see it as, but my grandmother says it's not.

I'm just going to state the obvious here and say that if you think you are going to want to change back you shouldn't do it in the first place!

Messing with your body and hormones like that will have adverse consequences on your health and longevity.  Hormones are an absolute last resort and should NEVER be taken lightly

I know I would never want to go back, I'm afraid the guilt would force me back.

My grandmothers religious views are so strong that it makes me feel guilty. But she never said I would go to hell and believes I won't. But her strong opinions makes me feel so guilty.

Seems to me that most religious people of that kind would tend to regard any left over effects as something to be proud of. They've walked with the devil and survived, have the scars to prove it.

I'm not sure what you mean... proud to have left over female parts?

[xAndrewx]

I'll start this with These are my opinions. Please don't take them offensively because it's not how they are meant. Everything is your choice so do not let me stop you. I support you here whether you choose to start or not.I've been watching this for a few days and I have to say I agree with this

I'm just going to state the obvious here and say that if you think you are going to want to change back you shouldn't do it in the first place!

Messing with your body and hormones like that will have adverse consequences on your health and longevity.  Hormones are an absolute last resort and should NEVER be taken lightly

It is a do or it's going to be a horrible life thing. I second the if your already wandering about de-transitioning (even for religious reasons) you might should take more time to consider it all. Hormones for me was a situation of while yes I was afraid of the pain and afraid of needles it was worth it to not have to live with this body anymore. I reached the point where I could not be happy living "in between" (no offense meant that's just how I felt it was in my case). I knew that in the end my grandmother may never talk to me again, would try to convince me to look to God and change my ways, and that my dating life would get harder. That last one though I don't agree with entirely because I'm not comfortable with what I have so either way my dating life is hard. Since starting T I'm already getting slightly more comfortable with it all. T changes many things and although I can't say 100% those things won't change back to how they were before I can't say that they will either. Good luck with everything man.

[Dominick_81]

I'll start this with These are my opinions. Please don't take them offensively because it's not how they are meant. Everything is your choice so do not let me stop you. I support you here whether you choose to start or not.I've been watching this for a few days and I have to say I agree with this

It is a do or it's going to be a horrible life thing. I second the if your already wandering about de-transitioning (even for religious reasons) you might should take more time to consider it all. Hormones for me was a situation of while yes I was afraid of the pain and afraid of needles it was worth it to not have to live with this body anymore. I reached the point where I could not be happy living "in between" (no offense meant that's just how I felt it was in my case). I knew that in the end my grandmother may never talk to me again, would try to convince me to look to God and change my ways, and that my dating life would get harder. That last one though I don't agree with entirely because I'm not comfortable with what I have so either way my dating life is hard. Since starting T I'm already getting slightly more comfortable with it all. T changes many things and although I can't say 100% those things won't change back to how they were before I can't say that they will either. Good luck with everything man.

Since you've been on T have you experience any pain?  What changes have you noticed so far?

I know the one thing for sure is I don't want to be stuck in this female body.  I guess I just have to go for it. I'm so unhappy in this female body. I wanna get on with my life.

[xAndrewx]

As far as changes. They are listed here https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,90336.0.html but really it isn't worth reading because I haven't had a whole lot. When I speak about my dysphoria getting worse on there I was referring to my chest.

As far as pain. None really. I've had some muscle cramps but I was getting those before T. I had a sore throat one day but it wasn't awful at all. Even my shot didn't really hurt. The T stung a little going in but it's just because it was thick. Scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being childbirth or something my pain has barely reached a 1 through the entire process so far. 

[Dominick_81]

Cool. Thanks for letting me know. I'm so anxious to get on T. I just wanna go ahead and do it.

[Logan1986]

If you are questioning turning back already I would recommend you wait starting anything. I first went to a trans support group when I was 19 years old. Everyone around me was talking about starting hormones and surgery and I felt very left behind, but in my heart I wasn't sure if it was the right thing for me. I eventually stopped going to the support group and did nothing about transitioning for a few years. Eventually though, it became more and more clear to me that it was the right choice. I didn't start taking T until I was 23. It seems like a long time to think but I wasn't comfortable making such big choices just because my friends were rushing into it. You have to do what is right for you. As happy as I am right now, I know I made the right choice by waiting until I was 100% sure

[spacial]

I'm not sure what you mean... proud to have left over female parts?

No.

You said earlier, that you were worried about Transision now because, if at some time in the future, you had a religious change of mind, you might be left with the consequences.

I was making the point that, those that claim such religious ephanies generally hold the consequeces of their previous decisions in high regard, as an example of how they've walked with the devil and survived.

But as Squirrel suggests, (more or less), if you're not sure now, then you're already making a big mistake.

[Dominick_81]

If you are questioning turning back already I would recommend you wait starting anything. I first went to a trans support group when I was 19 years old. Everyone around me was talking about starting hormones and surgery and I felt very left behind, but in my heart I wasn't sure if it was the right thing for me. I eventually stopped going to the support group and did nothing about transitioning for a few years. Eventually though, it became more and more clear to me that it was the right choice. I didn't start taking T until I was 23. It seems like a long time to think but I wasn't comfortable making such big choices just because my friends were rushing into it. You have to do what is right for you. As happy as I am right now, I know I made the right choice by waiting until I was 100% sure

I feel like I've been waiting my whole life and I just don't want to wait anymore. The thought of being trapped in a female body makes me wanna cry. I just don't want to be in this body. Whenever I go out in public, I get 2 feelings: 1: the feeling of someday being out there as a man and being seen as a man and that makes me feel great. The other feeling is being out in public and being seen as a girl and I HATE that. It bothers me so much to be seen as a girl.  When I dropped off my T script, I was so nervous that I could possibly be making a mistake, but the thought of never getting on T just makes me want to cry. I don't want to wait years, months, or weeks to get on T. I've already waited that long. My feelings I have now probably won't change, but once I get on T they may change for the good.  I'm so anxious and excited to start T, but at the same time very nervous. And I think the nervousness comes from what the changes are going to be. Am I gunna look so different that I'm gunna hate it, or am I gunna like the way I look after getting on T? I won't know until I get on it.  Even though I know what's going to happen,  I still feel nervous and excited at the same time. I really want to get my first shot tomorrow. I'm supposed to go out to the movies Friday with my friends, and if I don't get on T, I don't want to go out. I feel like a girl hanging out with my guy friends when I should feel like a guy hanging out with my guy friends. Only one of my friends knows that I'm trans and he's cool with it, my other friend doesn't know and my mom doesn't want me to tell him right now. But once I get that first shot, I'm gunna have to tell him. I want this (being male) so bad it kills me.

I guess I'm looking for people to say just do it, you'll feel so much better. You'll be so much happier.  I guess I'm also waiting for my mother's approval. And there's no sense in waiting for that. So I just gota go ahead and do it, right? Just do it.

No.

You said earlier, that you were worried about Transision now because, if at some time in the future, you had a religious change of mind, you might be left with the consequences.

I was making the point that, those that claim such religious ephanies generally hold the consequeces of their previous decisions in high regard, as an example of how they've walked with the devil and survived.

But as Squirrel suggests, (more or less), if you're not sure now, then you're already making a big mistake.

Okay, I see what your saying now.

[Tad]

hey Dom! You have the same religous issues as me. But I've realized something. The only time I've felt issues with religion and God is when I'm in environments that are not accepting. When I'm living at my own place most of the time), I'm not feeling any guilt or whatever about living full time as male, it's only when my really uptight Christian friends/etc. are saying stuff like we'll never be able to support you in this.. that I fee questioning and guilt? But after sorting through things I realized that these feelings were purely coming from my friends and families words and actions and not from God. When it's just God and I, there are no feelings of doubt or conviction or guilt. I too asked for guidance along the way, and got what I saw as clearly pro trans answers along the way. Looking through the bible too there is no reason to see this as a sin. Verses that intrepret this as sin often have other meanings that are not understood appropriately today.

Still here I sit in my parents house, wondering if when I hit 50 or 60 years old, if I'll have some kind of conviction suddenly hit over the matter.. and I'll be like.. shat I f'ed things up by transitioning. But yeah know what? I stop and think, and realize where I am, and I think.. I don't feel these doubts or guilts when I'm not in this environment, when I'm back where I live with my normal friends and my accepting Christian friends I'm going to feel just fine about this.

I guess what I'm asking you to consider. Where are these doubts coming from in your faith. Is it true worry and conviction? Or is it false conviction, that is brought on by living in an unnaccepting environment. I've felt this false conviction over things because of what people have said many other times in my life - things that were foolish and silly to feel guilty over in terms of God and I.

Who knows if this is right for you or not, you need to take some time, do some soul searching, do some other searching in general.. and think about this. We can' t tell you if this is right or wrong.

[Osiris]

Never NEVER NEVER move ahead in transition just because you're having issues with your body, especially when you're thinking you may want to reverse the transition.

There is no undo button for transition. If you transition and want to go back you will essentially become a MTF and may have to undergo procedures in order to present as female again. Electrolosis to remove facial/body hair (which is very expensive), voice training to learn to talk in the feminine range again, changes to your lower parts are not reversible especially if you have bottom surgery.

The point is, your body will never be able to be restored to the point it was before you started hormones.

I know how hard dysphoria is to live with but if you're not fully ready to transition it may make things worse.

My advice is deal with as many issues as you can now BEFORE transition and when you're sure that this is something you have to do, and are prepared to live with doing this for the rest of your life, THEN move forward with transition.

[TheOtherSide]

Saying you can't feel it makes me feel better. How does it feel in hot water? Does it hurt? I like to take hot baths. (I'm more of a bath person than a shower person)

My religious issues would be that I would be doing something wrong in the eyes of God. My grandmother keeps telling me God made me a girl that I wouldn't be happy as male, that God does not want me to change myself.  I think my grandmother telling me that God does not want me to change myself upsets and frustrates me. That's how I go back to the religion thing, b/c my grandmother keeps telling me it's not right and that God doesn't want me to do this.  I'll know I'll never get my grandmother to change her religious views or my mother either, but the guilt that my grandmother puts on me about God, makes me not want to go through with it.  I'm trying to accept the fact I'll never get the support I'm looking for.

My grandmother told me that God didn't do this or make babies with defects, they just happens, but God didn't do it, b/c I asked her about stuff like that about babies being born with 2 faces or three arms, ect... I don't believe God would do this to people, it would be cruel, don't ya think? It just happens.

I think of the bible and when God cured a blind man... Now if God wanted the man to be blind he would have left him blind, but he he didn't, he cured him, he gave him sight so he could see. So God didn't make us like this, or anyone with birth defects, it just happens. So I guess I could see it as correcting a birth defect, which I do see it as, but my grandmother says it's not.

I know I would never want to go back, I'm afraid the guilt would force me back.

My grandmothers religious views are so strong that it makes me feel guilty. But she never said I would go to hell and believes I won't. But her strong opinions makes me feel so guilty.

I'm not sure what you mean... proud to have left over female parts?

To quote Jesus Christ: "Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man's enemies will be the members of his household. He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it."

Personally, I don't think you should listen to what your grandmother thinks God has planned for your life. Your relationship with God is YOUR relationship with God. I feel like my transition is my cross. We all have our own crosses to carry so we can become stronger through our weaknesses and teach people what we learned along the way. Do you fear your grandmother or do you fear God? To me, fear of the Lord means being afraid of not following the path he has for you. We are all individual and unique. We are not meant to be the same and I hate how people use God to scare people away from soul searching and becoming who they really are.

[Dominick_81]

hey Dom! You have the same religous issues as me. But I've realized something. The only time I've felt issues with religion and God is when I'm in environments that are not accepting. When I'm living at my own place most of the time), I'm not feeling any guilt or whatever about living full time as male, it's only when my really uptight Christian friends/etc. are saying stuff like we'll never be able to support you in this.. that I fee questioning and guilt? But after sorting through things I realized that these feelings were purely coming from my friends and families words and actions and not from God. When it's just God and I, there are no feelings of doubt or conviction or guilt. I too asked for guidance along the way, and got what I saw as clearly pro trans answers along the way. Looking through the bible too there is no reason to see this as a sin. Verses that intrepret this as sin often have other meanings that are not understood appropriately today.

Still here I sit in my parents house, wondering if when I hit 50 or 60 years old, if I'll have some kind of conviction suddenly hit over the matter.. and I'll be like.. shat I f'ed things up by transitioning. But yeah know what? I stop and think, and realize where I am, and I think.. I don't feel these doubts or guilts when I'm not in this environment, when I'm back where I live with my normal friends and my accepting Christian friends I'm going to feel just fine about this.

I guess what I'm asking you to consider. Where are these doubts coming from in your faith. Is it true worry and conviction? Or is it false conviction, that is brought on by living in an unnaccepting environment. I've felt this false conviction over things because of what people have said many other times in my life - things that were foolish and silly to feel guilty over in terms of God and I.

Who knows if this is right for you or not, you need to take some time, do some soul searching, do some other searching in general.. and think about this. We can' t tell you if this is right or wrong.

I feel that too when I'm around my mom or grandmother. I don't feel accepted at all and that makes me doubt. But when I'm alone or out in public I feel okay about transitioning. I feel it's the right thing to do for myself in order to feel some happiness. I know once I decided to transition I'm not gunna like all the changes but it's something I'm gunna have to learn to deal with and my counselor told me I have to deal without cutting myself... that's going to be hard.


I Think this is brought on by an unaccepting environment. That's why I'm always waiting to get support from my family so I can go ahead with the transition. I feel like I can't make the transition without their support and that's where my doubts come from, b/c I don't have that support I need from my family. If they were supportive it would be much easier for me to go ahead and make the transition.

Never NEVER NEVER move ahead in transition just because you're having issues with your body, especially when you're thinking you may want to reverse the transition.

There is no undo button for transition. If you transition and want to go back you will essentially become a MTF and may have to undergo procedures in order to present as female again. Electrolosis to remove facial/body hair (which is very expensive), voice training to learn to talk in the feminine range again, changes to your lower parts are not reversible especially if you have bottom surgery.

The point is, your body will never be able to be restored to the point it was before you started hormones.

I know how hard dysphoria is to live with but if you're not fully ready to transition it may make things worse.

My advice is deal with as many issues as you can now BEFORE transition and when you're sure that this is something you have to do, and are prepared to live with doing this for the rest of your life, THEN move forward with transition.

I will think about it, but deep down I know this is something I want. It's my fears of going to hell that gets in the way of my transitioning. Even though I've been told many times I won't go to hell, including my mother and grandmother telling me this. I just keep thinking of my grandmother telling me how wrong it is, and that's hard for me to get past that.  If she told me everything is gunna be okay, it's not wrong to transition, I'd feel better about transitioning. But hearing those words from her is something I'm never gunna hear her say and that bothers me. I just want the support I'm looking for so I can move ahead, but I know I'm never gunna get it. But I will take a little time, (meaning maybe a few days or possibly a week.  But I really don't want to wait that long) to try and get over my issues so I can move on. 

The way I look at it is, if I put T on hold, I put my life on hold. I want to go back to school, but not as female, but as male.

To quote Jesus Christ: "Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man's enemies will be the members of his household. He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it."

Personally, I don't think you should listen to what your grandmother thinks God has planned for your life. Your relationship with God is YOUR relationship with God. I feel like my transition is my cross. We all have our own crosses to carry so we can become stronger through our weaknesses and teach people what we learned along the way. Do you fear your grandmother or do you fear God? To me, fear of the Lord means being afraid of not following the path he has for you. We are all individual and unique. We are not meant to be the same and I hate how people use God to scare people away from soul searching and becoming who they really are.

I feel being transgender and transitioning is a cross.

I fear God, that's why I'm afraid to transition.  If anyone uses God to scare people out of doing what that person wants to do, it will work, that's why it's working with me.  I wanna transition, but whenever anyone uses God to scare me, it scares me and I end up not doing what I want to do, that's why I need God to tell me what to do. If I had God's approval, I'd have no problem making the transition. If God spoke to me right now and said go ahead and make the transition, I would do it, b/c I had his approval.

[TheOtherSide]

you fear God and thats why you fear transition? I think you fear what your grandmother thinks God is and what God wants. Answers come from within. Your Grandmother can't think for God. If you really fear God, then you will listen to your heart, not your grandmother.

[TheOtherSide]

When people use God to scare you, always remember that's not really God -that's ignorance and fear or differences manipulating God.

[Dominick_81]

you fear God and thats why you fear transition? I think you fear what your grandmother thinks God is and what God wants. Answers come from within. Your Grandmother can't think for God. If you really fear God, then you will listen to your heart, not your grandmother.

Yeah. And I fear what my grandmother says too. But more so God. Were supposed to fear God.

My heart tells me to transition.

When people use God to scare you, always remember that's not really God -that's ignorance and fear or differences manipulating God.

I see. I'll remember that.

[JohnR]

Dom, you're Christian, right? You know your bible tells you that the only way to the Father is through the Son, that if you believe that Jesus Christ died for your sins and rose again then you will go to heaven.

I'm going to let you into a little secret now, your grandma does things that make Jesus cry, we all do. Does that mean she is going to hell?

Remember the thief upon the cross next to Christ?

I don't think your reluctance to transition has anything to do with religion, I think you're using religion as the reason not to do it.

All your posts come across as someone who just isn't completely sure they are trans. Which means you may find out in the future that you aren't trans. Or it may be that you're just going through one of the many steps that trans people do before they find the truth for themselves.

You really don't want to be taking testosterone yet, it would be a big mistake.

Believe me, if you were at the stage where you actually needed testosterone then you wouldn't be hiding behind your grandma's version of God, you would be thanking God that you finally got the chance to be free to be your real self.

It's good to see someone question themselves and face up to the reality that there is no going back to exactly how they were pre T. The fact that you talk about a fear of developing an enlarged clitoris because girls don't have a large clitoris tells you a huge amount. Why would you be referring to yourself as a girl during and after transition?

Take time to look at what really is bugging you about your life and what it is that you are really trying to change. It could be that you find out that what you thought was ->-bleeped-<- actually turns out to be something else altogether. Or it might be that you are transgender but you just haven't hit the stage where you're desperate to transition yet.

It's good that you haven't just started taking T without realizing that it's a powerful life changing substance. You're sensible to be doing it exactly how you are. Good luck to you.

[Renate]

I'll just add some facts here.

People are basically all created female.
Testosterone drives them on a one-way trip into being male.
That's why FTM's have it easy (in some ways) because they are just going forward in a natural process.
MTF's are trying to turn a clock back on a process that has already occurred.

Testosterone is not a drug to fool with.

I won't be a cheerleader, Dominick.
Resolve your religious doubts before taking any testosterone.

[Mr.Hyde]

I'm not Christian at all but I've read the Bible (various versions of it, plus the apocryph gospels) and as far as I remember, I don't recall any passage of Jesus blaming anyone because they were born wrong. Because as your grandmother says, those things just happen.
In fact, you see Christ actually helping them to recover from their defects. He cures a blind, a crippled, and such. Think of it this way. He's not alive now to be able to go to your home and give you the T now, but he has already sent you a sign making you aware that there is a medical relief for your problem. You're not going to hell just by following the steps he has been showing you.

I agree with John that you may be using your religious concerns to keep you away from yourself. I know it's easier to "let God decide for us", but sometimes God just let you to decide. You can think of it as privilege, as a test, or whatever you want. It's scary to understand that sometimes you have to act on your own, but it's the truth. Going by your own you can make mistakes of course, you're human, you're not perfect. But remember, you're not going to hell because of a mistake, but lying to yourself or using the name of God because you're afraid of yourself... well that's other thing. God is there to comfort you, not to be afraid of him/her/whatever.
I suggest you to sit alone, wether a silent church, your bedroom, or any place you feel comfortable and without distraction, do your regular prays and after that, just think about you. Leave God rest for a few minutes(well even he got tired and had to rest the sunday right?) and think what do you want for yourself, in your life. I encourage you to know yourself better before keep walking or using religion as a excuse.

What God is supposed to tell us is to follow our hearts, not our heads. If your heart is telling you to take T, then do it. But your head must be pure of doubts before it.