Tears on a Keyboard (What have I done - intro)

[Glenn]

Baby girl, get your life made, finish the transition and men will flock to you. Right now think about not having a romance.  Work on you before trying to work on someone else.

Besides now is a time to pamper yourself, not the time to be begging someone to except what they are NOT willing to except.

Hugs Simone

[JaimeJJ]

Baby girl, get your life made, finish the transition and men will flock to you. Right now think about not having a romance.  Work on you before trying to work on someone else.

Besides now is a time to pamper yourself, not the time to be begging someone to except what they are NOT willing to except.

Hugs Simone

You're right Simone, it's just easier said than done when you are feeling so heartbroken and so dissatisfied with what the future may hold...

[A]

I feel so alike to you, from the beginning to the end, except the love stories. You're an online double life pal, hehe.

Welcome to the forums late, and do not hesitate to ask me or anyone whatever you feel might help you !

[Karla]

At times it seems so unfair to have to work so hard for what many others take for granted, just spoiled as soon as the other person hears the word trans and it feels like all humanity is being taken away, a curse...

I identify with this kind of pain all the time and I realize that I will have to protect my self otherwise one day I will be so heart-broken and I don't know if I can handle it then. But when does protecting one self turn into a self-sentenced life time of loneliness...

One day you'll find the love you deserve in the right places.
Please stay strong <3

[JaimeJJ]

A - I just read your intro post and you're right, our stories from the start are very similar, especially the parts in childhood about ignoring the "wanting to be a girl" issues and pleasing our parents instead of addressing them, not wanting to take shirts off in public and creating the online persona and putting more effort and attention in to that than of our real lives. So surprised to have found someone so similiar! I read once that all transition stories are exactly the same, apart from dates, places and people in the stories - so maybe I shouldn't be so susprised!

Karla - I know what you mean by that comment about when hearing the word trans all humanity is taken away, you hear about it all the time.  I hope you don't ever have to feel heartbroken like the way I'm feeling lately either, one piece of advice I can offer is to be true to yourself and be true to other people from the start.

I will stay strong, only in hopes for a better future and now learning that I am not as alone as I thought.  I feel quite at peace right now, I hope this lasts...

[JaimeJJ]

As much as you feel for this person transitioning is a tough journey and trying to find love at the same time can be an extra big challenge. Maybe focus on the support you can find from friends and family? I say this because it's the method I've chose and I feel it has made things a whole lot easier less messy.. waiting a few years ain't so bad in the long run and you know guys prefer post-op girls so... if you feel that could be an opinion then give it a go! discover yourself! If you can't and you feel you need it asap then... be careful
Muffs.xo

I have only told one other friend and my mother and sister, who don't really ever want to speak about it.  Right now I just feel like I need my special one to be here beside me at this confusing time to hold me and to hug me and love me, and so I can do the same back.  I've never had the chance to have that physical connection in life, and this is a time I need it the most

Sorry for rambling...

[annette]

Hi Jennifer


don't say sorry for rambling
we are here to listen to your story, you're not alone anymore.
I feel your pain and I'm sorry for you, it is hard, I do understand but I must agree with simone who says in a few years man will flock to you and you can't nobody force to love you.
You wrote in an earlier post, when you love someone, you go for it and you'll do everything for the loved one but think about it, you're worth a lot yourselve too, it's not an oneway traffic, don't loose yourselve in love because in most cases people will take advantage of you when you are so depended by the love from another.
a relationship is build on trust and respect for eachother and not one gives and another takes.
Give it some more time, work to your transition and your dreams will come true.
maybe not tomorrow or next week but it will one day.
hang on girl, we are with you.


love
annette

[JaimeJJ]

Thank you Annette, that's really sweet and really inspirational

[annette]

Hi Jennifer

I'm glad you take my words that way.
But I mean it, I've seen your pictures in an earlier post and mark my words for it, you're gonna be a knock out, just let the hrt do their job.
Now you're in a phase that you're vulnerable but things will be changing and you will be become a pretty woman.
Think about the future and how nice life can be when you've reached your goals.
I was thinking the same way like you do 30 years ago, people think I'm a weirdo, nobody will have a relationship with me and so on.
But the true is different, off course I've been also rejected by some people but there were others who did everything to get my attention.
I was very suprised by that but it gave me more selfconvidence. Once I had a relationship with a guy, when it started to be seriously I thought I have to tell him, so I asked him to sit down and told my story, he was listening without saying a word, didn't have questions but was just listening till I was done with talking.
The only thing he said was.....okay, I was stunned and was asking by myself...did he understand what I was talking about? So I asked him and he said....oh yeah, you were born a male and now you're a nice girl and that's the only thing that's counting for me, I think I look so suprised that my mouth was open for about 15 minutes.
Fast forward.....I had a relationship with him for 7 years.
When the relationship was over and I was single again I had several dates and I found out that men and women found me attractive.
I've had a very good time, I've never had expective that before.
So, think about the future and be proud on yourselve because you'll do what a lot of people want to do but afraid to start because of losing their old privileges and status, changing your life to be a free and happy person whatever it takes.
Keep your head up honey, believe in yourselve and don't run to the guys because they will run after you, and you look a good person to me, so you deserve someone who will love you for the person you are, not because you're trans or cis but because of you.
And sometimes it don't work out the way you want, other times it will, that's life, So don't get depressed when it won't work out sometimes, there will be other chances, just don't give up but, but persist.
Thinking of what will happen in future you should must have a merry christmas don't you?
So hereby my wishes for you....a merry christmas and that all your wishes come true in 2011.(or a little later, but they are coming true)

persit sister, persist

lots of love
annette

[JaimeJJ]

Thank you Annette, your words are so inspirational and make me feel better
I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens with everything and try not to lose hope.
I hope you have a good Christmas 

[sarahla]

Hi Jennifer,

I am not sure that I can say anything different than what others have said or what I have said previously in other posts, but oh well.  In 2006, I took hormones for a year.  I was taken off of it forcefully and hope to get back on it, but that is another story.

I had a really bad relationship that I had just gotten out of, and nothing earlier in life.  I relayed my life's story to my endo and we talked per his request every other month or so.  That was his idea.  He told me something that I did not appreciate at the time, but that now I see is quite true.  You have to be who you are first and only then can others get into your life.  People do not want to transition with you.  Okay, some do, but that is the exception and then it is hard.

Also, as you transition, you will change.  I have heard that from others, but in my own way I am still transitioning and I see myself changing and doing things that I never would have thought before.

I got into a new relationship and am paying the price now.  People do not like change for the most part and definitely not a penis to vagina type of change.

My endo told me once when I complained that my life has been ->-bleeped-<- up until now and lonely that I was never myself.  I was living a lie, and in a lie the true path and life cannot start.  I was so busy hiding and trying to fit in that I was never myself.  After I came out, life did improve.  I have a very long way to go, but life is better and slowly less lonely.

Sadly, I did not know about transgender and transsexual stuff when I was young.  Even after I found out, I was scared to death to come out.  I was cared of what my parents would say.  Okay, petrified is more accurate.  I thought that I did a terrific job of hiding, but in reality people still saw me as different, as I was.  Boys wanted to beat me up in school.  I hated ball sports.  I could care less about doing boy things.  I still do not.

The best time to transition is as early as possible.  Yes, save up some sperm beforehand would be nice, but that costs money. :-(

I am not sure how I found out about the word transsexual and transgender.  Maybe it was from Jerry Springer as well or someone like him.  I think that I also saw a documentary on the topic.

Pam was talking about once in another thread that she wished that she would have taken longer to transition.  I am so totally the opposite of her.  I am taking things too slowly, annoyingly slowly.  Everyone has a different path.  Dr. O'Dea was right.  Things were changing too fast for me and I needed time to adjust to my own change.  I needed to straighten out finances.  I needed to come to grips with the reality of change.  Saying that I am a girl and being one are two different things.  You did well Pam.  I always question everything and have to feel every step, but in the end that is harder than just going full throttle.  The one question always holding me back at every stage, though, is how one knows if doing a step is right or wrong.  It is okay when a step is reversible, but not everyone is.  Is that why I keep taking steps...  I am almost at 4-years of electrology.

Jennifer, you seem to be doing well.  When you complete transition, men will flock to you.  Just be the flower that you know you are.  Your future husband is out there.

[wannalivethetruth]

your story is much much much much like mine! i loved mermaids too. The whole falling in love online thing, i did too. The whole feeling good, like you can be yourself online. Did that too!. The only thing i didnt do was fall in love twice online. I couldnt allow myself to hide anymore. It was way to much work for me and stress. He still doesnt know till this day, thank god he broke up with me after 2 years. It was love though..but that brought insencurities because i wasnt that girl he though i was. i knew i was..but i dont think he would have seen it that way. A lesson i learned from it? you have to love yourself first, b4 anyone else will...then everything is less stressful and it wouldnt hurt so much to tell the guy you are trans. I do it now and dont regret it because i hate hiding. To much work!

[JaimeJJ]

Thank you for your replies, I really appreciate them and knowing there are people out there who can read my own story and relate to it helps a lot.

I didn't mean to fall in love twice, after the first one ended I still didn't know anything about my own trans issues so I just plodded along carrying on doing what made me happy which was to be somebody else, and BAM it happened again!

[Fancyrabbit]

..

[JaimeJJ]

I couldn't ever cut things off, because being somebody else was the only way I could connect with somebody else on that level.

Fancyrabbit, I'm not sure if you have been to see a therapist or your doctor, but after discovering your trans status, one month is way too soon to start HRT.  Find a good therapist and talk everything through for a good few months before even THINKING of starting HRT.  Also, (depending on where you live in the world) your doctor would only prescribe you HRT after seeing a therapist anyway.  I wouldn't suggest buying the drugs online either, bad idea.