anyone else been stabbed in the back?

[kody2011]

I have an aunt, who I used to be close to, that asked me what was going on with me. So I just flat out told her that I was a boy. She was cool with. Even told me that since my parents didn't support it, that I could come over just to be able to be me. Well, its been about a year and now she says that it isn't right and im going to go to hell. Has anybody just all of a sudden changed their mind about it to any of y'all? Cause it really sucks...

[Michael Joseph]

No, that hasn't happened to me related to transition, but that's horrible. I'm really sorry dude. Things like that have happened to me before where my mom said shes cool with one thing and then completely changes her mind. I hope things get better, I wonder what the sudden change was?

[Mrs Erocse]

One of our children initially said that it was fine and not a big deal. Then later said she would not be seeing us often because she was not comfortable with it.

I often think they are simply selfish. I also think, maybe even if it is not a big deal to them; they think they can push thier wieght around and get you to do what they want instead.

They don't know what you are feeling. They don't understand why you are feeling the way you do. I think they are too lazy or prideful  to invest time and compassion in trying to understand. This is where being simply selfish comes in. 

I am sorry that your family is not compassionate and understanding.

Hugs.

Patty

[Mr.Hyde]

Yes, I've been stabbed in the back several times. You can do nothing about nor you can't preview it... She actually may not agreed with you in the beginning, just said she was ok because she thought it was a joke, a phase, or whatever, then when she realized you were serious about it, she went mad. Or it may be what Mrs Erocse says, then is just a selfish person.
I usually follow the "if you don't like it, don't look" and just ignore the horrible things that people who don't agree with me says. Even if "people" includes family, parents, friends, girfriends and such.

Hope she understands soon, or at least stop saying such things to you and let you just be-. Good luck!

[Julie Marie]

The initial response can simply be the true response or it can be non response from shock.  Many times, with the former response, the person will take what you told them to others to see what they think.  We are so dependent on what others think!  If the feedback is positive, you're okay.  If it's negative then you have an emotional problem, you are suffering from temporary delusional thoughts or you are possessed by the devil.

It's a great chance to study human interactions, insecurity and the need for social acceptance in others.  You can see if they place family and love over the need to be socially accepted or vice-versa.  You'll be amazed how often it's the latter.

[kody2011]

Mr.hyde: I think that's what it was. Her thinking it was a joke...but at the same time, im not sure. I just can't get over that it was a year b4 she chngd her mind...

[Squirrel698]

Yes that happened with one of my favourite cousins that I grew up with.  At first she was uncertain about it but seemed accepting.  We had a couple nice conversations and she actually helped me through these first couple of rough weeks.

Then my voice started changing along with my appearance and she changed as well.  It was as if she couldn't visualize my transition at first.  However once she saw it happening before her eyes her discomfort and anger became apparent.  Eventually I was informed that my choices were a sin and they were going to hurt a lot of people.  Just how it would hurt them wasn't specified. 

I was told for the next year she wanted no contact with me, no pictures, Christmas cards, letters, emails and she defriended me on facebook.  So that is that I suppose.  Yes it hurt quite a bit.  I just know that I can't live for other people.  I'm living for myself and if other's don't want to join me on this exciting journey in which they might learn something about themselves as well then it is their loss. 

[Mrs Erocse]

I was told for the next year she wanted no contact with me, no pictures, Christmas cards, letters, emails and she defriended me on facebook.  So that is that I suppose.  Yes it hurt quite a bit.  I just know that I can't live for other people.  I'm living for myself and if other's don't want to join me on this exciting journey in which they might learn something about themselves as well then it is their loss. 

Yes, people are busy being selfish and cruel, users everyday. Doing what they want and telling others what they want them to believe. ( as if people cannot read between the lines) They can be quite ugly.

Personally I don't get what all of the hype is about.

As far as Sin goes there has not been one intelligent thing said among the whole lot of Roxy's religious disapproving family. Her Mormon brother and sister in law said it hurts them. (as if ther ignorant arrogance and excessive vanity doesn't hurt us but we put up with it) That there have to be rules. That was thier big revelation. Aside from simply being ignorant and dispapproving there has not been an intelligent thought out response to come from any of them. In my mind it screams ignorant bigotry and stubborn selfishness.

People on Susan's are far more intelligent in thier responses than anyone in Roxy's family can dream of being. Religiously and otherwise.

So we should all live our lives the way we need to. We will never please all of the people all of the time. Some, not any of the time. (As Spacial says: unless you are willing to simply be thier lap dog)

[Marcelo Caetano]

I haven't been there, but sorry to hear that it happens, apparently, so often!

[N.Chaos]

That's ridiculous. I've never had that happen personally but I have heard a lot of people doing that, going back on their word/support/opinion. It's ->-bleeped-<-ed up.

[GnomeKid]

does she have an explanation for her change of heart?

[kody2011]

does she have an explanation for her change of heart?

Idk...I was to shocked and upset to talk to her about. We haven't broached the subject since...I think we may have said one or two sentences to each other in passing since...

[tekla]

You know it might not be them.  A year after coming out, on HRT and all that, some people make some pretty drastic changes that make them in many ways a very different person then they were before.  Likewise those other people are changing.  It's not unusual for people to drift apart, trans or not.

[some ftm guy]

yeah this has happened to me. i told my aunt about this about may or june ish and she was cool about it, like it wasn't even a big deal or a surprise. didn't even mind me changing my name on there, kind of teased me about the Ark thing from the bible but she was still ok. i was pretty happy someone in my family was so accepting about it and thought I'd ask her to maybe take me to a doc for gender therapy or to get T when or if i needed transportation and my mom couldn't take me, but a couple months ago she reads the stuff on my facebook page, it's pretty much all trans related, I've talked about my binders when I got those the first time and I've added a lot of other transguys as friends since early september. she tells me she thinks there are people being a bad influence on me, too much swearing (even though she's always swore all the time) and that my mom probably doesn't like it at all and to really think about what I'm doing. blah blah blah. it was all pretty judgemental and ignorant when before she didn't seem to have any problem whatsoever. really weird. maybe seeing all the trans rescources and friends giving me advice made her realize i was serious or this involved more than she thought. i don't know why she even told me all she did. we almost never see each other, I'm 25, and no one has any say over what i do to make me happy so.....? I've even lost a best friend and most co workers look at me differently now. sorry i sorta stole your thread man, just sayin i know the feeling.

good luck with other family or friends.

[JosephKT]

Oh yeah, all the time.  And not just for being trans, but for being bi.  Mostly among friends, but an aunt in my case as well.  I'm non-op so it's not like there was a transition thing involved.  Most of the time I would find out that later the person had other problems with me as well, but probably chose to latch on to the easiest thing to use against me.  And they've all been women, wtf.

[kody2011]

Joseph: im a non-op too...at least at this time of my life...hopefully some time soon though.

Noah: u didn't steal the thread...I'm glad u shared ur story...its nice knowing im not alone...

[King Malachite]

I have been stabbed in the back by my ex girlfriend and boy when I say stabbed I mean she gutted the living daylights out of me until you could see my spinal cord.  She twisted that knife in my back and poured lemon juice in the wounds.

I came out to her as trans and what not and she seemed really cool about it and I really loved her because she was just an awesome person and she accepted me for who I was while we were dating.  To make a long story short she broke up with me and admitted that she was only using me.  I told her that I was only trying to be the best man I could be to her and she screamed out to me YOU ARE NOT A MAN!  I could tell she meant that as in I'm female and not I'm just an immature little boy.  On top of that she spread the word to people saying I'm a girl that wants to be a boy.

I'm real sorry you had to go through that man.  It's been a little over a year now so I'm wonder what are her thoughts on it now.

[Felix]

I've only had it happen with one person who could really hurt me with it, but I've found it to be pretty common for people to be accepting at first or in theory, but not when time goes by and you take steps toward transition. I see a lot of transpeople being accused of selfishness for making other people uncomfortable. Which is belittling imo because that assumes we just do this on a lark or something.

[Sephirah]

I have been stabbed in the back by my ex girlfriend and boy when I say stabbed I mean she gutted the living daylights out of me until you could see my spinal cord.  She twisted that knife in my back and poured lemon juice in the wounds.

I came out to her as trans and what not and she seemed really cool about it and I really loved her because she was just an awesome person and she accepted me for who I was while we were dating.  To make a long story short she broke up with me and admitted that she was only using me.  I told her that I was only trying to be the best man I could be to her and she screamed out to me YOU ARE NOT A MAN!  I could tell she meant that as in I'm female and not I'm just an immature little boy.  On top of that she spread the word to people saying I'm a girl that wants to be a boy.

That was more a reflection on who she is as a person than who you are, hon. *hug* I'm really sorry you had to go through that. The fact that she admitted she was only using you speaks volumes about what sort of a person she is. So don't let that take anything away from who you are, and keep being true to yourself because, when all's said and done, everyone has that little thing called conscience, and at some point we all have to answer to ourselves for the things we've done. You can hold your head high and be proud of who you are. Can she say the same?

I've only had it happen with one person who could really hurt me with it, but I've found it to be pretty common for people to be accepting at first or in theory, but not when time goes by and you take steps toward transition. I see a lot of transpeople being accused of selfishness for making other people uncomfortable. Which is belittling imo because that assumes we just do this on a lark or something.

I think that's a very important point. People often react differently to something when it's an idea. A nebulous "I'm going to". Maybe in their mind they believe it to be a flight of fancy, or something ill-considered which will never be followed through. When it solidifies into reality, and people have to deal with the actuality of a situation, things change and sometimes so does their mindset.

It's easy to put aside a fear of hights when all you see is an acorn. Once that acorn grows into an oak tree and someone finds themselves within the upper branches, that fear becomes all too real.

Don't let that stop any of you from growing and becoming who you were meant to be. People will just have to learn to climb, or stay on the ground while you reach for the sky.

[King Malachite]

That was more a reflection on who she is as a person than who you are, hon. *hug* I'm really sorry you had to go through that. The fact that she admitted she was only using you speaks volumes about what sort of a person she is. So don't let that take anything away from who you are, and keep being true to yourself because, when all's said and done, everyone has that little thing called conscience, and at some point we all have to answer to ourselves for the things we've done. You can hold your head high and be proud of who you are. Can she say the same?

Thanks Sephirah.  Beforehand I was feeling like a failure about the whole situation as if it was all my fault somehow.  I'm slowly but surely picking up the pieces so I can keep on trucking into my goal.